The Secret Diaries of Sirius Black
by draco-is-the-punk
Summary: Sirius's life story. His thoughts and feelings up to and after his death. Contains language and RLxSB SLASH, and is NOT DH compatible! Some events, e.g. third year, are much shorter than others. This is because not much happened to him in that time.
1. My Family

**The Secret Diaries of Sirius Black**

**Following Sirius from his first year at Hogwarts to his arrest and imprisonment, to his tragic death… and what happens afterwards.**

Today Regulus accidentally set fire to a small muggle boy in London. He was fine, luckily, or Regulus would have been arrested! The most shocking thing was that mother actually seemed _proud_. My family seem to think that all muggles should be killed or something. It's disgusting; I hope I never turn out like them! Regulus is already following in their footsteps; bullying muggles, swaggering around… he always has been mother's favourite. Now I know why.

I've got my letter from Hogwarts. Mother gave me a bag of Galleons and told me to go to Diagon Alley myself. She's angry with me for flirting with this muggle girl. Honestly, I wasn't going to marry her or anything! What is mother's _problem_?? I'm quite glad to be spending some time away from the family, come to think of it. I know how to get to Diagon Alley; we've been there loads of times before, and I can choose all my supplies without mother breathing down my neck.

I've got all my equipment for Hogwarts now. Mother had told me that I might as well get the Slytherin insignia put straight onto my robes, as all of my family so far had been put there. She's probably right, but I've been flicking through my text books, and the Slytherins seem a bit… well. Let's just say that mother and father's muggle-bashing isn't anything out of the ordinary for this lot. What's wrong with muggles? And, for that matter, what's wrong with muggle-borns? Seriously, if they have wizarding blood, why do all the purebloods look down on them? It's really confusing.

I've packed up all my things for Hogwarts. I can't wait! I'll finally be away from my parents, and from this house. It's hard to explain exactly what I hate about this house. The whole place just reeks with misery. I hate it. I hate the size, the cursed objects, the dead house elves… and the live ones. Kreacher is the foulest creature you could ever imagine. He takes great pride on sneaking around and snitching on me to my parents. Little git.

Mother and father took me to the station to catch the train to Hogwarts. They didn't even say goodbye. Well, I don't care. I learned long ago that they don't love me. They tell me nearly everyday what a disappointment I am to them, and how Regulus is the perfect son. If Regulus is perfect, then I'm a bloody house elf.

I found an empty compartment straight away, and sat down. After a while, another boy came in. He had messy jet-black hair, and hazel eyes, framed by round glasses.

"Hey," he smiled "Can I sit here?"

"Sure!"

"I'm James Potter, by the way."

"Sirius Black."

"Walburga Black's son?"

I grimaced.

"Yeah… unfortunately. You know her?"

"I know of her."

"How? Has the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black actually found its way into wizarding history? I bet it's got us all down as pureblood muggle-hating morons."

James laughed.

"I take it you don't get along with your family?"

"Too right."

The compartment door slid open, and another boy entered. He had light brown hair and was smiling nervously.

"All right if I sit here?"

James turned to me.

"All right if he sits here?"

"All right if you sit here." I confirmed, grinning. The boy turned out to be called Remus Lupin. Remus is quite a cool name; I think it was one of the founders of Rome.

"Wolves!" I said suddenly. He looked at me quickly.

"What??"

"Remus was raised by wolves, right?"

He relaxed.

"Oh yeah… that's weird."

"Weird?"

"Never mind."

I yawned, pushing my black hair out of my eyes. It's very long at the moment; I quite like it long. I might keep it this length.

"Any of you lot know what house you'll be in?" Remus asked. "I hope I'll be in Gryffindor."

"Me too," agreed James. I blushed slightly.

"Well… my parents were in Slytherin. I think they expect me to be one as well. But I really don't want to be. I mean… Voldemort was in Slytherin."

James smiled encouragingly.

"I'm sure they wouldn't put you in a house unless you were really suited to it," he reassured me. "If you don't want to be in Slytherin, I'm pretty sure you won't be."

"He's right,"

"I hope so."


	2. On the Hogwarts Express

We were well out of London now, speeding on our way to school. I felt a rush of excitement. We were going to Hogwarts!

Remus was changing into his new robes. James and I did the same. Then somebody pushed open the compartment door. A tall thin girl came in, throwing back her glittering black hair. I recognised her immediately. My older cousin.

"Bellatrix."

"Little Sirius," Bellatrix sneered. "You haven't changed much since I last saw you… pity."

I clenched my fists and resisted the urge to punch her grinning face.

"So…" she cast a mocking glance over James and Remus. "Who are these?"

"Mind your own business," I snapped.

"So rude. I would have thought you would have learnt more manners than that. We'll soon sort that out in Slytherin,"

I glared at her.

"Anything else?"

She cast an amused eye over Lupin who was looking stunned.

"You're pure-blood?" she asked.

"Half-blood."

Her lip curled.

"What would your mother say?"

"I don't give a damn what that _woman _says," I growled angrily. "Get out of here. Go back to your _friends_."

She swept haughtily out of the door, turning back to add;

"See you in Slytherin."

I looked at James and Remus, expecting to see shock and revulsion in their faces. But instead they looked angry, and sorry for me.

"Who was that girl?" Remus asked

"My cousin. Bellatrix. I think she's in her sixth year."

"Who does she think she is?" James spat. "I'm sorry that she's your cousin… but seriously…"

"My whole family act like that. That's what they expect me to become. I can understand if you don't want to… you know… talk to me anymore…"

I turned away. I could feel tears stinging my eyes. I knew this would happen. My family and my so-called pureness… are driving away the only people who had actually treated me like a real person.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I turned to see James and Remus looking at me.

"Just because your family expect you to act like them, doesn't mean you have to." Remus told me gently.

"But I'll be put in Slytherin! My blood… my ancestry…"

"Your blood doesn't cancel out your personality."

"But you hardly know me… why are you telling me this?"

"Because it is the truth."

I looked at them in astonishment. James smiled.

"Look!" he exclaimed "We're there!"

I looked out of the window, and there it was. The turreted fortress that was my new home. As the train approached, I could see bright candle-light flickering in the windows.

"It's so beautiful," I sighed.

The train stopped at Hogsmeade station, and we got off.

"Firs' years!" came a voice. A huge bearded man strode up and down the platform. We hurried over, and he smiled down at us. "Any more firs' years?" he boomed.

"You must be Hagrid!" Remus breathed. The man looked at him out of small beetle black eyes.

"Yeah, Rubeus Hagrid. Gamekeeper."

"Cool," grinned James.

The first years followed Hagrid to a huge lake, on which several little boats were bobbing up and down. He gestured for us to get into them. I, James, and Remus were followed into our boat by a small round faced boy with small watery eyes and a pointed nose.

"Peter Pettigrew," he smiled nervously.

"I'm James, this is Sirius, and that's Remus,"

"Pleased to meet you."

The boats suddenly began to move by themselves, towards the castle. There was a collective gasp as we approached. It was so huge, and so majestic and incredible.

As we left the boats, Remus told us that this was the last time we would get to the school by boats.

"It's a first year tradition. I read about it in _Hogwarts: a History_."


	3. Sorting

When we arrived in the school, we were led to the Great Hall for our sorting. This was it… the moment of truth. The Hall was amazing, the ceiling looked like the sky outside had; all velvety black and studded with stars. Hundreds, maybe thousands of candles were suspended over our heads, and sat on four long tables were the rest of the school.

I barely listened to the teachers talking, I was so worried about what was about to happen. Eventually, the woman who had led us to the Hall brought in a dirty patchy hat on a stool. I wondered vaguely what this hat had to do with anything. Very un-chic…

The woman teacher (Professor McGonagall I think she is called,) set down the hat and stool in front of us all. She backed away a little, staring at the hat. Maybe she finally realised how tacky it was? But then the hat suddenly started to talk. Well, sing actually.

_Welcome, our new first years,_

_Standing here alone._

_Join our school of wizardry_

_And make yourself at home._

_Learn to spell and charm and fly_

_Your talents will impress,_

_But first we sort you into houses,_

_To which one suits you best._

_Firstly we have Gryffindor, _

_The courageous and the brave._

_Secondly comes Ravenclaw,_

_For those who knowledge crave._

_Thirdly there is Hufflepuff,_

_Where dwelt the loyal at heart,_

_And lastly there comes Slytherin,_

_The cunning and the smart._

_So try me on and I will sort you,_

_Soon you all will see,_

_The house you will do well in,_

_And where you ought to be._

The students and teachers clapped as the hat finished singing. Professor McGonagall came forward again, with a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will sit down on the stool and place the hat on your head. When you are sorted into your house, join your fellow classmates at the correct table."

She began to read out names.

"Allan, Clarisa!"

A blonde girl with big blue eyes ran to the school and lifted the hat on her head.

_Hufflepuff! _The hat called.

"Ainsworth, Emily!"

_Ravenclaw!_

"Avery, Truenus!"

_Slytherin!_

"Birtles, Olivia!"

_Gryffindor!_

My stomach clenched. We were into the "B"s already; it was only a matter of time, until…

"Black, Sirius!"

James crossed his fingers, and Remus gave me an encouraging smile. I walked shakily towards the stool. I could see Bellatrix smirking at me from the Slytherin table. I took a deep breath, and put the hat on. The hat stiffened, and said softly,

_Ah! Another Black! Now then…_

My heart sank. It was bound to put me in Slytherin now.

_Bravery, yes, knowledge, yes… there is cunning, I see, but loyalty, courage… now that's interesting, and very strange, yes… well perhaps, or not…_

The hat appeared to be having some kind of argument with itself, in my head! It fell silent, occasionally muttering to itself. Then it said

_Yes... Yes I think, I think…_

I waited… my finger nails were digging so deeply into my palms that it hurt…

_Gryffindor!! _The hat announced to the hall. I sat there, stunned. Had it just said…? I pulled the hat off, before it could change its mind. Remus and James smiled and winked at me. James mouthed _told you so! _

Bellatrix looked horrified. I smiled and almost ran to the Gryffindor table. Then I settled down to watch the rest of the sorting. To my delight, both Remus and James were placed in Gryffindor, as was Peter Pettigrew, the boy we had shared a boat with. Professor Dumbledore, a tall man with an extremely long beard, stood up, and announced that the feast was about to begin. Everybody clapped and cheered, and dishes of every sort appeared on every table. I grabbed a pie and started to eat.


	4. Snape

After we had eaten as much as possible, we were shown the Gryffindor common room, and our dormitories. We had been given our timetables; lessons started the next day.

"Night guys," I said sleepily, getting into bed.

"Night," my new friends replied.

The next morning, I woke up to see Remus was already dressed. James was still asleep, and so were the other Gryffindor first year boys.

"Whatcha up to?" I asked sleepily.

"Reading," he told me, pointing at the book in his hands. I watched him read for a few minutes, and then decided to get up as well.

When we had woken up James, we made our way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. I grabbed a glass of pumpkin juice and some toast. Then suddenly owls flocked into the hall, dropping letters and parcels down to their owners.

"Oh no!" I groaned, spotting Merwyn, my mother's owl swooping down, a red envelope tied to his leg. I untied the letter, and he bit my finger savagely, before taking off.

"Is that a Howler?" asked Remus, interestedly. I nodded, dunking the envelope into my glass of pumpkin juice, trying to stop it from going off. But it didn't work. My mother's voice, high pitched and wild, echoed from every corner of the Great Hall. I pretended to ignore the voice cursing me to the ends of the earth for being put in Gryffindor and bringing shame to the family, but it hurt. Really hurt. Especially when people such as James had received parcels from home stuffed with sweets. He saw my face, and promised to share them with me and Remus later.

Lessons in Hogwarts are brilliant. Me, James, Remus and a girl called Lily Evans were the only ones who managed to turn our match into a needle in Transfiguration, and we earned some house points. Lily was also in Gryffindor. She had almond shaped green eyes, long red hair, and was very pretty. James watched her every move, transfixed.

We also had Potions with the Slytherins. The Professor was called Slughorn. He, like James, took a real interest in Lily, but his was more due to her aptitude for Potions! Another favourite of his is Severus Snape, a greasy haired Slytherin. Snape was stringy looking with a hooked nose, and his voice is half whine, half sneer. He looked offended to be compared to Lily, who was a muggle-born. I know that this is the norm for Slytherins, but I still find it disgusting. Snape reminds me a lot of my cousin Bellatrix.

My personal favourite lesson so far would have to be Defence against the Dark Arts, but I can't wait for flying lessons! Obviously, we are too young to try out for the team, but I've always wanted to learn how to fly… I mentioned this to James, who nodded fervently. Remus didn't seem so keen.

We are learning with the Slytherins, unfortunately. We were each given a school broom, and instructed how to mount it, and hover in the air. Then we were instructed on how to fly around the field. I was elated to discover that I am very good at flying! Not as good as James, but apparently he has his own broom at home and has flown before. Remus was fair, but didn't seem to enjoy it. To our delight, Snape was rubbish. He could hardly control his broom. Peter managed to stay on his broom for ten seconds, and then fell sideways into a puddle. Snape laughed cruelly, and Peter blushed, scuttling off to pick up his broom, covered in mud.

"Fat loser," Snape jeered "Cry baby!"

Peter looked like he was about to cry. I pulled out my wand, pointing it at Snape's face. James did likewise.

"Leave him alone, you bully!"

"I wouldn't try it." Snape smirked, drawing his wand. "You might embarrass yourself more than Pettigrew… unlikely, but…"

He muttered something, sending a flash of purple light in my direction. I dodged easily and James knocked Snape's wand out of his hand. He was about to punch him, but the teacher, Madam Hooch, was coming over. James released him, and Snape slunk off. I knew that Snape would now be our enemy. Ah well… we could take him.


	5. Remus's Secret

The other outcome of this was that Peter was now following us around like a pet dog.

"That was so good of you guys!" he told us. "I owe you big time!"

"Yeaaaah we own Peter's ass!" cheered James.

Peter laughed. We were now an established group; Peter, Remus, James and Sirius! Now all we had to do was think of a name.

"How about PRJS?" asked Peter. Me and James cracked up laughing.

"PRJS! I wanna stay at the PRJS!!" James sang

"They have everything there! For young men to enjoy!" I added

"You can hang out with all the boys!"

Remus and Peter laughed.

"How about… PeReJaSi?"

"Sounds like a breakfast cereal!" James grinned.

"YOU think of one then!"

"Okay… the tricksters?" he offered.

"No… how about… the marauders!" I said.

Peter stared at me in awe.

"That's great! You're so clever Sirius!"

"I know… it's a curse really… and being so good looking as well…"

James snorted.

But one day, something happened that I wasn't expecting. A gang of girls came up to me at breakfast, giggling and pushing each other.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Go on, then! Ask him!" a tall brunette hissed. Her friend, a quite pretty blonde, blushed furiously, shaking her head vigorously.

"You do it!" the blonde begged.

"Oh for heaven's sake, I'll do it!" said a third.

This girl stepped forwards.

"You're Anna Shahid, right?" I asked. She nodded. She was in Ravenclaw; I had seen her be sorted on my first day here. At least she wasn't giggling and tossing her hair at my every word.

"My friend, Katie, wants to know if you want to go out with her," Anna told me. Katie went scarlet, and smiled weakly at me. I was taken aback.

"Uh…"

I had no idea what to say. I didn't know how you were meant to say no to girls. But Katie seemed to have got the idea. Her face fell.

"I'm sorry… it's just…"

"It's okay," Katie told him, and walked off. James was clearly trying not to laugh, and Remus was hiding a smile.

"Not funny!" I told them, pouting.

It soon became clear that I was somewhat of a heart-throb around school. James seemed to be, as well. It sounds like a really great thing, but believe me, it isn't. On Valentine's Day, I got 64 cards. James got 52. To my surprise, Remus only got 5. I would have thought he would get much more; he's the best looking in the Marauders. Well, I think he is. He has really nice light brown hair, and beautiful eyes, that are really deep and soulful, and… he's just gorgeous. I don't fancy him though. No. No way. Not ever.

There's something else about Remus. Every month he disappears for one night. He tells us that his mother is ill, and he has to visit her, all sorts of stories. But even if we were gullible enough to believe it, I know Remus. When he lies, his eyes twitch slightly, and he fidgets. He clearly wasn't telling us the whole truth here. But why? Why was he lying to his closest friends?

We tried to figure it out, but couldn't work out anything. We secretly joked that it was his "time of the month" and that was why he left the school. But I feel there is something more sinister going on. When he comes back, he often has bruises or scratches, which he tries to hide from us. What was going on?!

We had finished our exams now. Peter had felt the pressure a little, but we helped him master spells and learn dates and information, and he passed all right. Me and James and Remus sailed through with no problem. Unfortunately, Snape passed as well. We had been hoping he'd fail and stay behind a year. Slimy little twat.

Before soon, it was the end of the year. I was dreading going back to number 12 Grimmauld Place, but with all my friends abroad, there was no way I could stay with any of them.

"You'll write, won't you?" I asked.

"Of course!"

"Every week!"

"Every day!"

I laughed.

"Maybe we can meet up in Diagon Alley to get our stuff for next year?" Remus suggested.

"Yeah," I said. "I'd like that."

We boarded the Hogwarts Express, and as the train began to move away, it took me further and further away from the first place I could call home.


	6. Home at Grim Old Place

The first thing I did in the holidays was to barricade myself in my room. I even locked the door using a spell we learnt in Charms, although mother and father would be able to get in if they wanted to. I didn't even come out for meals; mother left plates of leftovers outside my door. It's awful to be back in this hellhole. Mother and father are their usual stuck-up selves, and Regulus is even more of a bratty stick of shit. If that is humanely possible. They didn't greet me when I got back, didn't ask me how my year was… they pretty much ignored me. This was fine by me.

I was locked in my room for a week anyway for letting the family name go to the dogs and all that… by cavorting with half-bloods and muggle-borns and being put in Gryffindor. (The shame… not.) Regulus, however, was treated like a little king. What makes him so special? He's a bullying prejudiced prick, same as the parents. But I would much rather be alone than be with them.

I contemplated climbing out of my window and sneaking off to London. But if I did, I doubt I would be allowed to Diagon Alley, and it would be even longer until I saw my friends again. I missed them all so much. James, well he's just hilarious. He makes me laugh all the time, and is loyal and smart… and Peter. He's great too. And then there's Remus… kind and helpful, and funny, and also sensible. Quiet but mischievous. Strong, silent, but a hidden spark that sort of shines out when nobody is looking, a kind of…inner beauty. We really need to find out where he goes once a month. I'm really confused, but I am determined to find out, if it's the last thing I do.

I hate being locked up in this house. I even enjoy doing my homework; it gives me something to do to kill some time. But all my homework was finished after a week, and as I didn't want to join my "family," I had nothing to do but lie in the dark of my room, and wait eagerly for letters from my friends. At least I had them to talk to; they wrote regularly and told me all about the interesting places they were visiting. I wish they were here, or I was there with them.

After what seemed like eons, a letter arrived from James, proposing that we should go to Diagon Alley on the coming Thursday. I scribbled "yes" and hurriedly sent back his owl. I don't have an owl of my own, so I always use the ones that my friends send. We arranged a date and a place to meet, and he assured me that the others would be there as well. As this was the day before we were due to be back at Hogwarts, we decide to take our trunks with us, book into the Leaky Cauldron, and stay the night there. Then James's parents would pick us up and take us to Kings Cross Station.

It was the perfect plan. Now I just had to tackle the parents. I made my way downstairs, and found the Supreme Dictator Bitch in the drawing room, finishing a letter. Probably giving somebody a load of gold to keep quite about whatever nasty deal my parents were working on at the moment. Sounds like the kind of thing they usually do.

"What do you want?" SBD hissed as I knocked on the door. I swallowed.

"Well, I need to get my new school stuff for Hogwarts. I was going to go to Diagon Alley this Thursday."

"Whatever," she dismissed, looking back down to her letter. This might be harder than I originally anticipated.

"I don't have any money."

She looked at me coldly, and took a bag stuffed full of gold from a cupboard above the desk.

"Here. You're not getting anymore till next year. Now piss off you ungrateful little sod."

I left, with the money clutched in my hands. That's the good thing about having dirty rich parents. They give you a fortune to spend on school books without realising it.


	7. Diagon Alley

I walked the couple of streets to the Leaky Cauldron, dragging my heavy trunk behind me. Tom the barman hurried to help me take it up to my room, and I set off to the alley behind the brick wall in the back yard. I saw my friends sitting on a stool outside a café, and hurried over to meet them. James and Peter gave me a friendly hug, and then Remus practically threw himself at me.

"Hey, you're going to hug me to death!" I laughed, hugging him back. I was so pleased to see them all again. We had all got our equipment letters a few weeks back, and had some new books to get, as well as our Potions stocks to replenish. So we went to Flourish and Blotts for the books, and then to the Apothecary. We were passing the Quidditch shop, when I spotted a new broom in the window. Not just any broom either. It was beautiful, with a shiny handle, fine clipped twig tail, and silver writing spelling; _The Gold Dragon_. Apparently this was the fastest racing broom in the world…

"Wow…" I sighed, pressing my face up against the window. James was looking entranced at the sight of this new broom.

"I'm going to buy one!" he told me. Remus looked shocked.

"Its 1500 Galleons!" he spluttered.

"I have 1500 Galleons!" James grinned.

"So do I!" I agreed, gesturing at my bulging money bag.

"Get one as well then!"

I looked at him thoughtfully.

"You know, I think I will…"

Remus and Peter looked on in stunned silence as we went into the shop. We came out with the new brooms wrapped tightly in brown paper, and I still had quite a lot of money left! I bought the others a sundae at the ice-cream parlour, and then we went to the joke shop. The Marauders were in their element. This was the perfect shop for us, and we spent at least half an hour walking around. We all came out with a huge bag of tricks.

Then we went to pick up a few last things, such as ink and parchment, and then back to the Leaky Cauldron. I threw my many parcels and bags down on my bed, and went next door to Remus's room. James and Peter were there too, sitting on his bed. I lay down next to Remus, sighing contentedly.

"They'll have to pick us for the team with these brooms!" I said happily.

"You don't need flashy brooms, you are great flyers already!" Remus told me.

"Thanks mate!" I smiled.

"Look what my mum gave me!" James said suddenly. He went to his own room, returning with a soft silky silver cloak.

"Nice cloak…?" Peter said. But me and Remus stared at it open mouthed.

"Hey… is that… an invisibility cloak??" I breathed. James grinned, and slung it around his shoulders. Peter looked at him with wide eyes. James was now a head, floating a few feet from the ground.

"Whoah…" Remus said.

James pulled the cloak back off, and wrapped it around me.

"Am I invisible??" I asked. The others nodded. The cloak was light, and moved like water around me, rather than material. It was so light!

"This is surreal!" I walked over to a mirror, and stared into it. Nobody stared back! I laughed in delight. I crept slowly around the room, and then jumped onto Remus.

"Aargh!! Sirius!!"

He tried to punch me, but missed. The others were doubled up; seeing Remus fighting with thin air must be pretty funny! I scooped him up and carried him around the room. He grabbed me around the neck, squealing. James was doubled up, and Peter's eyes were streaming with tears from laughing so much. It was hilarious.

But this would be a pretty good way to sneak around at Hogwarts; we could go around after dark without any worry, we could do anything!

"We could use this cloak to find out where Remus goes…" James muttered during dinner. This thought had occurred to me, but I didn't really relish the idea of sneaking around after our friend. It seemed a bit… underhand. Still…

Before I knew it, we were back at Kings Cross station. James's parents are so nice! If only I had been born to parents like that, instead of mine. I mean, they obviously love James so much, and were really friendly to me and the others. Wow.

We got onto Platform 9 ¾ and boarded the train, taking the first empty compartment we saw. Remus pulled out one of his new text books, and settled down to read. Peter was finishing his Charms homework, tongue sticking out as he wrote and then rewrote sentences. Remus sighed and tugged it out of his hands, picking up a quill.

"Thank you!!" breathed Peter, rubbing a small spot of ink off his nose.

"Just this once!" Remus smiled. James and I were practising duelling, quite hard in such a small space.

"_Impedimenta!"_

"_Protego! Expelliarmus!"_

I caught James's wand and threw it back to him. Peter applauded enthusiastically, as did several girls lurking outside. I recognised one of them as the blonde girl who had asked me out the previous year.

"Uh… Katie isn't it? Can I help you?"

She giggled madly, holding a hand to her chest, and fluttering her eyelashes.

"No…" she smiled.

"He's gay!" James told her, pointing at me. She looked as though she believed him for a moment, and then smiled.

"Very funny!"

"No I really am! Isn't that right honey??" I said to Remus. He looked up from correcting Peter's essay.

"Uh sure…"

I sat next to him, stroking his hair teasingly.

"Yeah. Right. See you later Sirius!" she winked, sashaying out of the compartment.

"Remus!! You were meant to back me up!"

"I did!"

"You weren't very convincing. I'll never get those girls to go away!"

"Why don't you get a girlfriend?" James suggested. "Then they will."

"Like who? That Katie? No thanks!"

Remus frowned and stuck his nose back inside his book.


	8. Back at Hogwarts

Hogwarts is just the same as it was last year. Same lessons… though a new DADA teacher. Apparently Professor Wheaton is in St Mungo's. Same Dumbledore, same annoying bimbo girls following me and James around like annoying buzzing flies. Ick. Maybe if I hexed them they would go away?

I and James are definitely going to try out for Quidditch. He wants to try out for Chaser, but personally I fancy being a Beater. All that whacking things around at Slytherins… I could definitely get used to that. Try outs are tomorrow and I really hope I get in. James is sure that we both will, but he is definitely much too confident.

We practised on the Quidditch pitch after lessons had finished today. Peter sat in the stands cheering. But then our fan club turned up and we had to abandon pitch. Damn them. Damn them all.

There was an unhealthy amount of girls in the stands when we went to try out as well. As if I wasn't nervous enough. They even had a banner. With my name on it. And James's. And lots of love hearts that flashed different colours. James looked hopefully around the stands. I think he was looking for Lily, but she wasn't there.

The captain, Ellis Fleet, was busy handing out school brooms to those who didn't have one of their own. His jaw dropped when he saw the two gleaming Dragons we were holding.

"Whoah…"

"So we're on the team??" asked James cheekily. Fleet grinned, tearing his eyes away from the brooms.

"I seriously hope you can fly!"

James nodded eagerly, and we all mounted our brooms. We flew once around the pitch to warm up, and our brooms left most of the others behind without trying! Then we started the real event…

I'm on the team!! When Fleet announced my name as one of the Beaters, I flew up into the air and did a loop the loop. The girls all cheered and clapped. I seriously considered stunning a few of them, but I'm in a good mood today. James is of course a Chaser as he wanted. But a bit of bad news… apparently Snivelly Snape is on the Slytherin team. I have not the foggiest idea how he managed to get in. I seem to remember him being distinctly shit at flying.

I mentioned this to James, who smiled sheepishly.

"I sort of put a hex on his broom that day," he admitted. I swore.

"So Snivellus can actually fly?"

He snorted.

"Snivellus… nice name. Yeah, he's the Seeker."

"Oh well. We'll still kick the crap out of his slimy little Slytherin arse."

"I assume you're talking about Snape there?" said an amused voice from behind us. Remus and Peter had come down from the stands. Peter was dancing on the spot excitedly.

"You were fantastic James! And you too Sirius! Well done!"

"You were pretty good," Remus agreed. "Told you."

I grinned at them, and then groaned.

"Crazed female fans at twelve o' clock…"

"Sirius!! You were incredible!! Wow you're such a good flier and so smart and everything too!!"

"Yeah whatever."

Oh crap. We were surrounded by the creatures now.

"Blast your way out," James muttered out of the corner of his mouth. He was joking though. He seemed to be enjoying the attention, but it made me uncomfortable. I eventually escaped, leaving James to brag to the groupies. He's never going to get Lily him if he acts like that all the time.

"He's never going to get Lily to go out with him if he acts like that!" Remus muttered. I stared at him. Whoah, that's freaky. I can't believe we were thinking exactly the same thing. Strange.

We ran into Lily on our way back to the common room.

"Oh hey, Evans."

"Sirius. Remus. Peter." she nodded. "Where's Potter?"

"James? Uh…"

I didn't want to give away my best mate. I should help him get with this girl. But she saw it in my eyes.

"With some cheap slut I suppose. Bloody figures." she said dismissively. "Not as if I care." she added. "Because I don't. You can tell him that."

When she had left, I exchanged a knowing look with Remus. Peter looked confused.

"What??" he asked.

"You'll find out…"


	9. Conflict with Snivellus

We practised like hell over the next few weeks. The whole team was in awe of our brooms, and Fleet was determined that we would win the first match of the season, against Slytherin. I and James of course, had our own personal vendetta against Slytherin and in particular it's Seeker. Snape was his usual snivelling low life self whenever we saw him, which thankfully wasn't a lot.

We did meet him coming down from Potions one day, his hooked nose just visible from his mass of greasy hair.

"All right Snape?" James said in a mock pleasant voice.

"Potter… where's your Mudblood girlfriend? Oh, I forgot. She isn't your girlfriend. Even she isn't mad enough to go out with you." he sneered nastily. James pulled out his wand, face a bright scarlet.

"You leave Lily alone! You slimy poisonous little…"

"At least James is popular." I said calmly. "Not even the giant squid would date a dirty cockroach dick like you, Snivellus."

His pallid features contorted, and he drew his wand.

I deflected his hex, and sent one back at him. He ducked, stumbling on the hem of his robes, and fired another couple of curses randomly in every direction.

"I hope you're a better aim when playing Quidditch!" James snorted. Snape spat at his feet.

"That's what I think of you… and that dirty Mudblood bitch. I'm surprised Dumbledore let a creature like her into the school, she's…"

But his other words were muffled by James's fist, which hit him cleanly in the jaw. Snape lunged at him, but I stuck out a leg, and Snape sprawled at our feet clutching his face. He reached for his wand, which had been knocked out of his hand when James hit him, but Remus picked it up.

"I'd be a bit politer if I were you." he said coldly. "There are more of us than there are of you."

Snape reached for the wand, but Remus held it out of his reach.

"Say sorry."

Snape swore and spat again. Remus's eyes glinted threateningly.

"I suppose you don't want this back then?" he said, slipping the wand into his pocket. I looked at him in admiration, as Snape said grudgingly

"Sorry. Okay??"

"That's better. See now, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

He chucked Snape's wand across the corridor. Snape scrambled to his feet and ran to fetch it.

"Nice one!" James said appreciatively. I and Peter nodded in approval. He shrugged, smiling mischievously. Our little Remus was finally growing up.

"Good luck for the Quidditch tomorrow Snivellus!" I yelled after him as he fled down the corridor without a backwards look. We are going to beat him. We have to beat him. We will beat him.


	10. Quidditch

The morning of the first Quidditch match of the year dawned. The sun is shining, the birds are singing in the trees… and I am bloody nervous. The Slytherins are meant to be really vicious, what if I end up with a Bludger embedded in my skull? What if I fall off my broom and break my neck? Well I just hope that we beat them. It'll really wipe the smirk of Severus Shithead Snape's face.

Who does that bastard think he is? I bet he becomes one of Voldemort's lot when he leaves school. He knows more dark magic than half the seventh years. Speaking of Voldemort, he killed five wizards in Aberdeen this week. It was all over the Daily Prophet. His followers all broke into the house where they lived. None of the wizards survived. His Death Eaters all escaped without being caught, unfortunately. I hope they burn in hell. Murderous scum.

Remus and Peter wished us luck, and we made our way to the changing room. We pulled on our scarlet red team robes, and marched out onto the pitch, broomsticks in our hands, to huge applause from the Gryffindor side, and boos and hisses from the Slytherins. Our house had even got cheerleaders! Eat that, Slytherin!

Mind you, I don't particularly like the cheerleaders myself. They were some of the original group of irritating girls who had stalked me and James. Especially since they were squealing extremely annoying things such as

"Sir-ius! He's so hot! He is everything your not!"

Not even original. And they can't even sing. Well at least we have supporters…

Snape was skulking at the back of his team, in too-big emerald robes and a scowl. We all mounted our brooms, and the whistle blew. James rocketed upwards, waving at the crowd with a big cheesy grin on his face, winking at girls. The cheerleaders went crazy. I grinned as I circled the pitch. That guy sure knows how to work a crowd! Snape however, was looking furious at the attention James was getting.

"Arrogant little shit your friend, isn't he??" he called over to me. I grimaced and whacked a Bludger at him. He ducked just in time, and I laughed mockingly, before flying off to ward a Bludger away from Campbell Davies, the Gryffindor Seeker.

The score was 5-2 to Gryffindor, and the Snitch was still nowhere in sight. My original qualms had disapparated, and I was enjoying the cheers of the crowd and the wind blowing in my hair as I soared to thwack yet another Bludger at the Slytherins. Needless to say, James had scored four out of the five goals, and even the Slytherin commentator could find nothing bad to say about his flying. Instead, he chose to remark on James's apparent false high opinion of himself, so-called popularity and overconfidence. The Gryffindor booed angrily at these observations, while Professor McGonagall tried to tug the microphone out of his hands. I stuck my middle finger up at him. A Bludger narrowly missed my left ear, and I swung my bat at it, sending it straight at Snape. Unfortunately he managed to zoom away, and my Bludger ended up hitting a Slytherin Chaser in the shoulder. Ah well, the wrong Slytherin is better than no Slytherin.

"… _ah yes, Sirius Black, the new Gryffindor Beater_." the commentator was saying. "_Apparently he is somewhat of a ladies man… not surprising as he looks like a girl himself_."

The cheerleaders hissed and growled furiously, and James rolled his eyes as I flew past. I grinned, and looked for a Bludger to hit at the commentator.

"… _and Severus Snape had seen the Snitch_!"

I whirled round. Snape was indeed hurtling after the little gold ball, and our own Seeker was not looking close to catching up with him. Snape flew past me, his face screwed up in concentration. Without thinking, I joined the chase for the Snitch. My Dragon overtook Snape's old Whirlwind, and I hit the Snitch with my Beater's bat as hard as I could. It flew over Snape's head… and Campbell caught it. The crowd stared. Then an explosion of clapping filled the stands. The cheerleaders were going crazy. They seemed to have abandoned their lame chants, and were just screaming my name. James gave me a thumbs up, and we touched back down, cheering with the crowd. Snape looked furious… but what I had done wasn't actually against the rules, so we had won. Fair and square.

The team rushed to hug me too. I dropped my Beater's bat, and let them embrace me. When they finally let me go, and went to Campbell, I smiled contentedly. I had won my first ever Quidditch match, I was so happy. The sky looked so blue, the grass so green, the air so… black…


	11. Discoveries

I woke up in the hospital wing with a banging headache. James, Peter and Remus were all peering anxiously down at me.

"What happened…?" I groaned.

"Snape picked up your Beater bat and threw it at you. You cracked your skull… but the nurse mended it okay." Remus said gently, stroking my hair out of my eyes. It felt nice…

"Snivellus is such a bastard." spat James. I agreed heartily. What a sore loser! He could have killed me!

"James hexed him until he could barely stand up!" Peter said.

James grinned modestly.

"Well, it was really Remus that was the spitfire! He jumped on Snape and nearly throttled him!"

I looked at Remus in surprise. He was usually the mot sensible and composed of the Marauders. It was hard to imagine him beating Snape to a pulp.

"Yeah, and Remus was the one who was practically crying for the past hour!" Peter added.

Remus blushed, swatting at Peter with one hand.

"Well he got you right in the back of the head! You could have died!"

I nodded, but then stopped as it made the splitting pain in my head worse.

"Did somebody see? Is he being punished?" I asked hopefully. I had an image of Snape being thrown off the Slytherin team… or sent away from the school altogether…

James nodded with satisfaction.

"He's got detention every day this year."

"That's not nearly enough," growled Remus, soaking a sponge in a bowl of water on the table next to my bed and swabbing my forehead. It felt nice and cold, and soothed my sore head. I smiled gratefully up at him.

"Your head will hurt a lot for a while," Remus told me, dipping the sponge back into the bowl.

"We won though…" I sighed. James nodded, beaming down at me.

"It was a great win as well, mate! Stroke of genius. You really stuck it to Snape!"

I left the hospital the next day, my headache completely cleared up, and in high spirits. Remus told us that he would be visiting relatives that evening. James and I exchanged looks; it must be that "time of the month." We still hadn't worked it out, and James had been hinting we follow him in the invisibility cloak. I was still sure we could work it out ourselves, however.

Remus left the common room at seven o'clock, and James and Peter began a discussion about where he could be going. I watched them for a while, and then I went up to the dormitory to do my Transfiguration essay. I paused to look out of the window. Was that Remus, walking across the grass with Madam Pomfrey? I watched as they crossed the lawn and out of sight. They seemed to be heading towards the Whomping Willow. But why would anybody want to go to that sadistic tree? They must be going somewhere else…

I picked up my essay, deciding to do it there on the windowsill, so that I could watch if Remus returned. He didn't, but Madam Pomfrey came back alone a few minutes later. I picked up my quill, dipped it in the ink and began to write. The moon slid out from behind a cloud, and lit up the night. It struck me how big and round it looked. Actually, it was a full moon last time Remus left mysteriously as well…

In fact… I'm pretty sure it always has been a full moon when he has gone AWOL. Excitement coursing through me, I ran to my trunk and pulled out my copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. _I flicked through to the section on werewolves, and read it carefully. This was it! This must be the reason he left every month, every full moon. He was a werewolf! It was possible… in fact it all makes sense now.

I wasn't shocked. Why should I be? I would ask Remus if it was true when he gets back in the morning… but I'm pretty sure that this is the explanation. It makes perfect sense. However, I will confront Remus before I tell the others about my discovery.

I knew Remus wouldn't be back until morning, so I undressed and got into bed. James and Peter came up after a while, and fell asleep pretty much straight away. There was no point staying up all night, so I set my alarm on a clock I got from Diagon Alley, and went to sleep.


	12. Explaining

I woke up to hear my alarm clock beeping, and turned it off quickly. It was six in the morning, and Remus was back. He was curled up in his bed, sleeping peacefully, his hair fanned out behind his head like a halo. It seemed a shame to wake him, but I knew I would have to.

I crossed quietly to his bed, and shook him gently. He opened one eye sleepily.

"Siri…Sirius…Wha's up? Is school on fire?"

I shook my head.

"No… come on, I got to talk to you."

He groaned, closing his eyes.

"Its six in the morning. Go to sleep" he said. I sighed impatiently. Then I picked him up and carried him down to the common room.

"Now we are going to talk!" I told him, setting him down in a chair. He rubbed his eyes, yawning. He was still half asleep.

"Remus! Wake up!"

"I'm awake already! What's so damn important?"

"I want to talk about werewolves."

Remus jumped about a mile. He was wide awake now.

"What… what about werewolves?" he said, his voice shaking.

"Remus, I know that's why you've been disappearing each month."

He looked as though I had just punched him. He covered his head with his hands.

"Why didn't you tell us?" I asked. He blinked at me.

"You mean… you're not disgusted? You aren't going to tell everybody and get me thrown out of the school?"

"Of course not!" I smiled. "I'm your friend!"

He smiled back, and then hugged me tightly.

"Are you crying??" I asked, looking at Remus. He wiped his eyes furiously. I grinned, and cuddled him. He leant against my chest, clutching the front of the tank top I was wearing.

"Now… you have a lot of explaining to do." I told him. "Why were you going to the Whomping Willow?"

I had promised Remus that I wouldn't tell the others about his secret, but it was getting harder. Remus was definitely getting paranoid, jumping whenever somebody used the words "moon" or "change." Sometimes I threw words into the conversation on purpose, just to shake him up. I was trying to persuade Remus to tell the others himself, but he wouldn't budge.

"I understood, didn't I?" I said in exasperation.

"Yeah… but you're you. You're an understanding person. They might not feel the same."

"Of course they will!"

Still he would not be persuaded. I bugged him over and over again, promising that our friends would keep the secret as well. Eventually he agreed he would tell them. Just not yet.

But months went on, and James and Peter were still in the dark. We did our exams, we played more Quidditch, and we won the Quidditch cup… but still he hadn't told them. He kept insisting that it wasn't the right time yet, but if he didn't hurry it would be the end of the year and he still wouldn't have told them.

"Just tell them!!"

"I will, I will!"

"When?"

"Tonight, okay???"

"Okay!"

I was determined to make sure that he went through with it this time. So I gathered all of our friends together in the dormitory. Remus was fidgeting like crazy; biting his nails and shuffling his feet. James and Peter looked confused. I smiled encouragingly at Remus.

"Uh… there's a reason why I've been vanishing each month…" he said nervously.

The others looked at him eagerly.

"I… I…"

He looked at me tensely. I squeezed his hand, and nodded. He swallowed.

"I… I'm a werewolf." he whispered. The others looked stunned.

"Really?" James said. "Cool."

"See!" I laughed. "Told you they would understand!"

He smiled happily, and James and Peter looked at me.

"Sirius knew???" they asked incredulously. Remus grinned.

"He worked it out." he told them.

"Guilty!" I admitted.

"Why didn't you tell us from the start you silly banana!"

"That's what I said!"

"Well now you know."

"Yeah it's about time!!"

Remus grinned happily. He seemed a lot happier now it was all out in the open. We would be finishing the year with no secrets, and with the Quidditch and House Cup secured by Gryffindor! I can't wait until third year! Especially since James has invited me to stay at his house for the summer…


	13. Animagi? Cool

I didn't even bother unpacking my trunk when I got back to Grimmauld Place. I was going to be going to the Potter's house in a few days, so there wasn't much point. I told the SDB that I would be spending the holidays at a friend's house. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, but I managed to convince her that James is indeed a pureblood. She thrust more gold at me and I went back to my room. Regulus is starting Hogwarts in September. Obviously they took _him_ around Diagon Alley themselves, while I stayed at home with Kreacher to "look after me."

Well, I would be going into Diagon Alley with James anyway. Kreacher was wandering around muttering to himself. That house elf is going mad.

"Hey Kreacher, go get me a cup of coffee."

The elf looked up at me with blood shot eyes.

"Young master Sirius wants a cup of coffee? Yes and Kreacher will get his coffee, and Kreacher hopes it chokes him, ungrateful little brat that he is."

"Fine then, I'll get the bloody coffee. You'd probably piss in it or something."

I went down to make my coffee. I suddenly heard a knock on the door and froze. Was it one of mother's awful friends? I wouldn't let them in if it was. I peered through the spyhole in the door. A pair of hazel eyes peered back. James! I opened the door and let him in.

"James, what are doing here? You aren't due until tomorrow!"

"Yeah but you said your parents would be out today in your last letter, so I thought it would be a good chance."

Kreacher shuffled into the room.

"Who is this boy young master Sirius has let into master's house Kreacher wonders? Does mistress know?"

"Yeah my mother does know, Kreacher. Now get lost."

"So rude young master Sirius is. So impolite, such a filthy uncouth swine…"

I picked up the front of his loincloth, and threw him out into the hall. James was staring.

"Sorry about him."

"It's okay. Have you packed your trunk?"

"Yep. Accio trunk! Accio Gold Dragon!"

My trunk and broomstick flew down the stairs.

"We aren't allowed to do magic outside school!" James reminded me.

"Yeah, but they just trace the house it is done in, not the person doing it. It could be my mother, couldn't it?"

"Really?!" James beamed at me. "That's fantastic! We can do magic and they won't know!"

"Yeah yeah, now let's go before the parents and Regulus get back. How are we getting to your house exactly?"

"Floo powder!" he drew a small bag from his pocket.

We arrived in the Potter's house and James helped me out of the fire. I looked around the room we had come out in. It was a study. It was large, and similar to the study at Grimmauld Place, but more homey and interesting and warm. Mrs Potter came in, smiling when she saw me.

"Sirius! So good to see you!"

"Great to see you too Mrs Potter!"

"James will show you your room."

I followed James up a flight of stairs. This house was exactly like Grimmauld Place, but without the decapitated house elves stuck to the wall. It had a huge garden as well, on which somebody had set up Quidditch hoops. James saw me looking and grinned.

"My mini Quidditch pitch."

"Cool!!"

"Here's your room."

I set my stuff down by my bed, and smiled at James.

"I love your house!"

"Thanks!"

We heard a noise form next door, and a very familiar amused voice saying

"James Potter what the hell is this?"

We ran next door to James's room, to see Remus staring into a box. James went bright red, and seized it. But not before I had seen the letters inside, each one addressed to Lily Evans.

"You shouldn't be looking at my personal stuff!" James hissed, shoving the box out of site.

"My dear James, you left it on your bed."

"Well… you shouldn't have looked."

Remus shook his had, smiling, and looked at me.

"Hey Sirius."

"Hi Remus! When did you get here?"

"Last night."

"Is Peter coming?"

"No, he's on holiday."

"Oh well."

"Less of the small talk! I have a plan!" announced James. "We, as in me, Sirius and Peter, are going to become Animagi!"

"Huh?"

"You what?"

Our friend sighed impatiently, tousling his already messy hair.

"We are going to learn to be unregistered Animagi. I know somebody who did it. She says it isn't too difficult, but it takes a while to learn and you have to study really hard."

"But why…?"

"We can keep Remus company when he transforms into a werewolf! Werewolves don't hurt animals. Also, it would be pretty cool to turn into an animal, don't you think?"

"Okay then, let's do it."

Remus stared at us.

"You… you'd do that? For me?"

"Of course! We're your friends!"

Remus hugged us happily. So… we were going to be Animagi? Awesome!


	14. Falling

This summer is the best ever. Instead of being locked up in my dark room, I play Quidditch, and generally mess about with my friends. We got all our new school stuff from Diagon Alley, including that for the new subjects we would have to take; Divination and Care of Magical Creatures.

Remus had insisted we got all our homework done first, but that didn't take too long, and we had the rest of the holidays to do whatever we wanted. James had bought a book about Animagi from Flourish and Blotts, and we read it over and over again. Usually you would have help from the ministry to become an Animagus, but we would have to do it all ourselves. It seemed very complicated. You had to brew a potion called the Bestia Verto potion… and it looked extremely complicated. Then you would have to drink it, visualize yourself becoming an animal and say the words "Verto Mihi." Then, you would be able to transform into your specific animal at will, without needing to use the potion/ incantation again.

Remus was studying the ingredients.

"I doubt we will be able to get these from the student store cupboard at Hogwarts!" he worried, reading through the long list. "Equus eggs, dragon skin, Caliga…"

"I could go down to the apothecary at Diagon Alley and get some." James suggested. "I'll use Floo powder, it won't take very long."

"Good idea. Do you want us to come?"

"Nah, I'll only be gone ten minutes."

He grabbed his money bag and left. Remus was now reading through the list of risks and side effects.

"I've never heard of anything where so many things can go wrong." he said uneasily. "Are you really sure you want to take the chance?"

I nodded.

"Quit worrying! It'll be fine!" I reassured him. He bit his lip. He's such a cool guy. He was worried about his friends getting hurt. Not many would feel like that, but Remus does feel things very deeply. That's why I love him.

Holy crap, did I just say the L word? No way, I don't love him. I take it back. I am not gay; I'm into girls aren't I? Yeah, if I like girls then there's no way I can be gay. But… there's just something about him. Something I find amazing, something I just want to have forever. To keep. To be mine.

But even if I did fancy him, which I don't, there's no way he would feel the same. He would be grossed out, and probably never speak to me ever again. Yeah, so it's best for everybody if I never ever speak of it again. It's a passing thing. It'll pass.

Remus was looking at me.

"Sirius are you okay? You look kind of… spaced out."

"Yeah, I'm completely ogay…okay!! I'm okay!!" I gabbled.

"Right…"

"So… how long does it take this potion to be made?"

"Two years."

"Two _years_???"

"Sure. It's a very complex potion. You'll also need to practise the Verto Mihi bit. You don't need your wand for the actual transformation, but if you practise with your wand on inanimate objects such as buttons, you should be able to make them become the animal they most resemble."

"A button? What the hell is a button like?"

"You'll have to find that out yourself. It's vital that you master this spell. But at Hogwarts. No more illegal underage magic here, you understand me?"

"Ooh, yes Professor Lupin!!"

"I'm being serious."

"I'm being Sirius too!!"

He smiled at my feeble joke, and then picked the book up again. He must know the thing off by heart now. We heard a crash downstairs, and James stumped up the staircase, his face like thunder.

"Love sucks." he said, throwing a bag full of potion ingredients at Remus and collapsing onto the bed.

"I take it Miss Evans was in Diagon Alley also?" Remus inquired. James nodded.

"What's wrong with me? Why does she hate me?" he groaned.

"She doesn't hate you, she just…"

"…despises me." he finished.

"Well maybe if you stopped jinxing Snape every moment you get…"

"What and he's going to stop jinxing me? Oh hi Severus, look, I fancy Lily and want her to go out with me, but she won't as long as I keep fighting with you, so what say we be friends? Yeah right."

"Love does suck, doesn't it?" I agreed. I hadn't actually realised I had been speaking out loud, until James gave a weak chuckle.

"What do you have to worry about? All the girls love you…"

"Not the person I want. This… girl." I said quickly.

"Ooh, which?" James said interestedly. Remus looked angry for some reason, and was busy examining the ingredients James had brought.

"That's for me to know…" I told him.

"And us to find out." James grinned. "You're the most popular guy in the school mate. You'll be able to get this girl. Just turn on the old charm."

"Yeah, because that really works. Just look at how well that worked with Lily," I said dryly. But maybe there was a glimmer of sense in what he was saying. Maybe I could get Remus to like me… in that way. Besides, I always act a bit touchy feely. It won't seem too forward, and it might make him really fall for me. One can only hope. Aargh, what am I thinking?? I'm in the deep shit now. There's no going back.


	15. Third Year

In no time at all, it was time to go back to school. We are allowed to go to Hogsmeade this year! Regulus was put straight into Slytherin. Dear mother will be so proud… It was kind of obvious. He is exactly the kind of scum Slytherin is composed as. E.g. Snape, Bellatrix… Bellatrix has left Hogwarts now, thank Merlin. Regulus has joined Snape's little group, and I expect to hear his allegiance to Voldemort announced any day now.

We explained our ideas about becoming Animagi to Peter, who was excited but a little anxious. Peter isn't as… well… academically sound as the rest of us. I think he was a little worried that he would be able to keep up. But we all promised to help.

Guess the amazing place we chose to brew our potion? A girls' toilet! Well, we won't get caught, no girls ever come in. It's technically out of order. This is mainly due to the short sulky ghost of a girl who haunts it. But she just cries in a toilet and lets us get on with the potion. Remus has taken charge of doing the potion, while us lot practise the spell. I managed to turn my first black coat button into a cockroach fairly quickly, and watch it scurry around the bathroom happily.

James turned his blue button into a little bird which fluttered around the room. Peter had made no progress so far. He was red in the face as he pointed his wand at the button, muttering "_Verto Mihi" _over and over again. But the button stayed a button. James went over to help him, and I watched Remus shredding ingredients to add to the softly simmering cauldron. The potion turned the exact azure shade described in the book, and Remus smiled happily.

Speaking of Remus, I had been working very hard at my own goal. I hugged him, flirted, and laughed at his jokes, walked around the dormitory half naked… but he didn't respond. He obviously saw me as nothing more than a friend. It's driving me crazy.

Peter gasped as his button gave a little wiggle, and turned into a butterfly.

"I did it!! James, Sirius!! I did it!"

We clapped, laughing. Now for the next stage, a teacup.

Between Quidditch, the Animagus thing, homework and my pursuit of Remus, I had pretty much no free time. Me and James weren't getting as many detentions, pity since I had bought a rather snazzy two way mirror set in Diagon Alley so we could communicate. School life was pretty much as normal. I hate Divination… the teacher is a real old bat. She has "detected" a malignant being shrouding my future. "Voldemort?" I asked. She gave a little shriek and toppled off her pouffe. Then she predicted my death as payback. Yeah, I'm so scared!

I think me, James, and Remus are the only ones who call Voldemort Voldemort. Most people jump a mile when they hear somebody say the name. Oh, and Dumbledore of course. Remus says that fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself, and I agree. It's much easier just calling him Voldemort.

The potion is coming along great. I think we are about a third finished, maybe more! I can now make a table turn into a horse. This is basically just like Transfiguration, isn't it?? Except harder, and life threatening. It seems to have improved my skills at Transfiguration anyway, McGonagall is shocked!!

Hogsmeade is amazing. Honeydukes… mmm… Honeydukes…. and as for Zonkos, well it's a Marauder's dream! Jokes, tricks, pranks of every shape and size, we spent at least 50 Galleons in there altogether. We had fun playing the tricks on unsuspecting first years, Filch, and of course Snape. We have a pretty good knowledge of the castle by this time, so it's easy to lurk in one of the many secret passages or hidden rooms and wait for somebody to go by…

We only got caught once, and that was because of that vile kitten Filch has, Mrs Norris. Anyway, it was worth it. Yeah, we're bad. Nearly as bad as Peeves, according to Filch, and he's a poltergeist! Peeves actually seems to talk to us, instead of chucking bits of glass at us. He calls us his "ickle Peevesys." Remus doesn't seem too happy about that. I think sometimes he wishes he could have more control over us. Peter just does whatever we tell him to. He's a good friend, though a little spineless.


	16. Fourth Year, Haircuts and another Diary

Another end to another year. I have loved Remus for over a year now, but am no nearer to my goal. I have even started to dream about him. Now I am really getting obsessed. I know how James feels. I'm staying at his house again this summer. Remus can't come… I miss him like crazy. I haven't told anybody, but I think James can sense that something is wrong.

James has sent Lily 86 letters so far. He hasn't sent any that are in his secret box (now locked away where nobody can find it,) but he does tell her he misses her and asks her out. She hasn't replied to a single one so far, and James is really upset about it. He puts on a brave face, and so do I, but we are both far from happy.

I think it was that muggle writer, Shakespeare, who said "Under love's heavy burden do I sink." I know what he means. Love is a burden, and I am sinking. Maybe I should tell Remus, instead of bottling it all up inside. Tell him how he makes me smile the way he reads everything he is given, how he makes me laugh, how I'm happy just to be around him. How I look into a room full of people and see only him.

I write to him, normal friendly letters full of my trademark witty anecdotes, jokes and news. He says he misses me, but he means in the way he misses James and Peter. Not in the way I miss him.

I was relieved and in high spirits when the holidays ended, and it was time to start our fourth year. Remus had taken the Animagus potion home with him, and it was all ready to continue work over the year. He had estimated that it would be ready in the beginning of our fifth year.

We chatted happily on the train. I am so glad to see Remus again. Maybe something will happen this year. I share a bed with Remus sometimes at night when we are all talking, but for him it means nothing. He'd let one of the others in there as well just as willingly. Slut. James isn't making any progress with Lily either. I heard she was dating Frank Longbottom, but I think it was just a rumour. Everybody knows that Frank loves Alice, Lily's friend. But Alice is dating some Ravenclaw boy with big ears and an even bigger ego. Maybe all love is doomed…

Remus's hair had grown a little over the holidays, but it was still nowhere near as long as mine.

"I'm really going to have to cut your hair, Sirius," he told me. "It is way too long."

I agreed. I like to grow my hair longer when I'm depressed, but it was nearly down to my elbows, and it was getting a bit annoying.

That evening, Remus sat me on a chair in the dormitory, and pulled out a pair of scissors.

"Take your shirt off." he commanded. I grinned slyly.

"With pleasure…"

I pulled off my tie and shirt, throwing them on the floor. He put a towel around my neck, and I tensed slightly at his touch. He combed my hair carefully, and then started to cut it.

I laughed as I watched the long locks falling to the floor like black snow. He darted around, trimming a little here and there, eyes narrowed in concentration. He brushed some of the hairs of my chest, smiling offhandedly. I wonder if he knew how much pleasure that simple touch was giving me.

"Wow look at all that hair!" I grinned, pointing at the heaps of hair on the floor. Remus pulled out his wand and Vanished it, then continued to cut carefully. He turned my head from side to side, checking the lengths were even. I shook my head.

"It's so short!" I laughed. He smiled.

"Now for your fringe!"

He cupped my head in one hand, and snipped gently with the other. He blew the cut hair off my face. His face was only inches from mine. If I just leant my head forwards a tiny bit, we would be kissing. This thought both excited and terrified me. I knew I wouldn't dare… but I couldn't quite trust my reckless impulses.

But before I could do anything, he leant back and smiled proudly. He handed me a mirror. I gasped. He had clipped my hair into neat but wild looking layers, the longest layer just above my shoulders. It looked very rock and roll, and I loved it.

"Nice one Remus! You can be my stylist when I'm famous."

"You like it?"

"It's amazing! Perfect! Thanks!"

He blushed a little, his eyes twinkling. He got up, brushing some of my hair off his robes, and pulled the towel from around my neck.

"I'm gonna go have a shower," he yawned. I waved goodbye and shook the last loose bits of hair off, muttering

"_Verto Mihi_"

out of habit, instead of vanishing it. The strands of hair became tiny black beetles that scurried off underneath Remus's bed.

"Crap!"

I lay down on the floor, peering under his bed. I Vanished the little buggers, and then noticed a small black book lying there in the dust. Intrigued, I pulled it out. It was a diary. I didn't know Remus even kept a diary. I flipped open the book, and flicked through it. I found a page dated a few days before we broke up for summer. I began to read.


	17. Puppy love

_Dear Diary…_

_Worked more on the potion. Sirius is doing amazingly well with the Verto Mihi spell, I still can't believe my friends would do this for me! I went and mentioned Sirius again, didn't I? I still can't believe he hasn't guessed how I feel. Two whole years of yearning and obsession… and he has no idea. I seem to be accidentally letting it slip at the most awkward times. Everything about the way I feel for him is accidental. I didn't mean to fall head over heels for one of my best friends, but it still happened. I'm sure he could tell how jealous I was when he mentioned that girl he fancies… but he might have got over her now. I hope so. I wish he would look at me as more than his friend. I wish he saw me like I see him._

_Nearly the holiday now… I wish I could stay at James's again this summer. More time with Sirius, although maybe it's a good thing to keep us apart. I mean, he flirts with me as a joke when he's in a crazy mood, and one of these days I'm going to do something stupid like make a pass at him. He'd probably slap me. Or hex me. _

_Well goodnight Diary. _

_Remus x_

I was dumbstruck. Remus did like me! He did! I felt like doing a war dance around the dormitory, or flying on my broomstick around the grounds at top speed. But most of all, I felt like finding Remus. I had to finally do what I had dreamt about for so long- come clean about my feelings for him. I didn't have long to wait. Remus came in, his hair still a little wet from the shower, wearing his vest and pyjama bottoms. He smiled when he saw me, but then froze when he saw what I was holding.

"Is that… did you read…?" he gabbled, staring at the open diary. I nodded, and he looked horrified.

"Sirius, I… it's… I didn't…"

"You didn't mean what you wrote? Was it not true?"

He forced himself to look into my eyes.

"It was true." he admitted. "Every word."

He looked down at the floor, and turned to leave. His face was ashen, and he was trembling. I grabbed his shoulder, and turned him to face me. He closed his eyes, expecting me to hit him. But what he didn't expect was for me to kiss him. He opened his eyes in shock as my lips came down on his, and I pulled him closer to me.

"I do feel that way about you Remus." I breathed.

"You do?"

"I do."

He wound his arms around my neck, stroking my newly cut hair. I could feel his mouth smiling against my shoulder as I planted soft kisses on his neck.

"I should have told you," he murmured.

"I should have told you too." I replied, hugging him tightly. He looked up at me, and our mouths met again. When we finally broke apart, I saw James and Peter standing in the doorway, mouths hanging open.

"You… uh… weren't meant to see that." stuttered Remus. I was suddenly aware of my bare chest, and seized my shirt. How much had they seen?

"Understatement of the century." Peter answered in a dazed voice.

"Uh…yeah… we kinda have something to tell you." I said.

"As long as it isn't that you're gay and are secretly going out with Remus!" James said. Luckily he was joking.

"It's fine by me." he assured us. "Don't worry about it. I'm happy for you guys."

Peter nodded in agreement. Remus smiled at me as I buttoned up my shirt.

"Nice hair by the way." James added. I grinned at him, ruffling my spikes.

"Remus cut it for me. Sexy, huh?"

"Your hair or Remus?"

"Both," I laughed. I was so happy. I met the man of my dreams, who loves me even though I'm a complete idiot, and my friends approved. But I was dreading what would happen when Regulus found out. How would my mother react to this further humiliating news? Not well, I trust. I expect a Howler, possibly a cursed envelope. Maybe if I'm really lucky she'll actually disown me… I live in hope. Or would it cause even more damage to the precious family reputation? She might just have me killed.

Now I and Remus are finally together, our relationship is just getting better and better. We talk about anything and everything, little things that don't really matter and huge things that matter immensely. I can really open up to him, have a serious conversation and tell him whatever is on my mind, knowing he will take me seriously.

We are starting to get back to the Animagus project. Remus reckons me and James have pretty much mastered the incantation, now we just have to help Peter, and wait for the potion to be finished. I'm quite looking forward to being able to just change into an animal whenever I feel like it. I don't know which animal I will be yet, apparently it will just be the animal that most represents me. I hope it isn't some wimpy kind of animal like a kitten… mind you it would be a little hard sneaking around if I was an elephant!

One Friday evening, I, Remus and James were sitting in the common room, reading that day's issue of the Daily Prophet. I folded up the paper and chucked it into the fire.

"Crap-o-rama." I yawned.

"Is it true that you guys are going out?"

I looked up. It was Lily, looking down at me and Remus.

"Hey Evans. Yeah it is."

"Cool. I just wanted to see if the rumours were true."

"Rumours?"

"Cathy in third year saw you guys kissing in a broom cupboard yesterday. The whole school knows."

"Oh shit…."


	18. Kidnapped!

"Everybody??" I asked Lily urgently. She nodded.

"Pretty much, yeah. Why, were you going to keep it secret?"

"Kind of…"

I couldn't explain to Lily exactly why I wanted to keep my sexuality a secret. If all the school knew… so would Regulus. He wouldn't hesitate to snitch to my mother… I was doomed. Remus saw me biting my nails and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"It'll be okay," he promised me. Two of the cheerleader girls who were sitting in the corner burst into tears when they saw this. Remus looked guilty. He looked so cute I laughed in spite of myself.

"You're right; it will be all right in the morning. Everything will be okay then."

Lily sat down in an armchair. James sat up straight and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm really glad about you two," she told us, smiling. "It's very cute… I'm sure everybody will understand."

I didn't correct her. My family would never, never ever forgive me if they found out. James smiled lazily at her, trying to look at ease.

"So…love is in the air, huh?" he said to Lily.

"I guess."

"Want to go out with me?"

"Not particularly."

James looked hurt. He pouted like a petulant child.

"Why not?"

"I might consider it when you grow up a bit!"

"I'm plenty grown up! Aw come on Evans!"

"My answer is still no! Who was it who hung Snape's bag off the Astronomy tower today? "

"Why do you care about Snivellus?! Come on, he deserved it!"

"James, you are fourteen years old! Stop acting like an eight year old!"

She flounced dramatically from the room, her long red hair swishing behind her.

"Bad luck mate." I said. But James looked happy.

"Did you hear? She called me James! Instead of Potter! James, she said!" he grinned ecstatically, looking at the portrait hole where Lily had just gone. We smiled at him, but I was still scared about the old bat finding out. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I thought…

Next morning on the way to Charms, we were attacked by a group of Slytherins. Regulus wasn't among them, but Snivellus was.

"Faggots!" he jeered. Lupin went scarlet, and I managed to hit Snape with two jinxes before his huge Slytherin cronies stepped in front of him.

"Worked your way through all the girls, so starting on the boys, Black?" Snape sneered under one of his bodyguard's arms. Boils started to rise on his greasy face and he pulled his robes over his head and ran. Good job, my second jinx is starting to take effect…

I heard a high pitched screech and smiled with satisfaction.

We thought that the Slytherins would be the worst problems, but we had not counted on the power of the female race. We were mobbed, to put it lightly. There were at least thirty of them. One of the wildcats pointed their wand at us.

"Stupefy!"

Remus crashed to the floor behind me.

"You stupid little bitches!" I said angrily, unable to get to my wand due to the four girls who were tying my arms behind my back.

"What the hell? What the... mmph mmphhh…"

One of them had shoved a gag in my mouth. Cheering, they lifted me in their air and carried me on their shoulders. I struggled wildly, attempting to kick some of them. Some of them were carrying Remus. They carried us up what seemed like endless flights of stairs. Where were all the teachers??? Oh. In lessons. Duh. I looked around. Where were we? I recognised an awful tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, and realised we must be on the seventh floor. Oh god, they were taking us to the Room of Requirement! What the fuck was going on?


	19. Torture and Regulus

The scheming psycho bitches carried us into the room. They dumped Remus onto the floor, and set me down on a couch. One of the girls pulled out my gag.

"What the fuck do you fucking cows think you are fucking doing?" I yelled, straining against my bonds. A short curvy brunette put her finger to her lips, smiling cheekily.

"We are here to prove that you are into girls. Not boys."

"You WHAT??"

"Just sit back and enjoy the ride…."

She produced a thick band which she fitted around my wrist.

"What the hell is that thing??"

"Pulse meter. Measures your heart rate. It appeared with the room… along with these…"

My eyes widened.

"No way… that's just sick…"

"Read the porno Sirius."

"You people make me sick!! Untie Remus!"

"Read it!!"

I gulped, and picked up the magazine. It was full of the kind of pictures James might find appealing; girls in next to nothing. Disgusting. The brunette looked disappointed at my lack of manly lust for the magazines, but announced cheerfully to begin Level 2.

The demons eventually released us after extensive research, including a girl in a bunny costume and fishnet tights. (Mentally pukes.) They managed to conclude that yes, I am indeed into Remus and not them. However, something tells me they will be back. Yuck, what vile creatures they are. I never knew girls were so evil!! Maybe I could wind James up and say that Lily was one of them…

Remus, who had been enjoying a refreshing nap, blissfully unaware of the torture I had been undergoing, was now un-stunned, on the loose, and was helping me stumble along.

"It was awful…" I groaned. "They had whips, Remus, whips…"

"Poor baby…"

"Yeah… there's only one person I would want cavorting around in Spandex whipping me… and he's right next to me."

Remus gave me one of his trademark amused looks.

"What, Snape??"

I spun around. Sure enough, there was Snape, looking disappointingly normal coloured.

"Your little brother is looking for you," he sneered. Damn it.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Been a _naughty _boy Black?"

"Piss off Snivelly. I'm not afraid of my little bratty brother."

He pissed off. Regulus strode up, smirking all over his face.

"So this is him? The half-blood guy you're shagging?"

"What do you want??? And I am not shagging him, you moron."

"To talk to my dear brother of course."

I eyed him suspiciously.

"Why…? What's your problem now?"

"Well I think you will agree that mother and father will not enjoy this further kick to the head if I happened to tell them. Imagine what they could do to you and your little boy toy."

"And…"

"And I am sure we can strike some sort of deal. So that I don't accidentally let your dirty secret slip."

I nodded reluctantly.

"What exactly do you have in mind?"

"Let's just say I have a small job I need assistance with… I'm sure you and your little friend will be able to help me out."


	20. What's with Regulus?

"What kind of job?" I asked warily. He smirked evilly. Remus looked worried. He was biting his lip so hard that a small trickle of blood ran down his chin. I dabbed it away with the cuff of my robes.

"Oh this and that… I just need an alibi while I leave school for a few hours."

I stared at him.

"What the hell?? You'll never get out of school. For one thing, you aren't even allowed out to Hogsmeade for Chrissake, you are way too young."

My brother scowled.

"I'm not a little kid! Anyway, I won't be alone. But I think somebody is onto me, you have to back me up."

"And what exactly would you be doing out of school?"

"None of your business, wiseass. We need an alibi and you need to keep this thing of yours a secret from mother dearest. Are you in or out?"

I looked at Remus, who looked helpless. On one hand, I desperately didn't want mother to find out about Remus. But what was it that Regulus was planning to do outside of school? Something illegal no doubt. I wasn't too happy about either of the scenarios. What should I do…?

"Okay…we're in." I said finally." When?"

"In a few weeks. I have to sort out a few minor details…"

"Yeah well, take your time."

"See you soon, brother of mine."

"I look forward to it… not."

"Sirius, I don't like this." Remus told me.

"Me neither, but what can we do?"

"Tell a teacher! Report them!"

"If my mother found out about you and me, I would **never** be allowed back to Hogwarts! This is my home! I would **never** see my friends again… I would **never** see **you** again. I would be locked away from the world, being tormented… probably they would try and convert me to their way of thinking. Try to make me be like them."

Remus fell silent.

"I couldn't have that…"

"Exactly."

"Would your brother really tell?"

"Remus, he is just like my parents. He wants me to be a prejudiced Slytherin like him. He doesn't have a heart. He doesn't give a flying fuck about me."

"Well, we have to find out what he is up to then."

"Agreed."

But how? He was in a different house, a different year and we had hardly any time for tailing my snotty little brother. We barely ever saw him normally, and when we were purposely seeking him out, he seemed to be never around. We had managed to borrow James's cloak, promising we would return it in one piece. James knew we were looking for Regulus, but we hadn't told him exactly why.

One day when we were in the library finishing our homework, we saw my brother lurking behind a book case, cautiously checking around him. I pulled out the cloak, and threw it over us. We sneaked up behind him and followed as he flicked through the books on the shelves. The books were just ordinary Potions text books; he didn't seem to be looking for any book in particular.

"Is he waiting for somebody?" Remus whispered. I shrugged. But Regulus returned to the Slytherin common room after a few minutes, which we could not enter.

"This is pointless." I grumbled.

"It's impossible," Remus agreed. We pulled off the cloak and retreated to the Gryffindor common room.

"Maybe Regulus will tell us what's going on?"

"Doubt it."

Remus frowned in concentration. I kissed his nose, and he smiled distractedly.

"You know, I can't think why he would want to leave the school. They must be meeting somebody who isn't a student,"

"We could follow him when he leaves school."

Remus looked horrified at the very idea.

"If we were caught we would be expelled as well! Maybe even arrested and sent to Azkaban depending on exactly what Regulus is doing. Then we'd be in so much trouble and everybody would hate us and think we were evil… and…"

"Okay okay… calm down!"

"We'll have to just not know…"

But the not knowing was the worst thing. Whatever we were getting ourselves into, we wouldn't know. Would we ever find out? Regulus told us that the job was done, a few weeks later, and told us what we were to say if we were bothered by a teacher, but he gave no clue to what he had been doing.


	21. Release the Animal

I was not entirely sure that Regulus would keep his side of the bargain, but I didn't get any threatening mail from home, so I suppose he must be doing. It's nearly the end of another year now, and Remus is going to James's with me this time around!! So is Peter. But it's Remus!!! My Remus!! Nearly the whole summer with my own Remus. Who is mine. All mine.

I did have to go to Grim Old Place, but only for a day. One long painful day. And now… freedom!!! With my friends! Time to mess around and have fun and be with Remus! I am young and liberated and ready for action, and I am gonna have fun this summer. The boys are back in town! The boys are back in tooown! Guess who just got back today? Them wild-eyed boys that had been away. Haven't changed, haven't much to say. But man, I still think them cats are crazy. The boys are back in town!! The boys are back in tooown!!

I was still running around, bouncing off the walls when Remus came in.

"What's got you in such a good mood?"

"I don't know!"

"Well I came to tell you that I just finished the Potion. Are you ready to become an animal?"

"Whee!" I squealed, whirling my boyfriend around and around. The Animagus Potion is finished! Big yays!! More time with Remus!! We get to go and see the Shrieking Shack, and keep poor little Remus company.

He laughed and smiled at me. We ran to find James and Peter, who were sitting out in James's front garden.

"Hey!" I grinned, flopping down in the grass and pulling Remus down beside me.

"Hey," the others answered.

"So what are we gonna do today?" James asked.

"We are going to unleash the animal within!" I announced

"Come in to my room and we can try the Potion. It's finally ready." Remus said. We went up to collect the finished flask of the Potion. Remus was about to dish it out, but James stopped him.

"We don't know how big these animals are going to be. Let's go to the basement."

We all trooped down to the huge underground room. There was nothing in it but a huge cracked mirror, and a few chairs. Remus set the Potion on one of these, and ladled it out into three beakers. We each pulled out a strand of our hair, and dropped it into our beaker. Then we lifted our beakers and clinked them together.

"Cheers!"

We drank deeply. The Potion was as cold as ice, but warm at the same time. It tasted of Acid Pops and grass and Butterbeer. And another taste that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"_Verto Mihi_!" we chorused, setting our empty mugs down on a chair. At first, nothing happened. Then a rush came over my body, and I felt myself changing, black hair was spreading up my arms. I looked at my friends. James was tossing his head back, and pawing at the ground with a hoof. He was a stag. Peter meanwhile, was a rat. I felt sorry for him. But I still didn't know what animal I was. I had paws, four legs and a tail. I looked into the cracked mirror, and a huge black dog peered out. Whoah! I gambolled around, testing my new agility and speed. Remus laughed, petting me on the head. I wagged my tail. This was so cool! James was rearing onto his back legs, snorting happily and cantering in a circle. Peter didn't seem to mind being a rat. I think he was just glad that he had managed to pull off the incantation. He scurried around the room, investigating little corners and crevices.

"This is surreal!" I laughed, as I changed back into a person. "I'm a dog. That's such a cool animal!"

"You are kind of dog like." Remus mused. "You kind of bark like one when you laugh, and your name means black dog. And you're as loyal as a dog."

"Yeah but where the hell do they get stag from?" asked James, transforming in a heap on the floor. Remus grinned.

"Well, you know stags are very proud and all that."

"You calling me conceited?"

"Not at all."

"I love my animal!" I declared. "I even walk in a cool way. My paws have these little pads on them, and I can sort of bound when I walk."

"Yeah yeah Padfoot." James laughed. I laughed as well.

"You know, that's quite a cool name. You could be Prongs, because of your antlers."

"Remus?"

"How about Gorgeous?"

"Ha ha. How about Moony?"

"Nice one Prongs. And Peter?"

We looked at Peter, who was still scurrying around in the dirt. He transformed back, panting.

"Wow that is so cool!"

"Wormtail." I said, grinning.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, the Marauders." James laughed. "The beginning of a new era."


	22. Burn Out

The start of a new era? Well something like that. We were still the popular group, the cleverest group… and it still felt damn good. Well, the attention wasn't that good, it got really annoying, but it was great to have people that liked and respected you. It wasn't just the Gryffindors, and it wasn't just the girls. Now I had "come out," I had quite a group of male admirers. Remus is very cute when he pretends not to be jealous! I and James quite enjoy dodging behind tapestries and hiding from them, it's quite fun. Remus has been made a Prefect. Predictably, I and James haven't. Well, I never wanted to be a Prefect anyway.

James has still got nowhere with Lily. She insists that he is too immature, too arrogant. He doesn't show any of it to her, and tries to keep it from us, but each cruel word from her strikes him like a dagger to the heart. He acts cocky and proud, because that is the James that most girls go wild for. But not Lily.

It is now time to join Remus in the Shrieking Shack for the first time. Madam Pomfrey took him down, and she is now coming back up to the castle. We snuck across the silent grounds to the Whomping Willow, but what were we meant to do to get close enough to the secret passageway in its roots? Remus had told us that there was a secret knot that you had to press to freeze the tree. Where was it?

"_Lumos_!" I muttered. I held my illuminated wand aloft and eventually located the knot on the trunk. I pointed it out to the others. Peter nodded, and transformed into Wormtail. He darted among the thrashing branches, and pressed the knot. The tree froze, and we quickly followed Peter down the tunnel before the tree regained its movement.

We transformed in case Remus had already turned into his wolfie alter ego, and hurried down the passageway. We found Remus sitting by himself at a broken desk, still human. He smiled at us, and we kept him company all night long. Werewolves aren't as scary as I had thought. Remus mainly just howled and slept. Quite endearing really.

After the original buzz had worn off, it became quite boring trekking down to the Shack each month. I didn't mind, but James and Peter were becoming restless. Then James suggested that we go around Hogsmeade.

"What if I bite somebody?" Remus asked.

"Who will be walking around the village at midnight? Anyway, we can keep you away from people."

"I don't know…"

"Oh come on Remus! The risk will make it fun!"

Remus is so far holding out, but we are trying to persuade him. Sometimes I and Remus visited the Shrieking Shack alone when it wasn't that time of the month, just to talk. I.e. make out. Well, why not? It was private, it was quiet, it was peaceful, no crazed teenyboppers in sight… the perfect trysting place. It was so calm, looking out at the moon through one of the broken windows.

This was the life. We were even winning the Quidditch! What could spoil the happy mood? Not even Snape, who had been trying to find out where Remus went every month. In fact, that was quite funny as well. Amusing to throw Snape off with all sorts of stories to see if he'd swallow them. Stupid slimy old Snivellus. He deserved whatever he got. There was a new spell going around school, _Levicorpus. _James seems to like using it on Snape when his back is turned. It's hilarious to see Snape being hoisted into the air by one ankle. Well, not if Lily sees you, as James found out to his cost, the day we did our DADA OWL. Another good spell to use is one that turns his hair blonde. Believe me; Snivellus Snape with blonde hair is like Dumbledore in a bikini. Wrong on so many levels.

A good year, this one. Fun, risky, and crazy. We know the whole school inside out, and it is entertaining just to hide in a secret passageway, firing Dung Bombs at passers by. We are the kings of the hill, top of the heap, number one. We are the champions! And I can't wait until the next year! I'll be sixteen then. Sweet sixteen, gonna spread my wings, and shining and discovering more to life and all that jazz.

Well, that was until I got home. It turned out that my disgusting snake of a brother had gone against his word and told them about Remus anyway.


	23. I gotta runaway

SDB started yelling at me as soon as I came in the front door. We had a blazing row that went on for hours. She insulted me in ways I didn't think were possible. I told her to shove it. I threw a hex at my scheming little brother. I walked out of the door, pulling my trunk and broomstick behind me.

"Don't you turn your back on me you ungrateful little swine! Bringing dishonour and shame to my family! Go on then! Get out! Never come back! You are no son of mine! Besmirching the house of my fath…"

"_Silencio_!" I yelled, pointing my wand at her. Then I ran.

I walked for what seems like an age, still shaking with fury. That little bastard Regulus! I should have known that I could never trust his word. Now I was homeless, with nowhere to go. I didn't have enough money to stay at the Leaky Cauldron. Unless… Mr and Mrs Potter had told me that I was always welcome at their house. But does always mean forever?

Well, there was nothing else for it. I would see if they would give me a bed for the night, and if I have to find somewhere else tomorrow, so be it. They wouldn't turn me down, surely? I had stayed at their house for the holidays before, this wouldn't be much different. But how could I get there? I had a little gold in my pocket, 2 Galleons or so, not much, but I suppose I could buy a little Floo Powder from Diagon Alley and find a fire…

I sat down on the kerb to think. A large double-decker muggle bus rolled past. If only I had some muggle money, then I could catch the muggle bus to James's house. If only wizards had buses… wait a minute! Didn't James mention some sort of crazy wizard bus? Called… what was it now? The Knight Bus. That was it. But how did I get it? Feeling foolish, I walked to a muggle bus stop. I sat down in the shelter to wait. I sat there in the dark for at least half an hour. What if the bus never came? I could go with my first plan…was it raining? I stuck out my hand to feel for drops. BANG!!! A huge purple bus erupted from the darkness. It was here!

I scrambled to my feet. A pimply youth in a violet uniform helped me lug my trunk up the stairs.

"Elliot Shunpike." he said by way of an introduction shaking my hand.

"Sirius Black," I answered. He showed me to a bed and I gave him James's address and bus fare of 11 sickles. I thought about what I was going to say. Hey Mrs Potter, I ran away from home, can I live here instead?? It didn't have quite the right sound to it.

Elliot kept trying to talk to me, but I didn't feel like talking. I pretended to be asleep, which was kind of impossible in the jerking swaying bus that seemed to jump from town to town in seconds. The bus seemed quite full, so even though James was probably the closest location to where we were, we ended up going all over the country. In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw the Statue of Liberty out of the bus window at one point.

Eventually, it was my stop. I got off, thanking Elliot and the bus driver Ernie, and made my way to the Potters' front door. I swallowed nervously. I knew what my mother would do to one of my friends if they turned up on her doorstep at three o'clock in the morning. It wasn't nice. But Mr and Mrs Potter weren't my parents.

I knocked twice, and waited. I heard footsteps and held my breath. Mrs Potter opened it, blinking sleepily, wearing a pink quilted dressing gown and slippers.

"Sirius!" she exclaimed when she saw me. "What happened?"

I looked at her, and burst into tears.


	24. Finding Comfort

James's mum passed me another tissue, and a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

"Thanks." I said.

"So why don't you tell me what happened?" she suggested gently. I nodded, looking down into my mug, and starting to explain. I left out the bit about me and Remus, but told her all about my mum, and the rest of my estranged family. She tutted and sighed sympathetically whenever I took a breath. When I had finished, she gave me a hug and told me to stay as long as I wanted. I was overjoyed, I was no longer homeless. I smiled weakly at her, and yawned. She laughed, and suggested I went to bed. I nodded, and made my way to my room.

The next morning, I woke up with a start to find James shaking me.

"Mum just told me you were here!" he said excitedly. I looked at him sleepily.

"Yeah, got here this morning."

I closed my eyes. I felt like shit. I had been disowned by my family and had no money. I had a place to live but I couldn't depend on James's parents to feed me and pay for my school things…

I felt hot tears splash down my cheeks. James looked panicky. He isn't the most helpful guy when it comes to emotions. I rubbed my eyes furiously, but that just made me cry even more. James patted my back awkwardly, and I clung onto him, sobbing like a little child. James was saying something, but I wasn't really listening to him. I cried my heart out for ages, finally letting out all the emotions I had been keeping in. James said he was going to get something. I didn't hear what. Maybe tissues. Then he dashed off. I lay face down and wept. I don't know how long he was gone, but it was more than an hour. He had deserted me, scarped at the first sign of trouble. Fantastic. Then I heard footsteps, and my door opening quietly. I looked up. James was back, and he had brought Remus with him. I didn't bother asking how. I just let Remus gather me in his arms and hold me while I whimpered into his chest. James watched us uncomfortably, and then went off to "make a cup of tea."

"I'm sorry about this…" I snuffled. "I'm acting stupid…"

He played with my hair soothingly, kissing my eyelids, cheeks and neck. I pulled him to me and kissed him hungrily, pushing him down on the bed. He stroked my face tenderly and I started to unbutton his shirt, nuzzling his chest like a kitten. I pulled off his shirt, rolling on top of him and starting to take my own clothes off. Then I sighed, and moved away from Remus.

"Sorry. Again." I said. He sat up.

"For what?"

"For this." I groaned, gesturing. "You don't have to go along with this because you feel sorry for me. I don't want to take advantage of you."

"I wasn't just succumbing to your advances through pity. I kind of enjoyed it as well."

"Well... if we do, you know, go all the way… I want it to be special. Not just a channel for my feelings because I'm feeling lousy. I want us both to like it."

"It would always be special if it was with you. But…"

"But maybe now isn't the best time," I finished. "We're in James' house. We're only sixteen."

Remus nodded. My body was protesting wildly to what I was saying, demanding that I continued ravishing my boyfriend. I ignored it, and started to get dressed again.

"Another day, another place." I promised. He smiled, pulling me into his lap. I cuddled him closely, and closed my eyes. I don't know how long we lay there, but when I woke up it was dark and Remus was asleep. I kissed his forehead, smiling at his sleeping form. Remus had brought me peace, and I loved him even more than I thought was possible. I was happy and didn't care what happened next as long as I was with Remus.


	25. Inheriting

A few days after I had moved in with James and his family, I got a letter from my uncle. I looked at the envelope in confusion.

"Uncle Alphard never writes to me…" I muttered.

"You think it could be dangerous?" Remus asked anxiously "I've heard about really dodgy hexes and curses sent by mail…"

I shook my head.

"Alphard was always a bit of a black sheep. He disagreed with mother and father constantly; he thought their muggle-bashing wasn't right. He hasn't been completely excommunicated, but he isn't far off. I don't think he would try and hurt me."

I slit the envelope open, and pulled out the letter. I unfolded it, and read:

_Sirius,_

_So, you finally broke free from the clan! Always knew you were a bit of an outsider, a little like me actually. I expect I'll be fully blasted off the Black Family Tree for this, but I couldn't leave a man of my own heart stranded in this day and age without a penny to his name. So I have set up a Gringotts vault for you (the key is enclosed) to get you through your last couple of school years. I would offer you a place to stay, but my lifestyle isn't fit to accommodate a teenager at present. Besides, I heard you were staying with friends._

_In other news, I don't know if you heard, but your cousin Andromeda has become engaged to be married to a muggle, Ted Tonks. I expect she has been removed from the tapestry also. I knew that girl had some good in her! It pains me to say it, but you and young Andromeda are the only relations I can call family. I expect you know about Bellatrix and Narcissa's joint wedding; to lovely pure-blood future Death Eaters I see… not that I should judge._

_Anyhow, have fun with your money and I may meet up with you some day. For now, au revoir!_

_Uncle Alphard_

"He's giving me money!" I said, shocked.

"He… doesn't like your family much does he?" James observed.

"Uncle Alphard takes pride in being as least analogous to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black as is physically possible." I explained.

"Lots of big words in that sentence Sirius," Remus smiled, taking the letter off me to reread. I stuck my tongue out at him. Good old Uncle Alphard! I never suspected he would give me gold for leaving home, he had never shown me much attention before. But in Alphard's eyes, any rebellion against the family is highly commendable.

"I didn't know Bellatrix got married… "James said.

"Oh yeah. To some guy called Lestrange I think."

"And who's Narcissa?"

"Bellatrix's older sister. She married Lucius Malfoy."

"I think I've heard of him…" Remus mused, screwing his nose up in concentration.

"He's a hotshot rich boy with pretty awesome hair but a heart as black as Padfoot." I told him.

"Ah… that's the one."

I laughed, and pulled the tiny key out of the envelope. I slipped it into my pocket, along with Alphard's note.

"I'm a free spirit now!" I smiled "My own man. I'm my man. And Remus is my man's man."

James and Remus laughed.

"Lily is my woman. And I'm my woman's man." James contributed. "I wish."

"Well you aren't having Remus!" I told him severely. "He's mine."

"Now now." James chided. "Sharing makes the world go round."

"Then I'll have Lily." Remus said mildly, his eyes twinkling.

"Never!" James screamed, launching himself at Remus. I pulled Remus out of harms way.

"Steady on, Prongs!" I grinned. He scowled jokingly.

"You keep that man beast away from my Lily!"

"Or what?"

"OR I'LL KICK YOUR WEREWOLF ARSE ALL THE WAY TO…"

"Calm down guys!" I laughed

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try, Prongsy."

James snarled menacingly and tried to grab at Remus again.

"Die Moony, die!" he roared. I stepped in between them, and starting singing some muggle hymn.

"All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all!!"

Moony laughed contemptuously.

"Bring it on stag boy."

"Each little flower that opens, each little bird that sings, he made their glowing colours, he made their tiny wings!!!" I shouted

"Prepare to meet your end!!!!!" James threatened, curling his hand into a fist.

"The purple-headed mountain!!! The river running by!!! The sunset, and the morning that brightens up the sky!!!" I bellowed. Mrs Potter walked in, looked around and then walked out again. We laughed and Remus and Prongs shook hands grinning.

"I wouldn't really take Lily from you… I've got my hands full with this one." Remus said, gesturing at me.

"Whoooooah!" James teased. "Too much infor-may-chee-onnn!"

Remus blushed and I winked at James.

"Well, you know…" I joked.

"You sly dog. Literally." James laughed. "Oh and you _have _to teach me that song you were singing."


	26. Mapping out the future

The next few weeks flew by. In no time at all it was time to go back to Hogwarts. I can't believe it's nearly our last year! Soon we'll be old enough to Apparate, drink alcohol non-illegally, and drive… so many options, so little time. Remus and Peter were the only one who was worried about our exams and all that. Peter admittedly isn't as smart as us, but we'll help him, just like always. We've always got top marks before. It's easy enough.

None of us have really much idea about what to become when we leave school. James doesn't actually need a job as his family are rich enough to set him up for life. Actually, I probably would be able to get by okay as well. Uncle Alphard did give me a lot of gold. But I would like to be an Auror. So would James. Remus said he wouldn't mind being one, but he didn't seem quite as keen. Peter had no idea. He said he wanted to be an Auror too, but I think he was just copying us.

Remus has finally given in to going around Hogsmedade once a month. Personally, I don't see what was stopping him before. As I always say, the risk makes it fun. We've had a couple of near misses, but I and Prongs are big enough to keep Remus from wandering off and biting somebody. These night time escapades mean we are actually learning much more about the school grounds and Hogsmeade as well. We must have discovered six new passageways. I bet we know more about this school than the caretaker! We could make a map of the school… hey actually that's a pretty cool idea! We could do with a new venture, after we finished the Animagus one.

I mentioned my map idea to the others one lunchtime.

"Great idea!" Remus exclaimed, getting all excited. Peter looked worried at the prospect of more work.

"We could call it the Marauder's Map!" James suggested, warming to the idea. "And have all the secret passages etc…"

"That's what I thought!"

"We could charm it so that it keeps a record of everybody on the school and where they are!" Remus said excitedly. "We could make it so that anybody shows up, even if they're invisible or Transfigured in some way, or in Animagus form…"

"We can do that?!"

"Sure, but it'll be difficult…"

"And could we disguise it? So we say an incantation or password to reveal the map? And usually it just looks like a blank parchment?"

"I guess."

"Perfect!"

So…our new mission. This incredible map of the school. First we have to draw bits out. This will take ages. But we know the castle inside out, so at least we don't have to go around taking notes! We have started sending a great deal of time in the library making the map. Lily seemed shocked when she came in and saw us all hard at work.

"Are you guys revising?" she asked. James looked up and hurriedly ran his fingers through his hair.

"No, it's a kind of… personal project." he told her, his voice smooth and pleasant. His "Lily" voice, we call it.

"Oh?" she asked, sounding interested. James looked mollified. He glanced at us.

_Don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her… _I prayed silently.

"Actually we're making a map of the school." he told her.

I and Remus groaned. James looked fiercely in our direction, his eyes still fixed on Lily.

"What kind of map?" she asked

"It's going to show every room in the school, and it'll…"

I pointed my wand at him under the table and thought _Silencio._ James opened and closed his mouth, but no words came out.

"Well, we're pretty busy now, so we'll see you later Evans, see you!! Bye!!" I said, shooing her away.

"Bye everyone, bye James." she said. Remus waved and gestured her out of the door.

James glared at him, and we glared right back.

"What happened to the Marauders Code of Conduct, huh James? What goes in the club stays in the club? You were sworn to secrecy!"

James pointed his wand at himself.

"I thought that we could tell Evans!" he said. "You made me look like an idiot in front of her!"

"You were about to blab our secret! And besides, she said James didn't she? Bye everyone, bye James. That's what she said."

"That's beside the … wait. She did?"

"Yup. She loves you Prongs."

"You think so?" James said dreamily.

"Yeah and as soon as you stop acting like a prat in front of her, I'm sure she'll tell you herself."

"I do not act like a prat!"

"No, we don't think you do. But you do tend to show off when she's around."

"I guess… I just wanted to impress her."

"Well I think you would make better headway just being yourself." Remus told him.

"I'll try." James promised. "I would do anything for her."

"Well no more spilling our secrets to her. Or else." I threatened. I put my hand out to James and we did the secret Marauders handshake.

"Now let us make this map!" James proposed.

"Hear hear!"


	27. Fight!

We have now managed to mark out the whole school on the map. Yes, it took a long long time. And now we are working on the making the map have the moving people on it! I think there's a special name for it but I don't remember right now. We are also taking Apparation lessons. Can't wait to be able to Apparate! Although personally I prefer flying. Apparation is very uncomfortable. Regulus is still strutting around with his little gang. He told me that mother burnt all the things I didn't take with me. I told him it's a pity she didn't ignite herself in the process.

We decided that to reveal the map, you tap it with your wand and say

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Then to wipe the map, say

"Mischief managed."

Easy! We have also put a few amusing things in for those who try and break into the map; insults and so on. We managed to work it so that the map recognises the person, and insults them accordingly. We have signed the map with our nicknames; Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.

"Let me try!" I clamoured, pointing my wand at the finished map.

"I, Sirius Black, command you to reveal yourself."

Black writing appeared on the parchment.

"Mr Moony would like to take this opportunity to express his shock that a smartass like Sirius Black forgot how to work his own map.

Mr Prongs greets Sirius, and wonders if a Confundus Charm has been cast upon him to allow him to act in such a dim-witted manner.

Mr Padfoot is taken aback that someone as intellectually advanced as Sirius would forget such a simple incantation.

Mr Wormtail compliments Sirius on managing to learn how to point his wand at the map; he is obviously not intelligent enough to do the rest."

I laughed in delight.

"It's great!"

"Yeah, and imagine if a teacher was to try to get into it!" sighed James, staring proudly down at the map. Remus sniggered, rolling the map up and tucking it into his robes.

"We are pure brilliance," I told the others, smiling. James nodded zealously, and Remus and Peter laughed.

Snape was still being extremely nosy about where Moony disappeared to every month. I detest Severus Snape more than anybody else in the world. If he becomes a Death Eater and I become an Auror, I shall take great pleasure in destroying him.

_Snape stood on a dark cliff, black robes billowing in the breeze. _

"_So…" he sneered "You came. Foolish, as I have many Death Eaters just waiting to Avada you to smithereens."_

_I laughed, pointing my wand at his heart._

"_Yes, I met your Death Eaters coming up the hill. Don't worry; they should be out of hospital in a few months. As for you…"_

_A flicker of fear passed across Snape's sallow face._

"_You wouldn't kill me, would you? You're the greatest Auror in the country; surely you could find it in your heart not to hurt me."_

_I looked at him contemptuously. _

"_You should have thought that before, shouldn't you?" I said coldly, raising my wand._

"_Please!" he screamed "Don't hurt me!" _

_I pointing my wand at him and…_

"Sirius? Hello?"

"Earth to Padfoot??"

I blinked at my friends.

"Sorry, I was in my own world there."

"You should have stayed there," Snape called. Speak of the devil.

"Could you repeat that for the class, Snivelly?" I replied. We were outside, sitting under our favourite tree. Snape was slouched against an oak a few yards away with some other whiny Slytherins.

"Yeah get lost Snape," James growled. Snape looked at him down his long, beak like nose.

"Only attack in packs, right? I suppose that's how bullies work."

"You can talk!" James yelled, striding towards Snape. I put up my hand to stop him.

"I'll take him." I muttered. I stood up, and faced Snape. He pulled out his wand.

"Feeling lucky, Black?"

"Bring it on!"

He threw a hex at me, and I blocked it. I sent a few stunning spells at him, which he managed to deflect. I fired a spell that knocked him off his feet and he retaliated with one that sent me into a tree. I heard groans behind me. We had attracted quite a crowd. I rolled over, and stood up. Then I hit Snape with a trip jinx that sent him sprawling on the ground. I threw my head back and laughed, more for his benefit than mine. He scrambled to his feet, and muttered something under his breath, slashing his wand. I dodged to the side, and his spell just hit me in the side of the face, knocking me off balance. I tasted blood, and several people screamed. I felt blood run down my cheek from a gash Snape had just made. People in the crowd were holding back James and Remus, who looked murderous.

"Right, Snivelly you've asked for it this time!" I bellowed, flicking hexes at him. He was thrown onto his back, boils springing up on his face. I ducked as he sent a stunning spell at me, and I sent a disarming spell at him just as he sent one at me. Both our wands went flying. I looked at him, and we both dived to retrieve them. I punched Snape in the stomach, and he smacked me in the side of the head. I kicked at him as he reached for his wand, and he clawed at my face viciously. I elbowed him in the face, and he kicked me in the ribs, hard. I fell back, groaning, but then seized a handful of his greasy hair and socked him in the nose as hard as I could. He yowled like an animal, and seized my wrist, twisting it round as far as it would go. I yelled as I felt it crack, and pulled away, smacking Snape around the face. I put my knee on his throat, and pressed down. He gasped and spluttered, groping on the floor for his wand, which was only a few metres away. I reached out, and snatched my own wand up, just as he grabbed his. He flicked his wand again, using the same curse he had used before. I jumped back quickly, but not quick enough. The spell slashed my chest, drawing more blood. I could hear Remus and James's furious yells from the crowd.

"What is that spell?" I muttered. His black eyes glittered.

"Just a little spell I invented. Like it, Black?"

"You invented it?! You evil little…" I pointed my wand, firing a Stinging Jinx at him. He shrieked, clutching his face, and I sent a thick rope out of my wand, binding him up in it.

"You think you're so smart, Snivellus, but you still haven't figured out where Remus goes each month, even though it's right under your nose." I hissed

Snape's eyes widened, and I continued.

"Maybe if you toddled on down to the Whomping Willow tonight, you might find out."

"Ha ha Black. I'm not that stupid."

"Oh you think so? Then you have discovered how you can freeze the tree by poking a knot half way up, then? And following the secret passageway under the tree? No, I thought not."

He managed to sever the ropes with his wand, and raised his wand again, but this time I deflected the curse, and used the full body bind on him. As his limbs snapped to his sides, and he lay rigid on the ground, I felt the ground fall away. I looked down at my blood stained robes and crumpled into a heap.


	28. Bloody tears

I woke up in the hospital wing, wrapped in bandages. Remus wasn't there, but James was.

"You're finally awake!" he grinned. "I don't know what Snape used on you, but it was bloody nasty."

"Yeah… where is he?"

"He was in the hospital wing for a while, but his injuries weren't as complex. He was patched up and sent on his way a little while ago."

"What?! And where's Remus?"

"In the Shack."

I lay back on my pillow, my heart beating very fast.

"James… I've done something really stupid. When I was about to pass out, I think I let slip how to get through the Willow. Snape's going to get killed!"

"What?!"

"I've got to go and stop him!" I said, trying to pull myself out of bed.

"Don't be stupid," James snapped "You can't move in this state. I'll go."

"But if you get hurt too it'll be my fault!"

"I can't help that. You can't go. I have to."

"But James!"

"I've got to go, we're wasting time."

He ran out of the hospital wing to find Snape. I covered my face with my hands, moaning. What had I done? If Snape was killed, I would be a murderer. But worse, so would Remus. It would be my entire fault. And what about James? The boy I loved like a brother? He was putting himself in danger because of my foolish actions. I drew the covers over my head, and refused to talk to the nurse or take my medicine. That night I lay in the darkness, falling deeper and deeper into pain until I didn't know what would bring me back.

The next morning, I heard Madam Pomfrey talking to somebody.

"See if you can get him to take his medicine, he just won't listen to me. His wounds won't heal unless he takes it."

I looked up, my face streaked with tears and blood. Madam Pomfrey shrieked, and ran over; trying to reapply the dressing I had torn off, back around my face. I shook her off.

"See what I mean?" she said desperately.

Remus strode over, and sat on my bed. James followed.

"It's not your fault," Remus said gently. "You didn't mean it. Snape is fine. We're all fine."

"You mean it?"

"James reached Snape just in time. Dumbledore swore Snape to secrecy. It's all okay."

I breathed a low sigh of relief, and let Remus bathe my face and feed me my medicine. I nuzzled into his chest and he stroked my hair comfortingly. James looked uncomfortable, and started talking about our upcoming Apparation exam. Remus broke up a piece of chocolate and insisted I eat some. Remus and his chocolate… in Remus's world, chocolate makes everything better. But in my eyes, it is Remus that makes everything better. Remus is my chocolate. He fills my world with goodness, with light. He is my anti drug, the only one who can save me. He is my guardian angel.


	29. Developing

We passed our Apparation test with distinction and then it was time for the holidays. I went straight to the Potter's house for the first time. This was the final holidays, our final year. Soon to be students no more.

Our Hogwarts letters arrived with book lists and proposals. I had already decided I wanted to be an Auror, so that was all right. That was why I had been taking all the subjects necessary to do Auror training.

I scanned the letter, and shoved it in the pocket of my black jacket. I looked over at James, who looked as if he was about to faint.

"No…way…." he whispered. "No… freaking… way."

"What is it?" I asked. He held his palm out to me. Nestled on it was a shiny… Head Boy badge.

"You? Head boy?" I asked. Then I burst out laughing. James went bright red.

"It isn't funny!"

"Yes it is!" I choked "What weed were they smoking when they decided to make James Potter Head Boy??"

"I don't know… are they mad?"

"Seems like it! You aren't going to go all mature and boring now are you?"

"Not on your life!

"And you're already Quidditch captain! So unfair!"

"I get a whole tower to myself..." James smiled languorously, stroking the gleaming badge.

"Well, not exactly. You have to share it with the Head Girl."

"Oh yeah."

James's hazel eyes suddenly widened, and he clutched my arm.

"Padfoot, you don't think, you don't think Lily is Head Girl?"

It was a lonely beginning to the last journey to Hogwarts, with Remus in the Prefect carriage and James in the Head Boy's. Peter is okay, and a good friend, but he doesn't have the same personality as the others. James and Remus came back just after the food trolley had left.

"I'm starving," Remus announced, grabbing a cauldron cake off the pile. He then looked pointedly at me.

"Can I sit down please?" he asked. I was lying across the seats at one side, and James, Peter, and the huge pile of food were taking up the others. I put my finger to my lips and pointed at James, who looked as he was about to burst.

"Lily's Head Girl!!" he said excitedly. "She's Head Girl and I'm Head Boy and we are going to share a tower and everything! And we were talking in the carriage, and we had a really good conversation, and she called me James every time, and didn't call me Potter!"

"Good for you!" I exclaimed. Remus started tickling me. I squirmed and giggled.

"What are you doing?!" I gasped, laughing uncontrollably.

"Trying to get you to move so I can sit down!" he said grimly.

"Okay okay!" I panted. I let Remus sit down, and then draped my legs over his thighs.

"There! Now everybody is happy!"

He sighed and rolled his eyes theatrically, but I could tell he didn't mind. James threw me a Chocolate Frog, and I put the whole thing in my mouth, chewed once, and swallowed. Remus stroked my legs casually as I bit into a pumpkin pasty. I wriggled in his lap like a cat, enjoying his touch. He looked down at me.

"Don't eat on your back, you'll choke." he told me. I sat up, still in his lap, and finished off the pasty. James and Peter were swapping trading cards. Then there was a knock on the compartment door, and Lily came in. She smiled at us abstractedly and asked if she could talk to James. James swallowed, and followed her out of the compartment. I could see he had his fingers crossed. I and Remus looked at each other.

"This is it?"

"I think so!"

"This is what?" Peter demanded, looking at us. We laughed.

"You'll see, Peter, you'll see."

"What?"

James bounded back in, smiling all over his face.

"I'm going out with Lily!!" he squealed, hugging each of us. I clapped him on the back.

"Congratulations!" I grinned. Peter looked confused.

"But I thought she hated you?" he said, perplexed. We all laughed.

"You have a lot to learn, young Peter-wan."

"Yeah, I guess that's why you all have girlfriends except for me."

"Ahem?" Remus snorted, looking indignant. I dissolved into laughter, and Peter said quickly

"I mean, you all have love. Except me."

"Yeah, you used to fancy Anna Shahid from Ravenclaw, didn't you?"

Peter went scarlet.

"How do... how you know that?" he spluttered.

"My dear Peter, you really did make it obvious."

"Oh."

Peter slumped in his seat, looking dejected.

"But Anna's going out with that blonde guy from Gryffindor now, so…"

"Blonde guy?" James spluttered. "We've been in his classes for the past seven years, you moron!"

"Peter," I said, shaking my head "You need our help."


	30. Foiled again

Since Peter's old love Anna was taken, he seemed to have set his sights on another girl called Decorah. Thanks to his wonderful friends, he got himself a date set up, and went off beaming like the sun.

"Our little Peter's growing up," I said, wiping a pretend tear from my eye. Lily, James, Remus and I were in the common room. James was teaching Lily chess, and Remus was doing some revision. We have our NEWTs at the end of this year, and Remus is really beating himself up about it. He doesn't accept that he is smart enough to get good grades without trying. But I guess he wants to make sure.

Peter came back in through the portrait hole. Remus put down his text books and Lily and James managed to tear themselves away from each other to look up.

"So… how'd it go?" I asked. He shrugged, smiling broadly and went upstairs to change. James gave me and Remus high-fives, and then went back to his game. Lily isn't very good at chess, but James seems to be letting her win. Such a softie at heart, our Prongsy.

Snape seems to be keeping out of our way since the incident last year, and that suits us fine. He's been revising a lot as well lately, so that keeps him away. Everybody seems to be stressing out about these exams. James says he doesn't mind what grades he gets. I guess that in the end it doesn't matter too much for him. After all, his parents have enough money to give him whatever he wants, with or without a job of his own. But he'll get good grades anyway, as always. I get quite good marks, so I'm not worried either. I am doing a little revision, mainly with Remus. But I get bored after the first few pages of notes and go off to play Quidditch or something.

Peter is very, very worried about his grades. We help him as much as possible with revising, but it just doesn't seem to sink in. It's quite infuriating really, as I'm a naturally impatient person. Remus, however, can sit there for hours, patiently going over each tiny detail until Peter understands. Remus would make a great teacher. He's so calm and kind and understanding, I can just imagine him up in front of a class with on of those pointer thingies.

"Pointer thingies?!" he snorted, reading my diary over my shoulder. I snapped it shut, blushing.

"Yeah, you know those pointer thingies that you point at notes on a blackboard with."

I mimed tapping a board with my wand.

"How much did you read?" I asked, trying to sound casual, stowing my diary in my robes.

"Just the bit about Peter… and me…" Remus said softly. "I didn't know you were watching me so closely… you know me better than I know myself, Sirius. Thank you."

He slid his arms onto my shoulders and around my neck, stroking my face and torso. I closed my eyes and rubbed my head against his arms. He walked around the front of my chair and swung his legs over mine. He sat in my lap, and I grabbed the front of his robes and pulled him to me. I kissed him passionately, and he pressed into me, moaning gently as I stroked his upper body. My heart was beating a hundred miles a minute and there were butterflies flipping around in my stomach. I growled like a dog, feeding from his kisses and touches all over my body. My fingers skidded over his shirt, pulling off his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

Then suddenly a door creaked behind us. I pushed Remus off me, just in time. James and Lily came through the door hand in hand, laughing. Remus quickly looped his tie back around his neck, but James wasn't an idiot. He saw our flushed faces and rumpled clothes, and put two and two together.

"Um… I suggest you two try somewhere a bit more private." he told us, eyes twinkling.

"It was kind of a spur of moment thing," I said ruefully. I caught Remus's eye. We both knew what would have happened if James and Lily hadn't come in. We both longed it had.

"Curses, foiled again," I whispered to Remus, as more people began to come in.


	31. Parties and Goodbyes

This is it, the moment of truth. Time to do my NEWTs! I picked up my quill for the DADA theory, and began.

The next few days dragged on. Exams, practicals, people fainting and breaking down all over the place; pure unadulterated bedlam. But I think I did okay. Remus seems happy, and James of course doesn't seem to care. Peter was walking around like a zombie for the past few days, sweat dripping down his forehead as he muttered to himself. We are all much happier now the exams are a mere memory, fading away on the horizon.

The weather is hot, and the mood is hotter! Now the exams are finally finito, we seem to be having a party every single night. James and Lily seem to be spending less time in their tower and more with us and we are just all having a blast, basically. Ten more days until school is out; forever and ever and ever… and then we'll be free! Well, we'll have jobs. But we'll get paid, a definite bonus!

On the last day of term, we held a huge party in the Room of Requirement and even had a live band! Me and James sneaked down to the kitchens and nicked loads of food and drink for everybody. People were dancing, hugging and having fun, and we counted down to midnight like a new year's party. When the clock struck twelve, James kissed Lily, I kissed Remus… people were kissing everywhere. I certainly felt the love in the room!

Then we started going crazy. James leapt up onto a table, and sang

"Everybody was kung-fu fighting! Those cats were fast as lightning! In fact it was a little bit frightening! But they fought with expert timing! Everybody was Kung Fu FIGHTING!"

People laughed and clapped. I jumped up beside him, and hollered

"It's just a jump to the left! And then a step to the right! With your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight, but it's the pelvic thrrrrrust that really drives you insane! Let's do the Time Warp again!! Dance to Time Warp, yeah!!"

Everybody was boogying away, dancing to the Time Warp. I grabbed Remus by the arm and pulled him onto the table too.

"Let's dance," I said with a roguish wink. We danced. And we danced. We danced all night and in the morning we were still most of us on the Room of Requirement, fast asleep.

We raced around, shoving belongings in trunks and rounding up lost quills and bottles of ink. It was a miracle we would all get out on time! But we did, and we all piled onto the train for the last time. Some of the girls were crying as the castle disappeared into the distance, and I felt tears springing in my own eyes, and a lump rising in my throat.

"Bye Hogwarts!" I called, leaning out of the window and feeling the wind whip my hair. I had a feeling I would see the castle again some day. Maybe not soon. But some day.


	32. A new home

The next few months were filled with fun, Quidditch games, and basically enjoying our new freedom. I knew I would have to get a job soon, but not yet. I was also making plans to move out of the Potter's. They had said that I was always welcome, but I wanted more independence. Anyway, James was planning to move out soon anyway. The Potter's thought of me as a second son, but I didn't want to spend more time with them than their own son.

A strange thing about not being at Hogwarts is Remus. After so long sleeping in the same dormitory, spending so much time together, it's weird only seeing him on weekends, going on dates or him coming to visit for a day or two. That's another reason why I want a place of my own; he could stay for as long as he wanted. For eternity, at least. So one day I went down to the estate agent, and put an offer in for a nice little house. James had recently decided to buy a house in Godric's Hollow, so I decided to buy mine quite close by.

James and I moved house on the same day. It was a balmy day in September, a year or two after leaving Hogwarts. Mrs Potter cried as we waved and Apparated to our new homes. I don't like Apparating, but we couldn't exactly fly all our stuff to Godric's Hollow! I had bought some furniture, nothing too fancy, just a big bed, couches, tables, that sort of thing. After I had unpacked my things, I jumped up on the bed and bounced up and down. Who said that being 19 had to be boring? Growing older is mandatory, but growing up? Not necessary!

I stepped out onto the porch and looked across the road. James waved at me through his living room window. He came out into the garden and grinned at me.

"Howdy neighbour!" he called.

"Howdy yourself!" I laughed. Suddenly a loud crack made us both jump. It was my cousin Andromeda.

"Hey," I said. "Come to see my new house?"

She shook her head. I noticed she was leading a small girl by the hand.

"You didn't say you'd had a baby!" I gasped, looking at the kid. Now I'm not a big fan of little children, but she was quite cute. She nodded.

"Nymphadora," she said proudly. I almost burst out laughing. What kind of name was Nymphadora??

"She's a Metamorphmagus!" Andromeda told me, smugly. Metamorphmagi are very rare. I always used to wish I was one; you could mimic somebody without Polyjuice potion!

"Is she what you came to see me about?" I asked, ruffling the kid's hair. Andromeda bit her lip.

"No, it's Regulus. He's joined the Death Eaters."

"What??"

"It's true. I heard it from your parents themselves. They seemed quite proud, to tell you the truth."

"They would be," I spat.

"That's another one of the family," my cousin sighed wearily. "Bella, her husband, Narcissa and hers, now Regulus…"

"They aren't part of my family anymore." I said bitterly. "My mother sealed the deal when she struck my name of that tapestry."

"In that case, I'm just as much of an outcast as you are," she smiled. "But I blame that kid Snape for Regulus going over to the Dark side. Always leading him into trouble."

"I should have known that he would have something to do with it."

"Yeah… look, that isn't actually what I came to see you about either. Dumbledore has set up this organisation. The Order of the Phoenix it's called. I came to see if you and James would be interested… and Lily and Remus of course if you want to ask them, and little, um… Peter, is it?"

"Okay, you better come in," I said, beckoning her, her kid and James into my house.


	33. Living

So, we joined the Order of the Phoenix. A crime fighting organisation, bent on stopping Voldemort at all costs. We didn't have much to do at first, but as the deaths became higher, we had more and more missions to carry out. We were sort of like voluntary Aurors. A few of us were actual Aurors, but not many. It wasn't like an actual job, more like a club. We didn't meet often, but it was a very important club to be in. It included people we knew from school, such as France Longbottom and his fiancée Alice. There were also people we hadn't met, such as Mad Eye Moody, and eccentric and inspirational Auror.

I and Remus are spending a lot more time together lately. He often comes for dinner. He hasn't stayed the night yet. Not yet, but he will. Oh yeah, he will. In fact, how about tonight? Today we are going to a showroom. I am buying a motorbike! Not just any motorbike… one that flies! It will be just like a cross between a broom and a normal motorbike. I can't wait. Anyway, I will be inviting him around to my house to dinner afterwards… and let us see where it leads from there!

I met Remus outside the showroom. He was lounging against the wall, his light brown hair falling casually into his eyes. I crept up behind him, and slipped my hands over his eyes.

"Guess who?"

He smiled.

"Well the only person immature enough would be Sirius," he told me. I smiled, removing my hands. I kissed him lightly and led him into the showroom.

"Wow!" I sighed, staring at the gleaming machines. I slid over to the nearest bike, stroking the shining red paintwork. I ran over to another, rubbing my cheek along the supple leather seat. Remus laughed, watching me.

"When we were children it was the sweet shop or the joke shop that got you this excited."

"I still like them!" I protested.

"Yeah, you still are a child… except for the drinking beer and wearing leather trousers."

I hitched up my tight pants, smiling wickedly. Then I beckoned to the shop keeper, a tall wizard with a huge tattoo worming its way up the neck of his robes and onto his bald head. He strode over, and I asked him which of the machines could fly. He gestured with a grunt to a small selection over in one corner. My eyes were drawn to a lustrous black bike. I walked slowly over to it, examining it closely. Then I straightened up, grinning broadly.

"Want this one!" I told Remus, childishly. He smiled at my happy expression, and nodded his approval. I handed the shop keeper a bag of gold, and he dropped the keys in my hand. I pushed my new bike out into the street, admiring the way the sun glinted off the metal. Then I swung one leg over the soft seat. Remus did likewise, looping his hands around my waist. I turned the keys, and revved the engine.

"Ah, listen to that!" I sighed, listening to the bike roar into action. Then I drove the bike straight up into the sky.

"Slow down!" Remus yelped as we zoomed along, the town below a blur.

"I can't hear you, I'm driving too fast!" I yelled "This is fantastic!"

We were going so fast, the birds we passed were gone in a flash, bumbling along behind us like snails. So fast I could hardly see, my eyes watering, and my yells of joy lost on the wind that sped us along. Remus clung to me in terror, and eventually I relented and slowed down.

"Are you trying to kill us?" Remus demanded shakily, still hanging on to me for dear life.

"I thought you said you liked bikes?"

"Not at 200 miles an hour! Sirius Black, you are insane."

"In a good way!" I added. I could see my house below, so touched back down. Remus staggered slightly after dismounting, and I locked my bike up in the garage. Then we went into the kitchen. I started making pasta, and Remus produced a bottle of wine. We sat down to eat. I wished I had chosen a food a little more easy to eat than spaghetti; I'm quite a messy eater at the best of times. But, I told myself, Remus had watched me eat for years and years.

We finished our meal, and I poured us each another glass of wine. Remus sipped it, smoothing his white shirt with one hand. He set his empty glass back on the table, and looked at me. I looked back, and stood up, putting my own glass down. I grabbed Remus by the collar and mashed my mouth onto his.

"Sorry Remus, I've wanted to do this for a long time," I murmured into his lips.

"Well good, because I wanted to do it as well," he replied silkily, pulling my skin tight black t-shirt off, and tossing it down on the floor. I picked him up and kicked the bedroom door open.

I lay back on my bed, Remus beside me.

"Ah…" I sighed. "That was… incredible."

Remus smiled audaciously, leaning his head against my chest. I kissed his forehead, and he snuggled closer to me, pulling the duvet over us both. Then I heard the doorbell ring.

"What the hell?" I groaned. I ignored it, but they rang again, more persistently. I grunted, pulling on my boxers and dressing gown. I stumbled to the door, and opened it. Standing there was my brother, Regulus. Regulus the Death Eater.

"What do you want?" I snapped. Regulus was looking nervous. He kept looking behind him warily.

"Take this, okay?" he said, and then ran. I looked at the bag he had shoved into my hands. Probably some kind of stolen goods. Sighing, I climbed up the ladder to the attic, and shoved it inside without looking at it. Then I went back to Remus. But I had barely got back into bed when the doorbell rang again.

"Distractions, bloody distractions!" I cursed.

"I'll get it," Remus sighed. He got up, dressed, and I heard him opening the door, and talking. Then he called

"It's James!"

"Okay, let him in, I'll just be a minute!" I replied.

When I got into the living room, James had been supplied with wine, and was chatting to Remus.

"I've got something to tell you both!" he grinned, as I sat down. "Lily and I are getting married!"

"Really?" I gasped "No way!"

"That's great news!" Remus beamed "Congratulations!"

James smiled happily.

"Yeah, well we haven't finalised the details, I only proposed today, but we were hoping you would be our best man," he said to me.

"What? Me? I mean, sure! If you want me to! Thanks!"

"Okay then! I'll tell you both when we know more. Goodnight!"

He left, and Remus laughed.

"You, a best man? I can't imagine that."

"Hey," I laughed. "I'm very best man-like."

"Sure," Remus grinned. "Now… where were we?" he said, starting to untie the sash of my dressing gown.


	34. Wedding

As we soon found out, planning a wedding is a nightmare. We went shopping, looked through endless dress robes, had our hair cut, and we're the guys! Lily and the girls must be ten times as busy! And then there's my best man's speech, and of course James's stag night to organise…

My suit is a silk black shirt and trousers and red tie, with a black cloak over it, with silver fastenings. It's very cool. James is bouncing around like a bunny on acid; he can't wait until the big day. He keeps whispering "I do," under his breath. Mental. Completely and utterly bonkers.

Remus has moved in full time. His stuff is all over my house. It just makes me so happy whenever I see one of his books open on my coffee table, or his clothes hanging in my wardrobe or his toothbrush in my wash stand… or waking up to see him lying next to me.

Lily has moved in with James as well. If he makes her half as happy as Remus makes me, she must be the happiest woman in the world. Love is amazing; it's like a secret that only you know, like the magic of listening to your favourite song, like being on a permanent sugar rush. If Remus didn't make sure I ate properly, I could probably survive on love alone.

"Okay, so that's five more guests from Perth," James said, scribbling down on a piece of parchment.

"Perth in Scotland or Australia?" Remus asked.

"Scotland, fortunately." James sighed. "This is crazy."

"And only 2 weeks to go!" I reminded him. He groaned and put his head in his hands.

"We're never going to get it all ready in time!"

But amazingly, we did. The caterers were booked, the location rented, the cake frosted, the bridesmaids dressed, the bouquets bought…. we went to the Quidditch World Cup for James's stag night, then went to a bar and got spectacularly drunk.

"How… how many wizards does it take to screw in a light bulb?" giggled James, slopping his glass of Firewhisky all of over the table.

"Hey, hey James, James, it's your stag night! It's your stag night, James! And you're a stag! Hahahahaha, geddit? Geddit James?"

"Wha? Oh, oh yeah! I get it! Hahaha that's good, that's, that's a good one S-Siri-Sirius…"

"He good at jokes isn't he," Remus said, swirling the contents of his glass around, and then downing it in one gulp.

"Yeah… yeah, you are, you know Sirius. You-you're really funny. That's why I love you. And you too Moon-Moony old buddy. I love you guys so much!" he slurred, giving us each a hug.

We all spent the next day with mind blowing hangovers.

"Need… ice!" Remus moaned, staggering to the kitchen, wincing at the sunlight. He pulled out his wand and drew all the blinds. I was wearing dark sunglasses, but my head still felt like a violent cement mixer.

"Did… James get home… kay?" I asked.

"Uh… yeah. Yeah he did."

"Good good… going sleep now."

"Okay."

I got into bed and drew the covers over my head. A few minutes later, Remus got in as well. We slept until the evening.

Then it was the day itself. We got up bright and early and set off. We Apparated, but James rode in on a white unicorn. God knows why. The ceremony was beautiful. Lily looked fabulous in a floaty white dress, surrounded by chattering fairies and sprites. It was so perfect! My best man speech was good, the bridesmaids didn't fall over, and James's mum and dad looked like their hearts were about to burst with happiness. When they took the pictures and the annoying man told us to say "Cheese," me, Remus and James chorused "Cheesy!" just like we had at school. I laughed at that.

Lily Evans was no more. Lily Potter was born. And speaking of births, when we got back to Godric's Hollow that evening, Lily found out she was pregnant. Great, more drama!


	35. I don't want your babies

When James first heard that he was to be a father, he was shocked. Well, stunned is more like it. But now he seems to have become quite fond of the mini Lily/James he has produced, and often speaks to it inside Lily's abdomen. He and Lily have gone completely nuts. Remus calls it "First time parent syndrome." They have filled their house with baby toys, clothes, cots, nappies… and the baby isn't due for another 4 months!

"Does this ever make you, you know, upset that you can't have kids?" Remus asked one day. I surveyed him over the copy of the Daily Prophet I was reading.

"Oh yes. Ever since I found out that I was a man not a woman."

Remus frowned.

"You know what I mean. You and me. We can't ever have children. Have you never wanted children?"

I fidgeted nervously, crumpling up my newspaper and setting it alight.

"No, not really," I answered finally. "The idea never really appealed to me. Beside, I chose you. I want you, Remus, not your babies."

Remus smiled.

"I want you too, Sirius," he breathed, his eyes glittering. I got up, and pulled him to me.

"Finish your breakfast!" he commanded weakly as I whispered suggestively in his ear. I pointed my wand at the toast and Vanished it.

"What breakfast?" I asked, pressing him against the wall. He resisted for a few seconds, but then gave in, wrapping himself around me. I tore his shirt off, rubbing myself up and down his bare chest. He sighed, plunging his hands inside my trousers. I moaned, seizing his hips and running my fingers along the waistband to his jeans. He kissed me roughly, running his tongue along my lips, pulling away teasingly. I cupped his head in my hands, nuzzling his nose and cheeks. He closed his eyes and ran his pointy pink tongue along my neck. I yanked my shirt over my head, and threw it on the floor, pulling Remus back to me. I could feel his heart beating in his chest, fast and furious, just like my motorbike, and Remus's kisses.

"You know," I panted, "It's maybe a good thing we can't have kids. After all, we wouldn't want to worry about that every time we do… what we're doing now."

Remus raised an eyebrow. It was a common trait, but it seemed unbelievably sexy at this present moment.

"Doing what exactly?" he teased, tangling his fingers in my long dark hair.

"You know… it."

"It?"

"Sex!"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

He grinned wickedly, and I growled, pushing him into the cold plaster with one hand while I struggled to unzip my trousers with the other. He watched me with amusement.

"Do you need any help with that?" he purred, reaching out. "That's what you get for wearing such bloody tight trousers."

"The trousers aren't the problem," I shot, sliding them down over my hips. "Anyway, since when do you complain about that?"

"Who said I was complaining?" he asked, resting his head on my shoulder as I pushed him further into the wall. "I…"

I stepped out of my trousers and kissed Remus again, exploring his mouth with my tongue. He opened his mouth wider, tracing patterns on the roof of my mouth with his own tongue. I pushed him further into the wall and he moaned, wrapping his legs around mine.

"You're still wearing your trousers," I observed, burying my face in Remus's hair. Light brown, soft as silk, just long enough. Smelled of shampoo and strawberries. Remus wriggled, attempting to take his pants off, no easy feat as there was less than a millimetre between us. He eventually tugged them off and threw them in a corner.

"Better?" he asked. I nodded breathlessly. We were still wearing our underwear, but no matter, that could easily be rectified.

"Want to take this into the bedroom?" I suggested.

"Yeah…" Remus breathed. He hitched his legs higher, until they were resting on my hips. It felt good. I swung around, and walked into our room. I set Remus down on the bed, rolling over on top of him. We kissed feverishly. Remus was panting, his breathing shallow and uneven. I expect mine was similar.

_Ding dong!!_ trilled the front door.

"Bugger bugger buggeration!" I snarled angrily.


	36. Baby and blows

Harry James Potter. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? James and Lily's new son. My godson. I would have preferred Lily not to go into labour right at the point when I was about to… well at least it wasn't bloody Regulus this time! Harry is quite cute, for a baby. He has a little bit of dark tufty hair, and cries a lot. James and Lily must have their work cut out for them. They have this routine of who gets up at what time to do which bottle. Very confusing. I think being a godfather is the best thing. No dirty nappies, no sleepless nights, but you get to take the kid to the zoo, and push him on the slides and all that.

Harry's christening was cool. Surprisingly, he didn't cry, even when the potion was sprinkled onto his forehead. I and some school friend of Lily had to read some stuff out, and then we had to sing some hymn thingy. Boringish, but then there was an awesome after party.

"Hey!" called Anna Shahid, waving at me, Peter, James and Remus. We made our way over to the former Ravenclaw. Peter was blushing slightly; he had never quite got over his crush on her. But his hopes were in vain, her hand was being held by the "blonde Gryffindor," who she had been dating in school, and she was cradling a tiny baby of her own.

"You, a father!" she laughed to James, giving her baby a quick kiss on the forehead. It cooed and giggled, and Remus smiled slightly.

"You've been doing quite well for yourself also, I see."

"Yup!" she said proudly, looking at her husband. He grinned, flicking his blonde fringe from his brown eyes.

"Two months old now," he told us, gesturing to their child. "You're in for some rough nights, James."

"I like rough nights." James said with a dark chuckle, and we all groaned. Remus blushed. I wondered what he was thinking. Well, only one way to find out and I had quite the flair for Legilemens… I strayed into the pool of Remus's thoughts. And blushed as well.

_Remus!_

_**Sirius! What the hell? **_

_You shouldn't be thinking things like that!_

_**You shouldn't be reading them!**_

_Interesting images, we'll have to try that out tonight…_

_**Sirius!**_

_Remus?_

_**Do I have to wait that long?**_

Yes, life was really going great at the moment. But then something happened that shattered all of our worlds. The Marauders, Lily and Harry were all together in Lily/James's house, having dinner. The doorbell rang, and James got up to answer it. He came back into the living room, followed by Dumbledore. Dumbledore was looking grave. He pulled up a chair, and quickly explained why he had come. So… the war was getting worse, and now it was almost at our doorstep. Lily and James were in danger.

"We need to go into hiding?" James asked, grasping Lily's hand. Lily clutched Harry to her chest protectively, as if Voldemort was about to jump through the window and pull him away from her.

"No… if you use a Secret Keeper, Voldemort would never be able to find you."

Only Peter flinched when Dumbledore mentioned Voldemort's name. Dumbledore went on to explain exactly what becoming a Secret Keeper entailed.

"I'll do it." I said quickly.

"Are you sure?" Dumbledore said quietly. "I could do it."

"No, your school needs you," I insisted. "I can go into hiding; I don't need to stay here…"

"I'll come with you," Remus told me, gripping my hand.

"I can't take you into danger."

"That wasn't a request. It was a statement."

"Very well then…"


	37. Changes

"So… this is it…" I said, looking at the tiny cottage.

"Guess so," Remus said, putting down his suitcase to search for the keys.

"Look, Remus if you want to go home now, I'll be fine here by myself."

Remus shook his head.

"No way. I'm here to stay."

"That rhymes…" I giggled. "But seriously, you don't have to feel guilty or anything, I don't need anybody here."

"I know, and I am here for the long run. For better and for worse."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Okay, well, you can leave whenever you want."

"Agreed! Now, time to live life on the edge," Remus grinned, punching the air.

"Time to grab life by the balls!" I grinned. Remus raised his eyebrows.

"No pun intended," I said hastily, trying to hide my smile.

"Well, sounds like fun…" Remus said slyly. "And no bastards are likely to ring the doorbell…"

I licked my lips.

"Maybe this derelict shack won't be such a bad place to live after all…"

And it wasn't. When we got inside, it turned out to be a pretty okay place, probably due to the enlarging enchantments Dumbledore had put on it. But something was still worrying me. It was obvious that James would choose me as Secret Keeper. I would never, ever willingly give up their whereabouts. I would die. I would die painfully. I would let him torture me until the ends of time rather than betray my friends. But… what about non-willingly? What about if Voldemort possessed me or Imperioused me or read my mind? I wasn't entirely an accomplished Occlumens. I was terrified that the small nugget of information that only I could reveal would be taken from me. Unless…

What if I wasn't the Secret Keeper? What if I switched with somebody else? The perfect bluff. Voldemort would of course think it was me. But no matter how much he tortured me, he would never get the information from me. He would come after me, while the real Secret Keeper would be safely hidden away!

I looked down at Remus, who was curled in the foetal position, snuffling peacefully as he slept. Sighing, I left the house, locked the door quietly behind me and Apparating. I felt the cold wind hit my face as I reached my destination, and breathed in deeply.

"Sirius?" asked Dumbledore, striding to my side quickly. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I had, well, an idea on how to make the Potters safer."

"Go ahead…"

After I had finished explaining, Dumbledore surveyed me over his half moon spectacles, his spindly fingers entwined.

"Did you have anybody in mind for this Secret Keeper?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Well, I thought, maybe Peter. He is a bit weak, I do admit that, but he's a good friend, and I think it would be a good con. Voldemort would never expect…"

"Very well, I will make the arrangements, if Peter is also in agreement."

I looked at Dumbledore, who appeared uneasy.

"Sirius… I have some bad news. Your brother was murdered earlier today."

I stared at him. I felt as if somebody had poured a bucket of ice over my head.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why? By who?"

I was praying that Dumbledore wasn't going to say that he had done it, or James. I knew that Regulus was a Death Eater, but I would hate to find out that one of the Order had killed him."

"By the Death Eaters, on Voldemort's orders it seems."

"Oh…"

I'm not going to pretend that I was heartbroken, but I was shocked. Killed by the Death Eaters? Did that mean he had betrayed them?

"Sirius, go home now, and rest. I will send you an owl when I have sorted out everything with Peter. But for now, don't worry." Dumbledore said gently. I nodded curtly, and walked off. I Apparated back to our shack, and opened the door quietly. But not quiet enough. Remus's eyes snapped open, and he stared at me.

"Where have you been?! I was worried sick!" he said accusingly. I walked over to him, and took his outstretched hand, pressing it to my lips. Finally, I said

"I was seeing Dumbledore."

Remus looked quickly up at me. His piercing eyes, stronger than Veritaserum. I could never lie to those eyes; never say no to those eyes. I looked away, telling him about Regulus, but not about Peter. I couldn't burden my lover with such problems. I thought vaguely about running away. But he would find me. And I couldn't live without him. As I lay, enfolded by his sleeping arms, I wondered what we were to do. I prayed the war would be over soon, and everything would be back to normal.


	38. Dark Death and Blood

The owl confirming the switch arrived a few days later. I visited Peter several times, just to make sure he was safe. I told Remus that I was going for a walk. Peter seemed shaken, but determined. I knew he wouldn't be in danger; otherwise I wouldn't have suggested it.

I closed my eyes, curling up in Remus's embrace. I sank into blackness.

_A cloaked figure was walking slowly towards a house. I recognised the house immediately. It was James and Lily's house. The figure glided swiftly along the grass. It raised its wand, blasting the door off its hinges. A man with unruly black hair was yelling over his shoulder. His wife ran, clutching their baby son._

"_Courageous of you, Potter." a high, cold voice smirked. "But foolish."_

_A flash of green light shot from his wand. James ducked, shooting his own spell back at Voldemort. Voldemort hissed, deflecting James's spell at the last minute. Voldemort sent out another jet of green light. This time, James didn't try and stop him. He stood, looking straight at Voldemort. His hazel eyes widened when the curse hit him in the chest, and he fell backwards, onto the floor. Voldemort stepped over his body, looking for Lily. He spoke to her in his cold voice, and she begged with him, not to kill her son. To kill her instead. I saw the panic in her eyes as he looked at the baby. He lifted his wand, and killed her as well. Then he turned his wand on the baby._

"Noooooooo!" I screamed, thrashing around in agony. Remus was gripping my shoulders, looking down at me with mingled concern and fright.

"What is it?" he said urgently. I jumped out of bed, pulling on the first clothes I saw.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked. His eyes were wide and fearful.

"I need to go. I'll explain when I come back."

I wrenched my arm from his grip and ran out of the house. I first went to Peter's hiding place. He wasn't there. Five minutes later, I stood in Godric's Hollow. I stared, dumbfounded, at the wreckage of my best friend's house. My whole body shook with grief and horror. I could see their bodies. I didn't want to see, but I had to. What if one of them was still alive? It was impossible, but I was desperate, clinging to the smallest glimmer of hope. I picked my way through the rubble. I saw James, sprawled over the fragments of a mirror, his eyes wide and staring. I closed them gently, feeling hot tears of remorse spill from my own. I saw a dark hulking figure, also searching through the debris. I recognised him immediately. It was Hagrid. I walked over to him, still shaking like a leaf.

"Sirius!" he said. He too, had tears running down his face.

"Hagrid!" I sobbed. The half giant pulled me into a one armed hug. In his other arm, a bundle was cradled. I stared at the sleeping baby.

"Voldemort… didn't kill Harry?" I said in wonder. Hagrid yelped when I said the name.

"No… an' You-Know-Who, he's gone."

"Gone?"

"Vanished. Withou' a trace."

I looked at my godson. He had a cut on his forehead, shaped like a bolt of lightning.

"Let me take him," I said. "He's my godson. I'll take care of him."

Hagrid looked at me, his shaggy hair tangled and matted.

"Wish I could, Sirius. Dumbledore sent me, see. Sent me to get Harry, an' take 'im back to Hogwarts."

I nodded. Then I ran to mine and Remus's house across the road. I opened the garage, and pulled out my beloved motorbike.

"Here, Hagrid," I said, wheeling the bike over to him. "Take it. I don't need it now. Take Harry back to Dumbledore. And… look after him."

Hagrid nodded wordlessly, getting on the bike. He flew off into the night, and I sank to the ground, drowning in anguish. I howled like a dog in pain, beating the hard ground with my fist. This was my fault. All my fault. I had done this, and the Potters were dead. Dead, never coming back. It was because of me. A face swam into my mind, and I punched a jagged rock. Blood ran down my knuckles, and I wish it was his. Peter Pettigrew.


	39. They'll throw away the key

I had to find him, the murderous traitor who had betrayed my friends. But worse, he had deceived his own friends. We had taken in Peter, accepted him into the group, protected him from the cruel taunts of the Slytherins, and helped him with school work. We had been kind to him, looked after him. But now I saw Peter for what he was; a weak cowardly _rat _who seeks only the protection and the friendship of the strongest. At school it had been us. The cleverest, the most popular group. Now it was Voldemort.

I searched the village for a sign of Peter, hoping he was still here. So I can kill him. So I can hear the little rat's squeals of pain as he suffers. So that I can make him pay for what he had done to my friends. Muggles stared as I ran past. I must have looked a fright. I was wearing muggle clothes, but my appearance can't have been helped by the thin wand I was clutching in my hand, nor the blood flowing from my clenched fists. Yes, there is blood on my hands all right. Literally and figuratively. Blood and guilt.

I saw a small cloaked figure hurrying along a street.

"Pettigrew!" I roared. Muggles around us stared. He turned, and I saw the look of fear on his face. It was a dead end, and he stood against the dirty bricks, holding his wand like a talisman. I seized his robes by the neck, pushing him against the wall.

"_Why did you do it???_" I asked, venomously, grinding his head into the bricks. He looked at me in terror.

"I…"

"Why did you betray our friends? You will burn for this, Wormtail."

A shadow of a smile crossed his face, as he looked over my shoulder. I turned to see Aurors running towards us.

"LILY AND JAMES, SIRIUS!!" Peter bellowed, loud enough for the Aurors to hear. "HOW COULD YOU??"

"No!" I growled. "You're the one with the Dark Mark on his arm. Who do you think they'll believe?"

Peter looked at me. Then he blew up the street. He really did. He took his wand out, and blasted the street to smithereens.

"Oh my god!" I gasped, staring at the remains of muggles smeared onto the sides of buildings, and the crater on the floor. The Aurors had been thrown off their feet, but were getting up now, looking at me in horror. I stared wildly around for Peter. One of his fingers was lying on the floor. Had he committed suicide? No. Just as the Aurors wrenched my wand away, I saw a rat scurry off down the sewer. He had transformed. Of course.

"You're coming with us, murderer." one of the Aurors spat. I looked at him wildly.

"It wasn't me!"

The other Auror laughed coldly. "Sure. You're going to be locked up, Black. They're going to throw away the key."

I yelled as they grabbed my arms and dragged me away. But maybe I deserved to be locked up for life. It was I who suggested we switch Secret Keeper. It was my fault.


	40. The Prisoner in Azkaban

They did lock me up. In Azkaban. Without trial. I guess the evidence was overwhelming. I don't think the fact that I was writhing and screaming about rats and lies helped matters. Most of them think I'm mad. Maybe I am. Well, from what I've heard of the power the Dementors have over the prisoners of Azkaban, I say it won't be long before I am. Barking, howling mad. I do howl sometimes. Every full moon. I howl at the moon and remember my one true love. Remus, who probably thinks that I am a murderer. I imagine him, burning all the photos of us, regretting every moment he spent with me.

Imagine if he moves on with his life. It's been so long… he could have another lover. Or even… my blood ran cold as I thought about it. Remus wasn't gay, he was bi. What if he married? Had a wife? Had _kids?_ I would never know. I would die not knowing. And as for Harry, he thought that I was the killer who turned his parents in to Voldemort. Well, I as good as killed them. I should have seen that snivelling Pettigrew for what he was.

I don't know how long it has been now. Months, years maybe. The days merge into one stream of monotony. I am still as sane as ever. Well, if you can call it sanity. I have seen other prisoners go mad within weeks, screaming in their sleep. They die eventually. Their bodies are carried past my cell. That's what Dementors do to people. But not to me. Somehow, even I don't quite understand why or how, but they don't manage to take everything away from me. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that the reason for this was my innocence. I'm innocent, they're guilty. They suffer, I don't. Makes sense, in a way. But the thing I don't understand. Why did I have that vision the night James and Lily died? How could I see that?

_A thirteen year old James sighed, ruffling his own hair. _

"_I'm bored" he yawned._

"_Me too," I told him. Peter and Remus nodded their agreement. It was a lazy June afternoon, and we were in the grounds. We had nothing to do; our homework was done, and it was too hot to play Quidditch. _

"_I know!" James exclaimed "Let's become blood brothers."_

_We stared at him._

"_What?" _

_He explained the muggle tradition of making a slit in your thumb and pressing it to that of a friend, to mix blood, and become "blood brothers."_

"_Okay," I agreed. We handed around a jagged bottle. I pressed my thumb against James's. Then I made a slit in my other thumb, and pressed it to Remus's. Remus cut his other thumb as well, offering the bottle to Peter, who shook his head. Remus shrugged, and pressed his thumb to James's. The three of us sat there in a circle for a while, waiting for the blood to mix._

"_There!" James said. "We are all brothers now. Except you, Peter."_

_Peter looked at him, and shivered._

"_I hate blood," he said._

Yes, Peter. You hate blood. Even though you blasted muggle guts all over a road. But could this "blood brother" thing have actually caused a real blood bond? Was that possible? I decided that it didn't have anything to do with it.

One day, I saw somebody I didn't expect. Bellatrix.

"Hey!" I yelled as she was brought past my cell. She smirked.

"Look at little Sirius, all locked up,"

"You can talk."

I looked at her suspiciously.

"What did you do…?" I asked her. She shrugged, looking at me nastily.

"Tortured some Auror and his wife. They went insane."

"Which Auror?"

"Frank Longbottom."

"I knew him! Him and Alice… old friends of ours."

"Well, you don't have any friends now, do you ickle Sirius? Your boyfriend hates you, and your other friends do too. Either that or they're _dead_."

"Shut up!!!!" I yelled, reaching through the bars, trying to hit her. She stepped back, looking evilly at me.

"Bye, Sirius!" she trilled as she was led away.


	41. Daily Prophet

I was shocked to discover that I had been in prison for nearly 12 years. It seemed a lot less, but an eternity at the same time. I looked terrible. I didn't care any more. My hair was nearly down to my waist, and I didn't bother taking any care of my appearance. How old would Harry be now? 12? 13? Yeah, 13. Only just, I think. I'm not sure exactly what month it is, but its summer.

One day, Fudge, the current Minister for Magic paid a visit to Azkaban. I leapt up when I saw him make his way uneasily between the rows of cells.

"Minister!" I shouted. He came over.

"Black." he said, with a curt nod.

"How is everything? How's Harry?" I asked eagerly.

"Harry Potter?"

"Yeah! How is he?"

"Harry is well. He is at Hogwarts now, due to start his third year."

I smiled at the portly man enthusiastically.

"Yeah? What house?"

"Gryffindor."

I grinned happily.

"I thought he would be. Just like his father."

Fudge nodded uncomfortably.

"I didn't kill all those people, you know." I said, seriously. Fudge shook his head. He didn't believe me.

"Well…" I said. "Say hi to Harry."

"Will do," Fudge promised. I knew he wouldn't.

"Oh, how is Remus? Remus Lupin?" I asked. Fudge looked confused.

"Remus… Lupin?" he asked. Then a look of dawning comprehension flitted cross his face.

"Ah, Lupin! Yes, he is the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts."

I stared at the Minister in delight.

"No! Really? That's fantastic!" I beamed. Fudge took off his bowler hat, running his fingers along the brim. He was definitely looking confused now to leave.

"Well, Black, I best be off," he said, quite obviously making an excuse.

"Err… Minister? Do you think I could have that?" I asked, pointing at the copy of the Daily Prophet he was holding. He handed it to me.

"Thanks," I said. "I miss my morning copy of the Prophet. I use to like doing the crossword."

He nodded, and hurried away. I watched him leave, thinking to myself. So, this was how the wizarding world thought of me. A dangerous convict whose madness was contagious. I sighed, and flipped open the paper. I read about some new band that was doing a tour... nothing very interesting. Not when you think of the paper from my adolescence, filled with stories of deaths and disappearances. I looked through the paper idly, and then I saw something that made me drop the paper on the floor. My heart in my mouth, I picked the newspaper up again. Yes, there he was. Sitting on a boy's shoulder. I read the article quickly, and my worst fears were realised. The boys were going back to Hogwarts… and they were Weasleys. They would no doubt all be in Gryffindor. With Harry. Peter Pettigrew, still disguised as a rat, was at Hogwarts. Harry's life was in danger. And there was nothing I could do about it!


	42. Snuffles Escapes

I refused food. I didn't sleep. I needed to escape, but how? Eventually, I made a plan. When the guard came to bring me my food, I transformed into Padfoot, and slipped past him. Through the bars, out of the building. But then there was another problem. Azkaban was on an island, miles from the mainland. My tail drooped forlornly as I looked out over the water. Even a dog couldn't swim that distance, could it? Well, I had to try. I took a deep breath, and waded into the shallows.

I swam without pausing. When I got about halfway, I felt as if all four legs were about to drop off. I could feel myself sinking. I was so tired; I wanted to let myself sink, and embrace endless sleep. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. Remus's face burst clearly into my mind, and I longed with every fibre of my being just to see him once more. With a new surge of energy, I swam on. Eventually, I reached the shore, and promptly collapsed.

I woke up dazedly to see a muggle girl stroking me.

"Daddy, look it's a doggy!" she squealed. Her father came over, and looked down at me, worried.

"Now then old fellow, you don't look too good," he said, in a "talking to dog" kind of voice. He picked me up and strode up the beach with me.

"Can we keep him Daddy? Can we?" his daughter pleaded. Oh god, please no.

"Hmm, we have to get him checked over first," her father said worriedly. They took me to a muggle Healer for animals. I think it's called a Vet. He prodded and poked me, and for a horrible moment, I was afraid that he would realise I wasn't a real dog. But he gave me some food, and I went to sleep.

The next morning, the little girl and her family were back. They want to take me home and adopt me.

"Please, Mr Vet-person!" the kid begged. "I want him! He can be my pet dog! I'd call him Snuffles, and walk him everyday, even when I got school and I get really tired, cos I want him sooo much!!"

I looked at her in horror. No, I did not want to be a pet dog called Snuffles. No thank you, no. I looked at the muggle Vet, silently beseeching him to refuse.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," the Vet told her. "But he might already have an owner. I'm going to put up some "Found" posters around the village, and if he doesn't, well then you may be able to keep him."

The girl looked like she wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad. She compromised by flinging her arms round my neck, bleating

"I'll be back later Snuffles! I pwomise!"

Then she left. Well, I was better now, and not about to stay to be given to some muggle family as a pet. When the Vet went into another room to get me some food, I slipped off the table had lain me on, and ran to the door. Standing on my hind legs, I turned the door handle, and ran off. I decided that the best thing to do was to stay as a dog. Nobody except Remus and Wormtail knew that I was an Animagus, and unless they had told…

Well, I found out that I was quite near to London. This was near where Harry was staying, at Lily's sister's house if the tattered Daily Prophet I had just fished out of a bin was correct. I turned back to my human form momentarily while I Apparated to Surrey. Then I searched the streets as Padfoot. I knew I couldn't just waltz up to Harry. I just wanted to see him.

Then I saw him. A tallish figure with messy black hair. He looked so much like James that you could have stood the two side by side and got confused. Except, as I saw when he turned to look around him, for the eyes. Emerald green, Lily's eyes. I watched him as he dragged a trunk behind him. Was he running away? He seemed agitated, looking around him. Then he saw me, and looked scared. I guess I could see why. A huge black dog emerging from the shadows behind you- a bit freaky. He fell over, and a huge purple bus appeared. The Knight Bus. I melted back into the shadows, remembering the night I ran away from home, and took the Knight Bus to James's house. I wondered where Harry was going. But I had to set off North now, to Hogwarts.


	43. A Cat named Crookshanks

The whole world has been alerted to my presence. Magic and muggle. I seriously can't risk Apparating again. I hate it, but I will have to go by foot. Anyway, when I get near Hogwarts I wouldn't be able to Apparate either. Special enchantments. Just like in Azkaban….

I shivered slightly, thinking of that place. Freedom was beautiful. Not that it was exactly freedom; my name was as black as… well my name. I snickered slightly at my joke, and padded along. I expected to arrive at the castle just a few months after the students did. Not the best time frame in the world, but it's the best hope I have of evading capture. Seriously, there are posters of me everywhere. Sirius Black; Armed and Dangerous. Do not approach.

It's quite funny that scared muggles muttering among themselves about "that escaped convict," actually pet said convict on the head as I pass them. I eat from bins when I have to, sometimes bagging some fish and chips off kind hearted passers-by. I can catch rats as well. It seems a pretty rough way to live, but trust me, anything is preferable to jail.

I did turn back into a human fleetingly in order to Apparate over a huge motorway. I reappeared in woods as to avoid humans who might recognise me, but I think a couple may have caught a glimpse of me. I paid dearly for my shortcut. The next day, the newspapers were plastered with **Sirius Black Has Been Sighted!!! **Not good at all. Cursing, I left the town as fast as my four legs would carry me.

Eventually, I reached Hogsmeade. I had decided that I would stay in the Shrieking Shack. If the rumours were still going strong, nobody would come anywhere near. I would be safe there, at least for a while. And it had a direct passageway to Hogwarts! Excellent….

I lay down on the battered floorboards and slept. I hadn't managed to get much sleep in my travels. When I woke up, I decided to go around the village. As Padfoot naturally. Or, as I sometimes refer to myself now, Snuffles. Padfoot is the more Marauder-ish, mischievous side. Snuffles is the cute lovable stray that wags his tail and wins your heart. And Sirius is the Order Member and godfather set to avenge his best friend's death. I scampered along the street, eagerly sniffing people's shopping. Occasionally I was rewarded with a titbit or pat on the head. It was surprising how much I enjoyed this human contact, but after twelve years in a prison cell…

A ginger cat stepped out in front of me. He glared straight at me, flattening his ears against his skull, hissing. Could it tell that I wasn't a dog?? I tried to talk, but obviously I could only bark and whine.

_Okay, I'm a man. _I thought. _But I have to pretend to be a dog. I won't hurt you._

The cat looked at me haughtily. If it was human, I was sure it would have laughed in disbelief.

_You… you aren't a full cat are you? You're… part Kneazle?_

The cat looked at me sharply. I knew I was right. I started back to the Shack, the cat following me suspiciously. I lay on the floor.

_Where do you live?_ I asked silently.

The cat wrote something in the dust.

Hag… hug… Hogwarts!

_You live in Hogwarts? _

The cat nodded slowly. I couldn't believe I was asking a cat for help.

_You belong to a student?_

Another nod.

_In Ravenclaw? _

He shook his head.

_Hufflepuff?_

No.

… _Slytherin…?_

Still no.

_Gryffindor?_

A nod. I looked at my small companion, excited.

_I don't suppose… you know a rat? A rat you don't quite trust? A rat with a missing toe?_

The cat looked at me, working out whether or not to trust me. Then it nodded.

**Note to readers: I know that Sirius said that it took a long time to get Crookshanks to trust him, but I didn't think that you would really appreciate the next few chapters filled with Sirius making friends with a cat.**


	44. Trying and Failing

From my new feline friend, I learnt that the Weasley boy who owned the rat was in Harry's dormitory. There was no time to waste. I had to act now. Well, on Halloween anyway, and that was tomorrow. All the students would be in the Great Hall, having their feast. I could just go in, get the rat, and scarper. Simple.

Well… not so simple. Crookshanks led me through the tunnel under the Willow, still undiscovered! Filch had obviously never worked out how to use the Map, even though he had confiscated it from us over fourteen years ago. Wait… of course he wouldn't. He's a Squib. As the map so kindly pointed out. Oh, the detentions we suffered for that…

I crept up the staircase, tracing the familiar path to Gryffindor tower. The Fat Lady stared at me.

"Sirius B…" she squealed, before I pointed my knife at her.

"I hate muggle weapons… but they snapped my wand in half when I got arrested." I told her sadly. Her eyes were popping.

"Look, Lady, I don't want to ruin your painting. You were really good to us as kids,"

"You were such a good kid… who would have thought you'd turn out to be a…"

"I'm not! Look, I need to get in there. I'll be in there two minutes max. Then I'll leave, I swear. There are no boys in there, what harm would it do?"

"Harm?! Harm?! You're a murderer!! You murdered a dozen people with one curse!! I won't let you kill again!"

Her voice was shrill and panicky, her eyes wide and fearful.

"I'm not a murderer!" I roared, brandishing my knife. The Fat Lady fled, leaving a blank painting behind. That couldn't let me in… I stabbed my knife into the canvas in frustration, slashing the empty portrait. I kicked it hard, and to my amazement, it swung open. I ran into the common room, the cat at my heels.

"Where is he?" I said wildly. "Can you smell him?"

The cat sniffed the air. He bounded up to the dormitory, and I followed. I was led to an empty bed. There was a bottle of Rat Tonic under the bed, and several rat hairs on the sheets. The rat wasn't here. Peter WASN'T here!!

We escaped the castle before the Fat Lady could alert Dumbledore. Back in the Shack, I stroked the cat absently. He purred and rubbed up against my legs.

"Stupid, moron Sirius!" I growled. Now the Dementors would be everywhere… looking, searching, breathing, grasping in the darkness. I hadn't thought that the boy would keep Peter with him all the time, but as the cat had been trying with increasing desperation to bring Peter to me, I suppose Weasley would want to keep his pet safe.

Later, I tried again to sneak into the castle. The cat stole a list of the passwords for me, and I read them to the knight guarding the portrait hole. He let me in, and I crept through the pitch black common room. It was the middle of the night, and everyone was asleep. I crossed to the boy's bed, and pulled back the hangings. Where was Peter?? The boy stirred, and opened his eyes. For a moment, we stared at each other. Then he screamed, and I ran for it.

**Note to Readers: Yes, I know that some of you may consider this chapter as unimportant since we already know all of this and it isn't crucial. Unfortunately, there may be more of that, seeing canon events from Sirius' prospective. Please bear with me; I just want to show how Sirius felt through it all. I'll try not to make it too boring for you ; )**


	45. Cat, Rat and Dog

The end of the school year was approaching, and I was getting desperate. Peter had escaped from the dormitory, leaving blood on his sheets so it would look like Cat did it, so at least he wasn't near Harry. But he was in the grounds still. He had sneaking into Hagrid's cabin. I and Cat lurked near Hagrid's house, in case Peter left. But before he did, Hagrid got some visitors. One of them, I recognised as the boy who Peter had been with in the photo. The other was Harry. And the third was a girl with bushy brown hair.

They were slightly blurry around the edges, and I realised that they must be wearing an invisibility cloak. James's cloak! Of course, animals can see through cloaks. They knocked on the door, and Hagrid answered, looking ill and shaky. If the rumours were true, Hagrid's pet Hippogriff was about to be killed. Hagrid always had a love of animals of all shapes and sizes.

"It's us," I heard Harry say. "We're wearing the Invisibility Cloak. Let us in and we can take it off"

"Yeh shouldn't have come!" Hagrid replied. He let them in, and they shut the door behind them. Cat looked at me, and began to walk off. I ran after him, and we waited for the kids to come out of the hut. They needed to hurry up, the executioners were coming! I could warn them, but how? Then I saw them come out of the house, covered in the cloak. To my horror, Harry's friend was holding Peter. Peter was squealing and struggling for his life as they walked back to the castle. Cat slunk after them, and Peter escaped, scuttling off into the dark, Cat in hot pursuit. I followed at a distance, praying that Cat would catch Peter. The red haired boy was hurtling after them, yelling at Cat as he tried to get his rat back. He kicked Cat, and flung himself on top of Peter.

"_Gotcha! _Get off, you stinking cat—"

He stuffed Peter back in his pocket, clutching the bulge to stop him from escaping again. Harry and the girl had caught up. The girl was talking to the boy who had Peter. I had to get Peter. This could be my last chance!

I leapt out, and ran at them. Harry stood up, in front of his friend. I leapt at him, knocking him over onto the grass, and rolled off him. I looked around for the boy with Peter. There he was! I lunged, pushing Harry aside, fastening my teeth onto his arm, trying to pull him away… Harry seized a handful of my fur, but I managed to keep my grip, and pulled the boy away. We were at the Willow, and I dragged the boy down towards the secret passageway. I heard Harry and the girl yelling; they must have been hit by one of the tree's branches. The boy had got his leg caught in one of the branches, and with an awful crack, his leg gave way and I continued to take him along the passageway. He was moaning, and when we finally got to the Shack, I saw that his leg was clearly broken.

I turned back into myself, and looked at the boy.

"Are you okay?" I asked urgently. He stared at me.

"S-Sirius B-Black!" he squeaked. I sighed, and took his wand from his pocket. He reached for it feebly, and then gave up. Cat walked into the room and rubbed himself against my ankles. I stroked his head, and he leapt onto the bed. Then the other two burst in, and ran to their friend. They spoke to him anxiously. And then they saw me. I shut the door quickly, and disarmed them. I looked at Harry. He really was the spitting image of James.

"I thought you'd come and help your friend. Your father would have done the same for me. Brave of you, not to run for a teacher. I'm grateful… it will make every-thing much easier…"

Harry was looking at me with hatred blazing in those green eyes. He stepped forwards, but his friends held him back.

"No Harry!" the girl said, sounding terrified.

"If you want to kill Harry you'll have to kill us too!" his red haired friend said angrily. That how they saw me. A murderer, come to school to kill Harry. Harry had such good friends… this boy and girl were willing to die for him. The boy looked ill, as if he was about to faint.

"Lie down," I told him, concerned. "You will damage that leg even more,"

The boy ignored me.

"Did you hear me?" he demanded. "You'll have to kill all three of us."

No, I wouldn't kill Harry. I wasn't going to kill any of them. All I wanted was Peter.

"There'll only be one murder here tonight," I told them.

"Why's that?!" Harry shouted "Didn't care last time, did you? Didn't mind slaughtering all those muggles to get at Pettigrew… What's the matter, gone soft in Azkaban?"

That hurt. It really did.

"Harry, be quiet!" the girl warned.

"HE KILLED MY MUM AND DAD!!" Harry yelled, pulling away and lunging at me. He knocked me against the wall before I could retaliate, the wands sparking a little in my hand, thankfully missing Harry. He was punching me… I couldn't hit him back. I couldn't bring myself to hit my best friend's son. But if I didn't fight back, he would kill me. I caught his throat, squeezing just as much to make him let go.

"No… I've waited too long," I said. Harry choked, and the girl kicked me. I let go of Harry, and his friend with the broken leg flung himself at me, trying to get the wands I had clutched in my hand.

Cat jumped at Harry, clawing his arm, then running to get his wand. But Harry yelled at Cat, kicking him aside, and grabbed his wand.

"Get out of the way!" I heard him yelling at his friends. My eyes were closed, and when I opened them, Harry was pointing his wand at me, straight at my heart. He was going to kill me, and he'd never know the truth…

"Going to kill me, Harry?" I felt myself whispering. Harry looked unsteady.

"You killed my parents," he said slowly. I looked up at him, my heart beating very fast.

"I don't deny it, but if you knew the whole story,"

Harry stared at me.

"The whole story? You sold them to Voldemort, that's all I need to know!"

So that's what he thought. So that's what everybody thought.

"You've got to listen to me!" I pleaded "You'll regret it if you don't… you don't understand…"

"I understand a lot better than you think," Harry spat "You never hear her, did you? My mum… trying to stop Voldemort killing me… and you did that… you did it…"

I felt like he'd punched me again, like he'd stabbed me in the heart. Every bad thought I had thought about myself while I stewed in Azkaban came flooding back and hit me in the face. Harry was furious. He was going to kill me… he really was…

But before he could, Cat streaked in front of him, sitting on my chest, between Harry's wand and me. I blinked, looking at him. Cat was trying to save my life! But if he stayed there, Harry might kill him as well… I couldn't have that.

"Get off," I ordered, pushing Cat. Cat dug his claws into my robes, refusing to move. The girl sobbed… was she Cat's owner?

Harry kept his wand pointed at us, but his hand was shaking. He stood there for eons, not moving, thinking… and then came footsteps.

"WE'RE UP HERE!" the girl screamed. "WE'RE UP HERE- SIRIUS BLACK- _QUICK_!!"

I jumped, and looked at Harry. Harry looked back, and the footsteps grew closer. The door swung open, and a man raced in. He was pale, his light brown hair was short, and his robes were fraying and patched, but I recognised him at once.

**Note to Readers: Ooh… who could it be?? Well, of course you knew that already! Apologies again for telling you all this you already know… please keep reading! **


	46. And all that came next

I stared at Remus, my heart beating very fast. He disarmed the others, and then walked over to stare at me. We looked at each other, and I saw that he was shaking.

"Where is he Sirius?" he asked. He knew. Remus knew the truth! He knew about Peter! I pointed at the boy who had Peter.

"But then," Remus muttered, looking into my eyes intently "… why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless –"

Remus's eyes widened, and I knew he had finally realised.

"—unless, he was the one… unless you switched, without telling me…?"

I nodded silently, my eyes fixed on Remus's face.

"Professor Lupin, what's going…?" Harry started to say. Remus lowered his wand, and pulled me to my feet, hugging me tightly. I smiled for the first time in a long, long time as I hung on to him like I never wanted to let go.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!" the girl yelled. Lupin let go of me, leaving me feeling empty once again.

"You... you…" the girl gasped, pointing at Remus.

"Hermione…"

"…you and him!"

"Hermione, calm down…"

"I didn't tell anyone!" the girl…Hermione… shrieked "I've been covering up for you!"

"Hermione, listen to me please!" Remus shouted "I can explain!"

"I trusted you!" Harry yelled at him "and all the time, you've been his friend!"

"You're wrong," Remus said quietly, "I haven't been Sirius's friend for twelve years, but I am now… let me explain…"

"NO!" Hermione screamed "Harry don't trust him, he's been helping Black get into the castle, he wants you dead too—he's _a werewolf_!"

Everything went very quiet, and Remus was even paler. I was angry, but felt it better to keep quiet.

"Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermione. Only one out of three, I'm afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle, and I certainly don't want Harry dead… but I won't deny that I am a werewolf."

The three teenagers stared at him. I guess to them it was like Remus announcing he was a Death Eater or something. But why does it matter? That's what I always thought, what I think now. It made me even angrier when the red head said

"_Get away from me, werewolf_!"

Remus looked hurt, and turned away, to talk to Hermione. They talked about Remus, and I was shocked when the Weasley boy asked if Dumbledore was mad for hiring Remus. I'll bet Remus is a fantastic teacher.

I crossed to the bed and sat down, burying my head in my hands. Cat leapt onto my knee, purring. Lupin was giving Harry, Weasley and Hermione their wands back, and stuck his own wand in his belt.

Remus started to explain. He told them that he had the Marauder's Map, and that was how he knew to come. I must admit, I was wondering that myself. Remus asked to look at the rat.

"What's Scabbers got to do with it?" the boy, I think Remus called him Ron asked.

"Everything. Could I see him, please?"

Eventually, Ron surrendered his rat. Peter. Remus held his breath, staring at Peter.

"What? What's my rat got to do with anything?"

"That's not a rat," I said slowly.

"What d'you mean… of course he's a rat…."

"No he's not," Remus said "He's a wizard."

"An Animagus by the name of Peter Pettigrew," I added.

"You're both mental!" Ron said

"Peter Pettigrew's dead!" Harry said "He killed him twelve years ago!"

He pointed at me.

"I meant to," I said bitterly "but little Peter got the better… not this time though!"

Unable to stop myself anymore, I grabbed at Peter. I was going to kill him; finally I was going to kill him.

"Sirius, NO!" Remus yelled, pulling me away. "WAIT! You can't do it just like that, they need to understand, we've got to explain!"

"We can explain afterwards!" I snarled, grasping and clawing at Peter.

"They've…got…a…right…to…know…everything!" Remus panted, holding me away. "Ron's kept him as a pet! There are parts of it even I don't understand! And Harry- you owe Harry the truth, Sirius!"

I stopped struggling, still staring at Peter. He was right, of course. He's always right. I agreed reluctantly.

Remus started to explain. He told them everything, about how Peter was an Animagus…

"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus! I've waited twelve years; I'm not going to wait much longer!"

"All right… but you'll need to help me, Sirius. I only know how it began…"

There was suddenly a loud creak, and the bedroom door opened all by itself. We all stared at it. Then Remus went to look out across the landing.

"No one there…"

"This place is haunted!" Ron said nervously.

"It's not. The Shrieking Shack was never haunted… the screams and howls the villagers used to hear with made by me."

He pushed his hair out of his eyes. I noticed that it was flecked with grey, but it still looked like… Remus. Remus started to explain about his werewolf-ness. Then about how me and James and Peter became Animagi. He explained everything, about how we were the Marauders, about the Map. He explained that he had not told Dumbledore about me being an Animagus. Then he mentioned Snape.

"Snape?" I said quickly "What's Snape got to do with it?"

"He's here, Sirius." Remus said "He's teaching here as well."

Apparently Snape had been poisoning Dumbledore against Remus. Figures. But why on earth would Dumbledore ever hire Snape? I listened as Remus explained about the time I tricked Snape into following Remus to the Shack. It seemed so… unimportant now.

"So that's why Snape doesn't like you," Harry said "because he thought you were in on the joke?"

"That's right," came a cold voice. It was Snape.

**Note to readers: Yes I know you know all this! Don't worry, we're getting to the interesting bit!**


	47. Snape and Peter

I jumped to my feet. Harry and Hermione looked shocked. Snape was gloating about his cleverness. I felt like punching his sneering face

"Severus, you're making a mistake," Remus pleaded, looking at Snape's wand which was pointed straight at him. How dare he point his wand at Remus? That slimy snivelly greasy little…

"Two more for Azkaban tonight. I shall be interested to be how Dumbledore takes this… he was quite convinced you were harmless, you know, Lupin …a _tame _werewolf…"

"You fool. Is a schoolboy grudge worth putting an innocent man inside Azkaban?"

BANG!! Ropes twisted at Remus, binding and gagging him. He crashed to the floor. I roared with rage and launched myself at Snape, but was forced to stop when Snape pointed his wand between my eyes.

"Let him go!" I demanded, snarling with fury.

"How touching…" Snape sneered "Yet I don't think I will. And as for you Black… well just give me a reason to do it, and I swear I will."

I gulped. He would as well. I hadn't forgotten when he slashed my chest open in that fight. I touched one hand to the scar he had left, and he grinned evilly. Hermione said something, and Snape snapped angrily at her.

"Such a nice teacher I bet you make…" I muttered.

A few sparks flew out of the wand.

"Bad temper as always, Snivellus…" I added. He ignored me.

"Vengeance is very sweet," he said nastily. "How I hoped I would be the one to catch you,"

I replied very wittily and then asked Snape, as civilly as I could, to allow us to take the rat up to the school.

"Up to the castle? I don't think we need to go that far. All I have to do is call the Dementors once we get out of the Willow. They'll be very pleased to see you, Black… pleased enough to give you a little kiss, I daresay…"

I stared at my old nemesis, fear flooding through me. I felt like somebody had put a Disillusionment spell on me; my blood was running cold. Snape wouldn't hand me straight to the Dementors without consulting Dumbledore… would he? I really wouldn't put it past him. I protested weakly, and watched him smile exuberantly. But it wasn't the sort of energetic smile you would find on a child at Christmas. It was the sort of smile an executioner gives before bringing down his axe. Mad flames danced in his eyes as he grabbed the ropes that entangled Remus.

"I'll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the Dementors will have a kiss for him too…"

I stepped towards Snape. There was no way I was dragging Remus into my mess. I would fight with my bare hands if necessary. And I still had that knife… But before I reached the slimy toad, another figure jumped in front of Remus, glaring at Snape with hatred, blocking the door so Snape couldn't get out.

"Get out of the way, Potter, you're in enough trouble already," Snape hissed, trying to push Harry out of the way. Harry stood his ground.

"Professor Lupin could have killed me about a hundred times this year." he said, his green eyes fixed on the snarling grease ball in front of him. "I've been alone with him loads of times, having defence lessons against the Dementors. If he was helping Black, why didn't he just finish me off then?"

Snape's face fell a little.

"D…Don't ask me to fathom the way a werewolf's mind works. Get out of the-"

"YOU'RE PATHETIC!" Harry yelled, his fists clenched and his wand raised. "JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE A FOOL OF YOU AT SCHOOL YOU WON'T EVEN LISTEN…"

I stared at my godson. Did this mean… he believed our story?

"SILENCE! I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT!" Snape screamed, veins throbbing in his spindly hands. "Like father, like son, Potter! I have just saved your neck; you should be thanking me on bending knee! You would have been well served if he had killed you! You'd have died like your father, too arrogant to believe you might be mistaken in Black- now get out of the way or I will make you, GET OUT OF THE WAY, POTTER!"

I was seething with anger. Snape had no right to say that to Harry; how dare he speak about James like that? I could have punched him. But I didn't have to.

"Expelliarmus!" Harry and his friends yelled as one. Snape slammed into the wall and collapsed. I looked at the teens in admiration. Harry averted my gaze, while Hermione looked terrified about what they had just done. Snape's wand had landed on the bed beside Cat. Remus was wriggling against his ropes, so I bent to untie him. He stood up, blushing slightly.

"Thank you Harry!" Remus said.

"I'm still not saying I believe you!" Harry replied with a scowl.

"Then it's time I offered you some proof." I said, turning to the red head, Ron. I asked for Peter. Ron clutched Peter to his chest.

"Come off it, are you saying you escaped from Azkaban to come after Scabbers? I mean, say Pettigrew could turn into a rat, there are millions of rats. How are you supposed to know which one you are after when you've been locked in Azkaban?"

Remus turned to me with a frown.

"You know Sirius, that's a fair question. How did you find out where he was?"

I pulled out the crumpled article with the picture of the Weasley family.

"How did you get this?" Remus asked in shock. I explained about Fudge's visit, and him giving me the paper.

"And the article said the boy would be going back to Hogwarts… to where Harry was."

"My God… his front paw…" Remus breathed. I nodded. The kids were looking completely confused. I took a deep breath, and started to explain everything. I didn't hold back. Out came all the dark secrets that even Remus didn't know; about the Secret Keepers. About everything. Remus looked a little shocked, but kept it in. I explained about how I as good as killed Harry's parents. I could feel tears springing in my eyes as I brought up the issue I had been sitting on for twelve years.

"Enough of this," Remus said sharply. He turned to Ron, and demanded the rat be handed over. Ron was still hesitating.

"What are you going to do if I give him to you?"

"Force him to show himself. If he really is a rat, it won't hurt him."

Ron eventually handed Remus the rat. Remus held Peter tightly, and asked me if I was ready. I had Snape's wand in my hand, which I pointed at Peter.

"Together?" I asked.

"I think so…"

A flash of light. The rat was thrown in the air, twisting and writhing… and then… Peter stood there. He looked so different, yet exactly the same as when we had last seen him. He looked nervy and panicky; his eyes roving over the room. Remus stepped towards him.

"Well, hello Peter."


	48. Seeing is believing

**Note: I am writing these last few chapters away from home without my copy of POA so I may have messed the dialogue up a little. It should still make sense. I have added my own bits here and there.**

"Long time no see," Remus continued, his voice smooth and pleasant but his eyes steely. Peter twitched, staring in horror around him.

"S-Sirius…R-Remus…" he squeaked. "My friends… my old friends…"

I raised my wand, but Remus shot me a warning look and stepped towards Peter.

"We've been having a nice little chat about the night Lily and James died."

"Remus… you don't believe him do you? He tried to kill me!"

"We've heard."

"He's mad! He's going to try and kill me again!"

"You betrayed Lily and James!" I roared "It is your fault they died… Lily and James changed Secret Keepers because I suggested it… a weak talentless thing like you… Voldemort would never have suspected… unless a dirty rat double-crossed us!"

"Its lunacy! Remus, think about it! Wouldn't… wouldn't Sirius have told you if the plan had been changed? After all, you were his…"

"Not if he thought I was the spy," Remus said calmly. My jaw dropped.

"No!" I said. "That wasn't it at all! I just didn't want to drag you in even more. It was your choice to come with me, but you didn't have to be involved in all my problems. I didn't want to put you in more danger. I wanted to protect you… I'm sorry. Forgive me, Remus."

Remus smiled, the first true smile I had seen that evening. It brought sunshine and happiness to my heart, a happiness I hadn't felt for years. I smiled back, as Remus said

"Not at all, Padfoot old friend. And will you forgive me for thinking you were the spy?"

"Of course!" I said with a grin, rolling my sleeves up. "Shall we kill him together?"

"Yes, I think so." Remus said calmly, pushing his sleeves up and staring at Peter.

"You wouldn't... you won't…" Peter grovelled, wringing his hands at each of the three teenagers in turn. They each looked disgusted and drew away.

"James would have shown me mercy..." he whispered to Harry.

"DON'T SPEAK TO HARRY ABOUT JAMES!!" I yelled.

Remus and I strode forwards and seized the little rat, throwing him to the floor. He writhed at our feet, moaning.

"Sirius, Sirius, he made me! I was afraid; I was never brave like you, and James and Remus… the powers the Dark Lord possesses, so terrible you would not imagine, I never meant for it to happen, he made me!"

"LIAR!! YOU WERE PASSING INFORMATION TO VOLDEMORT FOR A YEAR BEFORE LILY AND JAMES DIED!"

"He was taking over everywhere! What was to be gained by refusing him?"

"Only innocent lives, Peter!"

"You don't understand!" Peter whined "He would have killed me, Sirius!"

"THEN YOU SHOUL HAVE DIED! DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, LIKE WE WOUL HAVE DONE FOR YOU!

Remus and I were standing side by side. I shivered as his hand brushed mine as he raised his wand.

"You should have realised," Remus said "That if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Goodbye Peter."

But before we could even raise our wands, Harry jumped in front of us.

"No! You can't kill him, you can't!" he said breathlessly. Remus was looking as shocked as I felt.

"Harry, this vermin is the reason you have no parents. This cringing piece of filth would have turned you in to Voldemort as well without turning a hair. You heard I'm before… his own stinking skin meant more to him than your family. He's…"

"I know what he is. But we'll take him to the castle, to the Dementors."

"Harry, thank you… thank you…"

"Get off me! I'm not doing it for you; I just don't think my dad would want his two best friends to become murderers just because of you."

Even though I longed to throttle Peter with my bare hands, I could see where Harry was coming from. So noble; just like James. I felt proud. But I still wanted Peter to pay. I looked at Remus, and we lowered our wands.

"Harry… are you sure? You have the right to decide, but think what he's done…"

"He can go to Azkaban. If anyone deserves that place, it's him."

"Very well. Stand aside Harry," Remus said heavily. Harry hesitated, and Remus gave him a reassuring smile, making my heart melt. I pulled myself together, and Remus said quickly

"I'm just going to tie him up. That's all, I swear."

Harry stepped aside, and Remus bound Peter.

"But if you transform, Peter, we will kill you." I added. "You agree, Harry?"

Harry nodded, looking down at Peter with distaste.

"Right," Remus said, clapping his hands together. I could really visualise him at the front of a class with one of those "pointer thingies" we had talked about so long ago. He must really make a great teacher.

"Ron, I can't mend your bones as well as Madam Pomfrey, so I'll just strap your leg up until we get back up to the castle."

He pointed his wand at Ron's leg, wrapping it with bandages. Ron stood gingerly

"Thanks, that feels better." he said, testing his weight.

"W- what about Professor Snape?" Hermione said nervously, looking down at the unconscious man on the floor.

"Leave him here." I said quickly. Harry and Ron smirked, and Remus bent down to examine Snape.

"There's no serious damage." he said. I groaned loudly, as Remus continued

"You were just a little… over enthusiastic. He's just out cold. Err… maybe we better not revive until we get back to the castle. We can take him like this…"

Remus suspended Snape in the air like a puppet with invisible strings. He then picked up James'… no, _Harry's_ cloak, stuffing it into his pocket.

"Somebody better be chained to this." I said; giving Peter a well aimed kick to the jugular. "Just to be sure."

"I'll do it." Remus volunteered unsmilingly. Ron stepped forwards.

"And me," he said savagely. I swirled my wand, sending thick manacles from my wand and chaining them all together. Then this new bunch of misfits stood up and followed Cat out of the room.


	49. Darkness and Demented

So we set off up the stairs. I was controlling Snape. I resisted the urge to smash him into the side of the passageway…But it was so tempting, just a quick flick of the wrist, a slip of the hand…

"Don't." Remus warned, looking over his shoulder and catching my eye.

"I wasn't going to!"

He raised his eyebrows, and when he turned away, I gave my wand a quick swish. Snape's head clunked against the top of the passage, and Harry chuckled from behind me. Remus sighed, shaking his head and hiding a smile.

"Never could control you…"

"Oh puh-lease." Peter muttered.

"If I didn't know that your life depended on your actions, I would have sworn you just made a stupid remark," I snarled. Peter fell silent, and I smirked nastily. The silent procession made its way down the passageway. I could hear Harry behind me, and fell back to talk to him.

"You know what this means?" I asked him "Turning Pettigrew in?"

"You're free."

"Yes…"

I cleared my throat nervously. I had actually wanted to ask Harry this question for some time. He wouldn't agree of course, but it didn't hurt just to ask… I blurted it out, and Harry looked shocked. Oh great, I'd done it now.

"What, live with you? Leave the Dursleys?"

"Of course, I thought you wouldn't want to. I understand, I just thought I'd…" I backtracked quickly. I knew it; Harry would never want to live with me. I just thought… it might be nice to get to know him. My godson.

"Are you mad? Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?"

I was shocked. I beamed at him happily. He was actually excited at coming to live with me!! We walked along the passageway, and up through the entrance.

"One wrong move, Peter." Remus snarled. I looked at him in the moonlight, and shivered. His light brown hair, now flecked with grey, looked as soft as ever. His piercing eyes, his perfect teeth… but no. He had moved on with his life. Why couldn't I do the same? I looked back at Remus. But something was wrong. He had stopped, and was looking at the moon with wide eyes. _The full moon_. He suddenly went rigid, and his arms were shaking.

"Oh no." I said into the silence. Hermione gasped

"Oh my! He didn't take his potion tonight… he's not safe!"

"Run." I ordered. "Run! Now!"

"But…" Harry hesitated staring at Ron, who was chained to Peter and Remus.

"Leave it to me, RUN!" I shouted, giving Harry a push. I transformed into Padfoot as Remus gave a bone-chilling snarl. As he tore away from the chains connecting him to Peter, I leapt forwards. Usually I would have been able to control him, keep him docile, but tonight there were humans all around, and Remus was hungry. I suppose the potion he had been taking to stop his transformations had changed him a little; he had transformed for so long, he was bound to be a little…

I barked, snapping my jaws. Remus turned to look at me, and I pushed him over, away from the others. He growled, slashing at me with his teeth, biting and clawing… I didn't want to hurt him, but then I had to… I couldn't just let him kill me… I whimpered as he ripped at me, and I fought back, my teeth pressed against his as I pushed him away. I shoved him off me, and he blinked twice before hitting the ground. I lay on the dewy grass, and watched him run off into the forest. I could hear Harry yelling. What was he saying?

"Sirius! He's gone! Pettigrew transformed!"

What?! I leapt to my feet, wincing with the pain, and ran off into the darkness. But I knew deep down that it would be pointless. Finding a rat in the grounds at night… it was damn near impossible. I collapsed onto the ground, breathing heavily. I realised I had transformed back into a man without realising it… I felt so tired, so drained, so… so cold…

My eyes flickered open, and I moaned in terror as I saw them. Circling the lake, cloaked in darkness… I covered my face with my hands, maybe if I couldn't see them; maybe they would go away…

I saw Harry's cold accusing face as he threatened me, I saw James lying lifeless in the ruins of his house, and I saw Remus, tearing at me wildly…

Then I saw nothing but blackness.


	50. Coming Back

I opened my eyes, and the Dementors were gone. Where was I? In a cell. They had captured me, and I was back in Azkaban. Or was I? I saw a familiar figure standing outside, and I called out to him.

"Dumbledore!"

"Sirius."

"Dumbledore, I'm innocent!" I protested weakly. I told him everything, not pausing for breath. He regarded me seriously, and then shook his head.

"I believe you, Sirius. But there is nothing I can do. The Dementors will be performing the Kiss…"

"What?!"

As Dumbledore left, I slumped against the cold stone wall and resigned myself to the inevitable. I was going to be destroyed, a fate worse than death. I was never going to see Remus again, or Harry… at least now Harry knew the truth. Maybe my soul was a reasonable trade for Harry's safety. I thought about the Dementors, and shivered, pulling my ragged robes around me. Then, I heard a noise outside my window. I stared. Then I ran to open the window, but it was locked. I tugged on it.

"Alohomora!" a voice whispered. The window clicked open. I looked outside, and then blinked. I rubbed my eyes, and looked again. It was Harry and Hermione… riding a Hippogriff.

"How… how?" I said weakly. They helped me climb out of the window and onto the Hippogriff.

"Okay, Buckbeak, come on!" Harry urged. We soared to the West Tower, and Harry and Hermione got off.

"Sirius, you'd better go, quick!" Harry said. "They'll reach Flitwick's office at any moment, they'll find out you've gone…"

I looked down at my godson and his friend gratefully.

"How can I ever thank…"

"GO!" they both shouted. I turned the Hippogriff, Buckbeak, around, and turned back to look at Harry.

"We'll see each other again," I promised "You are truly your father's son, Harry."

I took off into the night, and watched them become smaller and smaller as I soared upwards into the clouds. I laughed out loud as Buckbeak flew faster and faster; not as exhilarating as my bike, but pretty good all the same. Eventually, miles away from Hogwarts, we touched down in deserted moors. I was safe, and I was alive.

Being on the run with a Hippogriff was both easier and harder than being on the run alone. A Hippogriff was big, and hard to hide, especially in Muggle surroundings. But then, Buckbeak certainly came in useful for quick escapes. And it was company, Buckbeak was a good loyal beast, and he listened while I moaned about everything. I travelled around for months, occasionally getting letters from Harry and Dumbledore. None from Remus yet… but maybe he was busy. Then came the rumours. Every town I went to, there were whispers of strange things, unusual happenings that couldn't be explained. Then I got a letter from Harry telling me his scar had hurt. This was the last straw; I was coming back to Hogwarts. I sent a letter to Harry to tell him, and then I thought about where I was going to stay. The Shrieking Shack again, perhaps? I decided to write to Dumbledore. I got a letter back telling me about a cave in the mountains. It sounded perfect, so I set off. We flew by night, avoiding busy towns. Dumbledore had sent me a wand by mail, just in case I had to defend myself from the Ministry. After all, I was a dangerous escaped prisoner.

On the third morning in my new home, I got a letter. I sat up and yawned, leaning against Buckbeak, who nuzzled my shoulder affectionately. I glanced at the front of the neat white envelope, and froze. My eyes slid over the familiar handwriting, hardly daring to believe my luck. Then I ripped the parchment open eagerly, and pulled out the letter. Finally, a letter from Remus.


	51. Bubbles

_Dear Sirius,_

_How are you? Sorry for not writing before; I have had a lot on my plate. As Dumbledore may have told you, I resigned from my post at Hogwarts. This was mainly due to our good friend Severus Snape; as rancorous and pugnacious as ever. I hear that you have been staying in a cave close to the school. I hope you are keeping out of danger and staying safe. Remember that you must not be seen; even as Padfoot is a little unsafe as people may follow you and see you transform. Keep out of sight, and don't do anything reckless. _

_Yours, Remus_

I read the letter a few times, feeling a little disappointed. I wasn't sure exactly why; Remus clearly cared for my safety. But the formal note full of caution and warnings wasn't exactly what I had expected. I didn't even know what rancorous and pugnacious meant! Why was it making me so upset? He was still my friend…

But_ you don't just want friendship… do you? _said a little voice in my head. I frowned slightly, folding up Remus's letter and placing it reverently on the stone slab I was sleeping on. Then, realising what I had done, I pushed the letter onto the ground, shaking my head vigorously. The little voice was right. I had fallen for Remus all over again. No… I had never stopped loving him. But there was nothing I could do about it; he had moved on. I had to try and do the same.

I also had other things to worry about. Namely my young godson. He has been entered into the Triwizard Tournament, and I am terrified for his safety. I mean, he is doing great so far, but this thing is dangerous. I don't know who put his name in the Goblet, but there are plenty of prime suspects. I met Harry in Hogsmeade one time, and brought him back to my cave to talk about everything. We talked about Barty Crouch; the one who gave orders for me to be sent to prison. But much as I hate the guy, I have to admit that he is extremely unlikely to have anything to do with this. Karkaroff however…

I lived for the next few weeks nicking papers out of bins for news, and eating the food that Harry sent up from the school. I talked to Harry and Remus by letters; Remus' were as stiff and formal as the first, but it was something. The third task is nearing… a maze game of some sort. I am not as worried as I was before; surely the one who put his name in the goblet would have attacked by now…? But still, it is extremely dangerous. I have advised Harry to practise as many defensive spells as he can for the task.

On the day of the task, I woke up and had a quick breakfast of some stale bread left over from Harry's last food parcel. Then I went back to sleep. I had spent half the night worrying. It turned out I had good reason. I was woken up by Fawkes, Dumbledore's pet phoenix, who was pecking me urgently. I opened my eyes, and then sat bolt upright as he gave me a message from Dumbledore. I transformed into Padfoot, and followed Fawkes to Hagrid's pumpkin patch as fast as my four legs would carry me. And there I waited, my heart thumping in my chest, until Professor McGonagall came down. She looked at me, and beckoned for me to follow. I padded quietly after her, wondering what in Merlin's name was going on.

"He'll be with you shortly," my old Transfiguration teacher promised as she led me into Dumbledore's office. Then she left. I turned back into a human, and paced up and down, digging my nails into the palms of my hands. After what seemed like years, Dumbledore came in, leading Harry. I ran over to him, gabbling and shaking like crazy. Dumbledore and Harry explained everything that had happened in that maze. And… and Harry had seen Lily and James. Voldemort was back. He had returned, he was _back to full power_. He was back.

I turned back into a dog to wait with Harry while he slept, and we went down to the hospital wing. When we got in, I saw Ron, Hermione, and two other red-heads that had to be Ron's family. I curled up at the foot of Harry's bed, and drifted into uneasy sleep. When I woke up, there seemed to be some kind of shouting match going on between McGonagall and Snape and Dumbledore and Fudge. It seems that the Minister doesn't believe Harry's story, he thinks that he's lying.

I stared dumbfounded at the Minister. How could anybody be so stupid? I had an urge to bite him. Instead I walked up behind him and pissed in the bowler hat he had rested on the floor. Then I backed away and snarled at him, my teeth bared and hair standing up on the back of my neck. Fudge looked warily at me as he left, and I crossed over to Harry, who looked shocked.

Then Dumbledore told me to transform back. I looked at him in surprise, and then jumped up, turning back into a dog. Mrs Weasley screamed, and her son restrained her. Snape looked as if somebody had slapped him around the face. After a few seconds of staring at each other, we were forced to shake hands. Then Dumbledore asked me to go and alert the other Order members. I nodded, and after saying a quick goodbye to Harry, transformed and left. I left the school, and then did as Dumbledore had asked; going around to the old crowd and telling them the bad news. I felt like one of the poor saps we used to send to tell people that their son/daughter/mother/brother/uncle/goldfish had been killed, back in the old days. Some of them almost fainted, like old Mrs Figg. Others were just completely stunned, refusing to believe it.

Last of all, I had to go to Remus' house. Dumbledore had sent an owl ahead to tell him that I would be staying. I gulped slightly as I stood on his doorstep, suddenly aware of my ripped clothes and long matted hair. Then I reached out and pushed the doorbell. Remus opened the door pretty much straight away, his hair all messy and his face pale.

"Sirius! Are you okay? How's Harry? Is it really true?" he asked. I blinked at him, feeling tears springing in my eyes. He hugged me, and I clung to him and sobbed like a child.

Remus had gone back to our old home in Godric's Hollow. He moved me into the guest room, and we waited for instructions from Dumbledore. The next day, we got a letter telling me to lie low for a while until he contacted us again. I had to say that this was easier said than done; living with Remus without giving into my sexual urges was like eating a doughnut without licking your lips. Every morning when I saw him with his hair all rumpled and his pyjamas unbuttoned at the top, I just wanted to jump on him. I decided that I literally couldn't live with him and I couldn't live without him. I would have to come clean about my feelings. He had moved on, but he had a right to know that I hadn't. I cleaned myself up a bit, buying new clothes and cutting my hair, having a bath each night and eating regularly. Remus fussed over me, making sure I had my meals.

One evening, I walked into the bathroom and was greeted by a squeal and splashing.

"Oh god, sorry!" I muttered frantically. Remus quickly sat up in the bath and swept foam over his perfect chest and... I moved to the door, cursing myself.

"No, don't go," Remus said. I looked at him in surprise. He blushed, and motioned for me to sit on the edge of the bath. Well, when I say _bath_… I suppose it is more of a small swimming pool. Remus always said that it reminded him of the bath in the prefect's bathroom at Hogwarts.

"I just get lonely in the bath," Remus said. I nodded, averting my eyes politely, inhaling the soft perfume rising from the steamy water. Then I sighed deeply.

"Remus… there's something I have to tell you. I'm not over you… I don't think I ever will be. I have feelings for you still, strong feelings, and I wanted to let you know. If you don't feel that you can live with me when I feel like this, I'm sure Dumbledore can arrange for me to move somewhere else…"

I stood up, Remus's deep eyes burning holes in me as I turned away. I felt a warm hand clasp my wrist, and looked down in surprise. I had barely a second to acknowledge the fact before the hand gave a sharp tug, and I tumbled backwards into the hot water. Coughing slightly, I surfaced, and stared at Remus. He grabbed the front of the shirt I was wearing, and pulled me to him, kissing me fiercely.

"Whoah…" I moaned when he pulled away. He grinned, caressing my cheek with his palm.

"Let's get you out of those wet things…" he said, stroking my thigh with the other hand. I nodded breathlessly as he started to unbutton my shirt.

"We have a _lot _of catching up to do…" he told me with a sultry smile. I wiped the bubbles off his chest and closed my eyes as his hands moved down to my trousers.

"Ah…" I sighed. "Ah… oh…. Remus…"

"Sirius…"

"I love you…"

"I love you too…"

Remus flung my clothes over the side of the bath, scattering water and bubbles over the marble floor. I watched a huge pink bubble burst on a silver tap, sending smaller bubbles that bounced over the water. Remus stretched out his hand, scooping up a handful of bubbles and smearing them over my newly cut hair. I shook my hair out of my eyes, and smiled as the bubbles floated down over both of us like confetti.

"I love bubbles."


	52. Chocolate Kisses

"Are you okay?" Remus asked quietly as we stood in the silent hall looking around. I nodded, clutching his hand in mine.

"I wish we didn't have to come back here…" I whispered, staring at the stuffed house elf heads nailed to the wall. Remus squeezed my hand sympathetically, and I sighed.

"Well, I better show you around…" I said. "Welcome to Twelve Grimmauld Place."

We had moved into my parents' house on Dumbledore's orders. Both my dear mother and father were dead, so the house was mine. And unfortunately, the lovable house elf, Kreacher. Oh the joy, it never ends.

"It's Master Sirius!" Kreacher gasped, dropping to his knees. "Master has come back to Mistress's house…"

"Indeed." I said coolly.

"…Master does not deserve to stand in the ancient hall of the most Noble and Ancient House of Black, Master is an ungrateful…"

"Goodbye, Kreacher," I said, picking him up and throwing him into a broom cupboard. Remus gave me a reassuring smile, and I hugged him tightly. My hand skimmed lightly over his arse and he grinned wolfishly.

"Must you do that in public?"

We spun around to see Snape standing in the doorway.

"Don't you know how to knock??" I snarled. Remus grabbed my wand arm so I couldn't attack the hook nosed ex Death Eater. Snape's lip curled, and he walked over the threshold into my house.

"Get out of my house!"

"Believe me; I take absolutely no pleasure in being in this place… I am here on Dumbledore's orders only. Now, would you like to show me to my room?"

"No I would not… cheeky bastard… how about the bloody cellar?"

"Language, Black."

"I said Dumbledore could use this place for Headquarters, but I didn't say _you _could stay here."

"Speaking of the Order, I see you have wriggled out of all the tasks Dumbledore set; you must feel comfortable hiding away here while we all risk our necks on your behalf."

I leapt forwards, and Remus grabbed me around the waist. I clutched at thin air, swiping at Snape, who sneered at me.

"Piss off to your room, then Snape!" I yelled. "Kreacher! Show Snape to his room!"

The ancient house elf bowed to Snape and led him away.

"Don't let him get to you," Remus whispered in my ear.

"He's just so damn annoying!"

"Sirius."

"Remus."

"Sirius."

"What?"

"Sirius."

"What?!"

"Poke."

He poked me lightly in the chest, and I laughed reluctantly, poking him back. He tickled me under the chin, and I squealed, squirming away from him. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back again. I closed my eyes, nuzzling his neck with my lips.

"What would I do without you?" I asked.

"Oh, puke!"

"Piss OFF, Snape!" I yelled. Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, as the huge portrait of my mother screamed

"YOU! Dirty, filthy shame of my blood, betraying my…"

Remus helped me silence the old hag by dragging a pair of curtains in front of the portrait.

"Now Sirius." Remus said, looking at me with a smile. "I think you need chocolate."

I groaned, but I was smiling.

"You and your chocolate Remus…"

Remus pulled a bar out of his pocket, and broke a piece off.

"Open wide!"

I clamped my mouth shut, shaking my head childishly.

"Come on, here comes the Hogwarts Express! Eat up, there's a good boy!" he coaxed, waving the piece of chocolate in front of me. I giggled, and let him feed me the piece. He popped some in his own mouth with a grin.

"So good!" he sighed. I laughed at him. Then I cupped his face in my hands, and kissed him softly, licking the melted chocolate from his lips.

"Taaaaasty…" I murmured.

"Oh, that is just sick…"

"PISS OFF SNAPE!!!!!!"


	53. Lone Ranger

Believe me, being locked in a dank old house isn't my idea of fun. Order members came in and out, but rarely stayed. Even Remus had his own little missions, meaning I was left alone for days on end, with nobody but Buckbeak and Kreacher for company. I complained to Dumbledore, feeling like a petulant child under his gaze. He calmly told me that I would be unable to leave the house, and suggested I try to start cleaning the dump, much to Snape's delight.

I was overjoyed when the Weasleys turned up; the twins who I can never tell apart, their sister Ginny, Arthur and Molly, Bill and Charlie; the two who had just joined the Order, and of course Ron. Hermione joined us a few days later, and the kids were assigned to "helping Sirius clean." That was a barrel of laughs, I can tell you. Although I do take great pleasure in throwing away my family heirlooms, watching those old photographs smash…

Then Harry arrived. He, like me, was less than happy with Dumbledore. Harry had been locked up as well, with his relatives. I had begged Dumbledore to let Harry live with me instead, but he muttered something about blood protection. So Harry was safe with his Aunt and Uncle? That was why bloody great Dementors had just attacked him?

Harry wasn't expelled, cleared all charges in fact, but if he had been expelled it would have been all Dumbledore's fault. Although I have to admit that a tiny part of me did entertain the idea of Harry leaving Hogwarts, coming to live with me… He had asked before the hearing if he could do… But those thoughts were not fair on Harry. He had done nothing wrong; he deserved to go back to school. I should be happy for him. I was, after all, the only real family he had left.

After Harry and the others left for school, I was gloomy once more. I counted the days until Remus would be getting back from his latest liaison with the werewolves. Snape was here some of the time, but we ignored each other as best as we could. The older Weasleys were sometimes here, but Mrs Weasley and I… let's just say we don't get on that well. Just because I wanted to tell Harry exactly what was going on, what Voldemort wanted. Mad-Eye and Kingsley popped in for a few hours at a time, and meetings were held once a month, but most of the time I felt truly cut off. It was so annoying, not being able to do anything, unable to help. I wanted to fight; I wanted to feel like I was doing something worthwhile, like I was making a difference…

"You are making a difference," Remus told me, one day when he was taking a break from his assigned tasks. I snorted derisively.

"What, by removing mould from Headquarters? That'll make a real difference, that will…"

"I know you're feeling a little isolated right now…"

"Gosh, whatever gave you that idea?"

"…But Dumbledore has your best interests at heart."

"Yeah, well _Dumbledore _always knows best…" I said bitterly, spitting out the old man's name as if it were poison. Remus looked at me, his smile tense but warm and reassuring.

"… I mean, even if I could just do guard duty or something, or help in that capacity, I would feel better about his all, instead of being holed up here all the time… it gets so monotonous, Remus, I hate it…"

"Here's some news to cheer you up then." Remus said, drumming his fingers on the wooden table. I recognised the rhythm as a Weird Sisters song that had been playing on the enchanted wireless that morning. I hummed the guitar riff absently, and Remus smiled at me, his eyes twinkling. It was moments like this that I missed most when he was away; little connections, bliss.

"What news?" I asked, reminding Remus about what he had previously mentioned.

"Oh," he said, breaking out of his interlude and looking at me. "Harry and his friends have formed a secret society to fight Umbridge and learn DADA themselves."

I snorted in delight.

"They did what?"

"You heard."

"That's fantastic!"

"I thought you'd think so."

"What, you mean you don't?" I asked, staring at Remus in surprise.

"I think it's a bloody marvellous idea, but what if they get caught."

I shrugged

"They won't get caught. Besides, the risk makes it fun."

"Still saying that, huh?" Remus asked fondly. I laughed.

"THEY DID WHAT?!" came a shrill voice from the hall. Mrs Weasley was looking furious, her red hair nearly standing on end. Behind her, my insane mother started yowling and spitting. Remus looked at me, and we both giggled madly.


	54. This isn't the end

Then Arthur Weasley was attacked, and all hell broke loose. The Weasleys, Hermione and Harry came to stay with me and the Order were busy working out exactly how Arthur could have been bitten. By a snake, of all things. In the Ministry of Magic, no less. And I wasn't even permitted to help, not even in an emergency such as this… oh no, much too important for little Sirius to get involved in…

It was nice though, having a busy house for Yule. But then they all went again, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I brooded alone for a whole month, and then Remus visited for a week which was fun and involved us being locked in my bedroom for most of the time, and then he had to go. Again.

"I thinking I'm dying from lack of…" I started to say, about six weeks later. Mad-Eye held his hand up.

"Stop right there laddy."

"I was going to say fresh air…"

Moody looked a little embarrassed.

"Oh." he said shortly, going back to shelling peas. I looked mock thoughtful.

"Although… now you mentioned it, I could really do with a good…"

"Stop!" he ordered gruffly, putting his hands over his ears. I giggle evilly.

"No wonder you looked so peaky when Remus left on his last mission."

"What do you mean…?"

Mad-Eye sighed and rolled his good eye.

"Oh come off it Sirius! Its obvious you too are back on…"

"Do the kids know?"

"Not likely!" Moody scoffed "Kids these days, denser than Molly's soup…"

"I heard that!" yelled a voice from the kitchen.

"I think I may be the only one who knows…" Moody mused "Well, except Snape… and Remus of course."

"Well, I would be surprised if Remus didn't know, since I've been…"

"Lalalalalalala!!" Moody shouted "Not listening!"

One day I was at my kitchen table reading the Prophet, when Snape ran in.

"Black!" he yelled.

"What??"

"Its Potter, he's gone to the Department of Mysteries!"

"WHAT!!"

I and Remus dashed around rounding up some of the other Order members. We had to save Harry, and quick! We managed to get Moody, Kingsley, and my niece Tonks. Then we Disapparated, and Apparated to the DOM. We sprinted into a circular room full of doors. I really didn't have time for this; Harry could be in danger right now, about to be killed, and where did Snape run off to anyway?

"WHERE'S HARRY??" I yelled in desperation. A door opposite sprang open, and we ran through it. Harry and some other teenagers were engaged in some furious wand duel with a group of Death Eaters, one I recognised immediately as my dear cousin Bellatrix. I leapt down stone steps and started to battle one of the Death Eaters. I slashed my wand through the air, Stunning him, and then jumping forward to attack another one. Dolohov was pointing his wand at Harry; I rammed into him and started duelling with him instead. Harry used the Body-Bind on Dolohov, and I yelled to him to run, take his friends and the Prophecy and run. Then I turned to duel with Bellatrix, who was laughing manically, throwing back her dark hair. I dodged her spells and sent a curse at her, narrowly missing her left arm. She growled, firing a jet of red light at me which I easily ducked.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" I laughed at her. She flicked another spell at me, and I felt it hit me in the chest. It was a Stunning spell… I would just fall over and need to be woken up later… but I was falling further, feeling a soft material flutter on my face, and distant yells; somebody shouting my name… and down… and down… and down… I fell down through light and dark and warmth and cold, and I could hear singing, soft beautiful music, maybe in my own head, and I wanted to fall forever, and for the music to always be there, but then it stopped. And I crashed to the floor.


	55. The Waiting Room

I moaned, and rubbed my head. Then I jumped to my feet. Where was I?? I seemed to be in a sort of small marble room, with two arches, one on either side. The twin veils rippled mysteriously, and I was sure I could hear voices.

"Hello!" I shouted. I could see shadows moving behind one of the veils, and raced over to it. My movements seemed slow, and I was sure that I was sort of… smudging as I ran, like a chalk picture. It was strange; like running through water. I felt like I was almost gliding above the smooth black and white floor. I tried to walk through the veil with the shadows, but I was thrown backwards onto the floor.

"Huh?"

"Sirius?" asked an incredulous voice.

"James?!" I whispered, my throat dry.

"Padfoot! Hang on…"

There was a flash of purple light, and the veil drew aside. My best friend looked at me in shock, and shook his head. He looked young and happy, dressed in his best dress robes. We shook hands, and I marvelled at how warm and solid he felt. I mean, he was meant to be dead.

"What are you doing in the Waiting Room?" he asked bemusedly.

"I don't… the what?"

"The Waiting Room. If you go in a coma, or near death experience, your soul comes here until you either die or come back to life."

"So… I might be dead?"

"You might."

"What happens if I do die?"

James tucked a tendril of black hair behind one ear.

"Well… you get kind of… Sorted. Into good and bad, and those who want to stay on as ghosts, and not go on. We don't know where the bad people and ghosts go, but we got sent here."

I frowned in confusion.

"But I might be not dead?"

"It's a possibility."

I stared at James, and then tried again to walk through the arch way. But once again, I was sent across the floor.

"You can't choose your path. It must be chosen for you." A voice said.

"Lily!"

Harry's mother smiled, looking as young and carefree as James did.

"Can't you… pull me through?" I asked. My two friends exchanged looks.

"Well…" James said slowly "We could do that. But that would mean you could never go back. And you might not be meant to die yet."

"We don't really understand it." Lily explained "But if you are meant to die, you will be sent through the veil."

I nodded.

"What's through there? You know, in the land of the dead."

"It's a great place," James reassured me "We have food to eat, Quidditch…"

"And of course, the world revolves around Quidditch…" Lily laughed. James grinned.

"We can see everything that goes on in the living world as well." he told me. "You will as well."

He gestured behind me at a large mirror. I stared at him in confusion, my own reflection staring back. I glared angrily at myself. I wanted to see Remus… then suddenly, I saw him. He was leaning against a wall, his face covered in his hands which were bleeding. He was crying, and Mrs Weasley was doing her best to sedate him.

"Why couldn't it have been me?" he was sobbing, beating his fists on the hard stone. Something clenched in my stomach, and I wished with all my heart that I could have been there to comfort him and Harry. Harry…

The scene changed. Harry was yelling at the top of his voice.

"DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT SIRIUS LIKE THAT!!!!" he was screaming at Dumbledore, who looked distraught. It felt awful, watching their grief like this. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, and turned.

"It is really bad at first." James told me. "But it gets better."

I nodded out of reflex; I didn't believe it.

"Can you come into this…Waiting Room?" I asked him. "Or are we both stuck where we are?"

"Both stuck." he said cheerfully.

"And did you…"

"Lily and I went straight to where we are now." he answered. I nodded again.

"And… there's no way for the living to contact us?"

"Well, you maybe, but definitely not us." Lily said quietly. "As I said before, we don't understand it. It is all a big mystery in parts."

James nodded.

"Actually, there's somebody who would like to see you." he said. He left for a moment, and I stared at the mirror, now showing Ron and Hermione in the hospital wing.

"They'll be okay," Lily said "They're tough kids, good friends to Harry. We've been watching them."

"Yeah," I agreed. Then a horrible thought occurred to me.

"You say, you can see everything that goes on with your friends and that… well could you see…" I stammered, trying to find the right words. Lily looked puzzled for a split second and then blushed.

"Oh no, no, nothing like that. Well, you could, but you can only see what you want to see; what you were thinking about…"

"Oh, good." I said in relief. Lily laughed.

"We're both really happy that you've been looking after Harry so well," Lily said gently. "You and Remus have done a great job…"

I smiled at her.

"Sirius?" asked a familiar voice. I turned around slowly, and my jaw dropped.


	56. Brothers and Broken hearts

My brother Regulus stood in front of me. He was wearing a nervous, friendly half smile, which looked as out of place as a baby squirrel at a rock concert.

"So." I said "Are Mother and Father also here?"

Regulus shook his head.

"They went to Hades…"

"Where?"

"It's what most people round here call the unknown place where the wicked go…" James explained.

"Then why isn't _he _there?" I demanded, jerking my thumb at Regulus. Regulus held both his hands up in protest.

"Hear me out, okay?"

I agreed reluctantly, and was about to conjure a chair using my wand when one fell from the ceiling and crashed at my feet. I looked upwards, and was surprised to that there was no ceiling at all; just a gaping black hole that led to… god knows where. I sat down, and drummed my fingers on the arms of the chair. I found myself tapping out that same tune that Remus had been doing back at Twelve Grimmauld. At the thought of Remus, I felt like vomiting.

Regulus cleared his throat.

"Well… as you probably recall, I was a bit of a dick when we were kids."

"Yeah, I recall all right."

"Well, Mother and Father were always poisoning me with their ideas about muggles, and… I believed them. And then I went to Hogwarts, and joined that gang of Slytherins… and they all thought the same as well. But then I befriended a girl. A beautiful muggle girl who I loved with all my heart. And I knew what you had been saying all along was true. Blood doesn't matter. It's the people inside that matter. And I was all ready to follow your example and ditch our house and family for good… when I got press ganged into the Death Eater crew."

Regulus gave an involuntary shudder, and continued with his story.

"They ordered me to kill that girl, to prove I was one of them. I made excuses, tried to bluff them away. They knew I was in love with her. Then… they… they… put me under the Imperius curse… and they made me. Made me torture her terribly, she died screaming my name. She never knew about our world… she thought I was doing it of my own free will…"

My brother wiped his eyes furiously.

"She isn't here... in this afterlife. We've looked." he said flatly. I nodded in sympathy.

"So… at that moment, my last shred of allegiance for the Death Eaters withered and died. But they believed I was one of them. I burrowed and I slithered and I spied… and I found out Voldemort's most secret plan. Voldemort was creating these things called Horcruxes, which contained a fragment of his soul; he was making himself immortal. And I was going around, stealing them. I didn't know how to destroy them, but I could take them. And I gave them to you."

"That bag! It's in the attic, in Remus' house!" I realised.

"Then let us hope that Harry Potter finds it and knows what to do." Regulus said solemnly. Then he reached his hand out for me to shake. I knocked it aside and gave him a hug.

Life in the Waiting Room was irksome and tedious. James, Lily and Regulus tried to make sure that at least one of them came to visit me each day, but I was still trapped in a marble box most of the time. I thought mainly about Remus, watching him on the mirror. He didn't look good. I kept thinking of all the little things, the way he used to casually stroke the inside of my thigh during Order meetings and the way he used to smile when I instigated a kiss. The way he thought chocolate could solve everything, and the way he used to trace my name on the back of his hand with his wand when he thought I wasn't looking.

One day, I was watching Remus walk slowly up Diagon Alley to buy some supplies, when Tonks rushed up behind him.

"Remus?"

He carried on walking silently, and only turned around when she tapped him on the shoulder.

"Huh?" he said, looking hopeful as if he was expecting somebody else. "Oh. Hi, Tonks."

"Uh, Remus…" Tonks said nervously, twisting her pink hair round one finger "I… need to tell you something. I... love you."

"What?!" I screamed. Remus looked shocked too.

"Uh… that's very nice of you, Tonks, but I'm, uh… too old for you, I'm too poor, too dangerous…"

"But I don't care about that!" she protested, tears running down her cheeks. "I just want you!"

She grabbed his arm, but he shook it off.

"I'm sorry Tonks… I just can't."

He turned and walked away, leaving her standing alone on the silent cobbled streets.

My sights were still trained on him, and I could see tears blossoming in his own eyes. I suddenly thought of something. What if he did want to be with her, but was just feeling guilty about going out with her, because of me?


	57. Dumbledore

Over the next few months, I didn't seem to be getting any closer to moving on to the proverbial other side. I watched Tonks and Remus like a hawk. Both seemed very depressed. Tonks had even dyed her hair the same colour as Remus. He was avoiding her like the plague. But was it because he didn't want to give in to temptation? It was driving me crazy. And another annoying thing was that Dumbledore was planning to go after one of the Horcruxes; and Regulus had taken all of the Horcruxes except the snake, the ring and the diary; some of which had been destroyed already. Even worse, Harry would be going with him if he found it, and there was nothing I could do about it. He would be going into unnecessary danger; he could get hurt.

Tonks was going to Mrs Weasley for advice about Remus. At this point I wish we had been more open about our relationship; maybe then Tonks would have known to keep her distance. Mrs Weasley doesn't know either. Others who knew about Tonks' crush on Remus were trying to interfere. One day while Remus was in a meeting with Moody, Moody kept him behind.

"Now, what's all this with young Nymphadora?"

Remus shrugged, sitting down in a deep armchair. Moody raised a heavily scarred eyebrow.

"She likes you, but you don't want her because of Sirius, that correct?"

Remus shook his head. Then nodded slightly.

I leaned forwards in my chair, straining to hear what Remus was mumbling.

"…can't love somebody when… already love…."

Moody caught Remus' shoulders and gave him a little shake.

"Sirius is dead, Remus! We all wish it wasn't true, but it is! He is dead, and he isn't coming back!"

Remus let out a strangled sob, tears running down his face. Moody gave Remus an awkward pat on the shoulder.

"Sorry, lad. Didn't mean to upset you… I just think you should move on."

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but I didn't hear it over James yelling at me.

"Change the channel! Quick! Turn to Harry!"

Reluctantly, I thought of Harry, and the tear stained Remus faded from view. I saw immediately what had got James' wand in a knot. Dumbledore had found what he thought to be a Horcrux; he had told Harry, they had set off together. But Harry had apparently warned his friends to guard Hogwarts while he was gone. I kept switching from Harry and Dumbledore to the school, just to check that all was okay. My eyes started to close. I shook myself fiercely. Now was not the time to go to sleep! I forced myself to watch as Harry and Dumbledore reached a cave. I flicked quickly to Hogwarts to see what was going on, and gasped.

"There are Death Eaters in Hogwarts!" I shouted. I watched in horror as men poured from the Room of Requirement. The corridor was pitch black; they seemed to have used some of that Instant Darkness Powder. The men ran silently down the corridor. Then I saw Remus, who was clearly patrolling the school. When he saw the men, he flattened himself against the wall, but they all saw him, and pointed their wands at him. He looked very scared.

"Sirius, help me…" he whispered. My heart started beating very fast. I had my fingers crossed so tightly they felt like they were about to drop off. I watched as Remus pulled something out of his pocket, and pressed it. It looked to be some kind of alarm thing. He then dropped to the floor and did a kind of roll, kicking one of the Death Eaters to the ground. He Stunned another two, and then the cavalry arrived. Bill and Tonks stormed around the corner, wands aloft. The other Death Eaters ran. With my heart in my mouth, I watched as Remus and the others chased after them. Then I heard Lily scream. I quickly focused on Harry, and saw him battling a dozen corpses. He didn't seem to be doing too well. Then Dumbledore got shakily to his feet and sent a jet of fire that protected them both. I let out a sigh of relief that James and Lily echoed. Then, after watching Harry and Dumbledore leave the cave, I checked on Remus. He was now duelling with a Death Eater, his light brown hair flying around his face and his eyes set. He managed to put the Body-Bind on his opponent, and stepped over the Death Eater's prone form, looking around him for another target.

I switched to Harry to see that he was with Dumbledore at the top of a tower. Harry was clearly under the Invisibility Cloak. Then Draco Malfoy burst in, and disarmed Dumbledore. I could see Lily and James through the archway, grasping hands tightly. We watched in horror as Dumbledore and the young Death Eater talked. It became apparent that Malfoy had no intention of killing Dumbledore. But somebody else did. Severus Snape burst into the tower.

"He wouldn't…." Lily gasped.

"Avada _Kedavra_!!" Snape hissed. Lily screamed, and me James and Regulus yelled as Dumbledore was thrown off the top of the tower. I watched the place where he had been in terror and disbelief. Dumbledore… couldn't be…

Harry was following the Death Eaters leaving the tower; throwing hexes and curses, he was stopped by Fenrir Greyback, but put the Body-Bind on him and shoved him away. He ran through the hall, his face so pale it seemed to let out its own light in the darkness. He jinxed the Death Eater Amycus, who had been duelling with Harry's girlfriend, Ginny. I could see Remus battling a Death Eater behind them.

"I like that girl…" James said, referring to Ginny "She's very cool… maybe Harry could marry her…"

Lily shushed him, and stared at their mirror. I must say, theirs is bigger than mine, and according to them, they just imagined it there and it came. The land of the dead sounds a very interesting place.

Suddenly, Regulus gave a little yelp, staring at something I couldn't see. Lily and James inhaled sharply, and I strained to see what they were looking at.

"Sirius…" said a serene voice. I gasped as Albus Dumbledore came up behind Lily and James, who were looking dumbstruck.

"Harry misses you." Dumbledore told me. "And I fear that you will not be in this marble cage for much longer…"

"What do you mean?" I asked quickly, but Dumbledore just smiled.


	58. Remus, tears, and more Remus

Then I saw something that made my blood run cold. While Regulus explained to Dumbledore all about how he had taken the Horcruxes, I looked back at the mirror. The fight was over; Snape had fled, and the others back at Hogwarts were talking over Bill's bed. It seems he had been bitten by a werewolf; Greyback. The boy's fiancée, Fleur, was just telling everybody that she intended to marry Bill anyway, despite his disfigurement. Tonks glared at Remus.

"You see! She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different; Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely…"

I looked on numbly, as they argued. It hurt me that Remus didn't bring me into the equation at all. No, he said that the one reason he wasn't going out with Tonks was that he didn't want her getting hurt. Maybe that was the truth. Maybe Remus really did want Tonks as much as she wanted him…

Then it was Dumbledore's funeral. Dumbledore himself shed many tears to see the people weeping over him, and we couldn't help crying ourselves despite the fact that Dumbledore was only a few feet away.

"Sirius! Look at this!" James said suddenly, pointing away from the mirror. I looked at where he was pointing. It was just the wall of the marble chamber. I looked at him, nonplussed.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, the wall…" James gabbled, waving his arms above his head. Then I realised what he had been trying to distract me from. Tonks and Remus were holding hands. I felt as if somebody had slapped me in the face. I slid out of my chair onto the cold marble, my heart thumping very hard. I wanted to stop watching, but I couldn't… I watched as Tonks gave Remus a smile which he weakly returned. I stood up quickly, and kicked the wall, hard. It didn't hurt. I did it again, and again, and then started beating my head against the wall. Suddenly I felt myself be dragged away from the wall. James had his wand pointed at me and was pulling me out of harms way.

"Calm down Sirius!" he yelled. I sank to the floor, covering my head with my hands.

"Over 20 years, 20 bloody years I've loved him, and this is what he does? I've barely been dead a year, and already he's gone off with some girl… what's so special about Tonks anyway??"

"He's just confused…" Lily said, looking scared. Regulus looked deep in thought.

"Sirius… did you say that girl's name was Tonks?"

"Nymphadora Tonks…. she's our second cousin… didn't you know?"

"_She _was called Tonks…" Regulus said dreamily. "Alyssa Tonks… I loved her so much. Her brother Ted never approved…"

"Wait… Ted?" I said, lifting my head slightly. "That's _that _Tonks' father… Andromeda married him."

I pointed savagely at the pink haired girl, and then I lay down and cried for a few hours. The others kept away; but I didn't really want to be disturbed, so that was okay. Images of Tonks and Remus kept swimming back into my mind. Imagine if they got married, had children, and all I could do was watch.

"Sirius?"

I looked up. It was James.

"Sirius, there is something I think you should see."

He gestured at the mirror, which I looked at. Tonks and Remus were having a fight.

"But why?" Tonks was asking. She tried to put her hand in Remus', but he stepped back.

"Tonks, I'm sorry. I never should have agreed to any of this in the first place. I should explain why…"

"Yes, please do."

"I love somebody else. I've loved this person for years, and I always will. I can't pretend anymore. I'll never be over them. I love them too much."

"Who?"

"It's Sirius. It always was. And I don't care if the whole world knows. In fact, I want them to! I'm sorry, but it's the way I feel."

Tonks nodded, blinking tears from her eyes, and Remus left. He walked up a passageway, pacing up and down.

"Sirius…" he whispered. I blinked away tears of my own as I watched him cover his face in his hands and sob. Then, as if an idea had just occurred to him, he stood up straight, and Disapparated.

"See!" James told me.

"Yeah, but what good does it do anyway?" I said gloomily. "I'm dead, remember?"

"Sirius?"

I jumped about a mile.

"He's outside the veil!" I whispered. Suddenly a very familiar hand was poking through the veil, feeling around.

"Go!" James urged, smiling.

"But… can't you come too?"

"No… we're actually dead… we could never return." Regulus said sadly. "But you go, quickly!"

"But…"

"Go!"

"I love you guys!" I said, shaking hands with them all. Then I ran to the other side of the room and grabbed Remus's hand. He pulled, and I felt myself flying through the air. It felt a bit like taking a Portkey. I was falling through water; that's what it felt like. No, not water… molten metal. That's more like it. Then a felt a sharp jerk, and my whole body gave a violent twitch. And then I fell out of the veil and into Remus's arms.

"Sirius!" he said, his voice far away and muffled. "Sirius!"

I couldn't move at all. I could feel Remus' warm arms cradling me, and hear his frantic voice. Then I felt something warm and wet drip onto my face. He was crying, his whole body shaking with sobs.

"Sirius, I messed up. I just can't work without you. I think about you all the time, you're the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I go to sleep. I even dream about you. My world revolves around you, Sirius. It always has; even when you were in Azkaban I couldn't move on. You're the yin to my yang, the butter in my beer, the green in my day… I could live without chocolate easily if I had you… but without you, my whole world falls apart. Whenever I looked at Tonks, I thought only about how she wasn't you. I could only think of you. Your smile lights up the room, every touch makes my heart beat so fast I feel like its about to burst. I get more adrenaline from one kiss than from fighting a whole swarm of Death Eaters, or going on that bloody motorbike…"

The feeling was slowly coming back to my legs and arms. I slowly flexed the fingers in one hand.

"… you can't leave me again, because I don't think I can live without you. I love you so, so much…"

"That's… good to know…" I murmured, my eyes fluttering open.

"Sirius!" Remus squealed. He pulled me up and hugged me so hard I thought my ribs were going to break.

"Hey hey… invalid here…" I chuckled as he planted frenzied kisses on my neck and face. He lifted me in his arms as if I were no lighter than a rag doll, and turned on the spot. We Disapparated, and reappeared in Twelve Grimmauld Place. I slowly drifted out of consciousness again. When I woke up, I was in our bed and Remus was making coffee.


	59. Being back

"Harry and the others are all at the Burrow." Remus told me, putting a cup of coffee on my bedside table. "Bill and Fleur are getting married in a few days. I'm invited as well. I'm sure you would be as well; if they didn't think you were dead."

For some reason this struck me as really funny. I burst out laughing, and Remus did as well. Then he flung his arms around my neck, and kissed me so hard it felt like my hair was standing on end. I pulled him down on top of me, growling in the pit of my throat. He raised his head and howled like a wolf. I looked into his eyes, and he looked straight back at me.

"You saved my life…" I murmured, tracing patterns on his chest with one finger.

"I love you… I lost more than a friend… somewhere along in the bitterness end… I couldn't live without you."

"I saw James and Lily, Remus. I saw them. And Dumbledore… but I couldn't bring them back with me…"

"It's okay…" Remus whispered.

"I missed you everyday, you know. Even if I don't know what half the words you say mean."

"You have a way with words as well, you know… well, a gift with one-liners at least."

"Being ironic isn't platonic."

"I never wanted it to be…"

He ran his fingers slowly up underneath my shirt and rubbed his body against my thighs. I half closed my eyes, smiling, and snapped my teeth shut playfully a few centimetres in front of his nose.

"Rawrrrr." Remus growled, hooking his fingers through the belt loops on my trousers. I wriggled my hips, arching my back slightly. It was amazing that I could make Remus do all these things; I could make him moan with pleasure with a single touch, I could make him do whatever I wanted, I could do whatever I wanted to him. And he could do whatever he wanted to me. I did feel a little vulnerable, pressed against the white sheets with him on top of me. It was exciting that way. Not knowing what was going to happen next, having no control over it… I shivered with adrenaline, and Remus smiled, wiping beads of sweat off my forehead. He ran his fingers down my nose and lips and I stuck my tongue out, licking his hand.

"You're such a dog…"

"Dogs are sexy…"

"Well, this one is…" Remus purred, ruffling my hair. I looked up at him, and then wrapped my legs around him. I rolled over so that I was sitting on his pelvis looking down at him.

"Now you are in my power! Dun dun dun duh duh duhhhh!!"

"That's Star Wars…" Remus said silkily. I shrugged.

"Would you rather it was GhostBusters?!"

"Nah, Star Wars is sexier…"

"Hey, how about Avenue Q?"

"You have got to be fucking joking."

"If you were gay… it'd be okay…."

"Shush!"

"There's a fine, fine line…"

"Do you want me to make you shut up?"

I grinned wickedly.

"The more you love someone, the more you want to…"

Remus grabbed the back of my head and stuck his tongue in my mouth.

"Mmmph mmmpph… mmm…"

"That shut you up, didn't it?"

"Please… shut me up again…"

The morning after, I felt like I had never died, never left him. I felt like none of it had ever happened.

"Today I think we shall go to the Burrow. They should know you're alive!"

"Yeah, let's go."

We Apparated behind a broom shed by the Burrow. Remus thought for a second, then said

"I think I'll go in and get the kids. You just walking in there… might cause… "

"Chaos." I supplemented. Remus nodded, and gave me a quick kiss before walking away towards the house. I sighed, and grabbed a crate to sit on. A few minutes later, Remus returned, leading Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Remus… what…?" Harry was saying. I stood up and walked out.

"Uh… ta-da?" I said, smiling slightly. All three of their mouths dropped open. Then they squealed and threw themselves at me. I laughed and hugged them back.

"What…how… _how_…?"

"Lets go inside," I said "It's a long story…"


	60. Back and Out

After I explained everything, Harry and the others looked shocked and delighted.

"You saw my parents??" Harry said eagerly. I nodded.

"They're both great, they send their love." I told him. "As does Dumbledore."

Harry clenched his fists.

"…did Dumbledore give you... any instructions? About… the Horcruxes?" he said in a hushed voice. I slapped my forehead.

"Wait there." I ordered, and Disapparated. A minute later I was back, clutching a small sack.

"I knew it was there!" I said excitedly. "Harry, this is something you should see… from my brother Regulus."

"Regulus… Black? His… his middle name… doesn't begin with A does it??" he said excitedly. I beamed, and upended the bag on the table. A golden cup and a locket and a silver bracelet adorned with sapphires. Harry gasped, his eyes wide and round.

"The… Horcruxes!" he stammered.

"Regulus didn't know how to destroy them though…" I said sadly.

"I destroyed the diary with Basilisk venom… maybe that will work?" Harry said slowly. I nodded eagerly. Remus snapped his fingers.

"Mad-Eye!" he said, and raced out of the room. Mad-Eye followed, yawning. Then he saw me and dropped the bowl of cereal he was holding.

"Now now, that isn't the way for an Ex-Auror to react!" Ron barked. "Constant vigilance!"

"Cheeky young bugger!" Moody growled.

"We need some Basilisk venom," Hermione said briskly. Moody handed her a small vial, which she handed to Harry.

"Stand back!" he warned, as he dripped a few drops onto each of them. They hissed and bubbled, and we all ducked as black smoke rose and twisted. Then it faded away.

"I don't believe it…" Harry said slowly. "We just destroyed three parts of Voldemort's soul… only the part inside him, and the snake to go!"

"Woo!" Ron whooped, high-fiving us all. Remus cleared his throat.

"We… actually have something else to tell you…" he said. I swallowed nervously.

"Me and Remus, we're well… together."

Hermione looked relieved.

"I knew it!" she said joyfully "I was sure of it! Harry, you owe me ten Galleons!"

We watched with open mouths as Harry, grumbling slightly, fished a few coins out of his pocket and slammed them down in front of his friend.

"Told you!" Hermione sang. Harry grinned at me.

"Its okay, we're fine about it."

"Glad about what?" Ron demanded "What's going on?"

"I'm gay." I said conversationally. Ron gaped at me.

"You were right about them being dense…" I muttered. Mad-Eye winked at me, still looking very confused.

"We're pleased for you guys…" Hermione said "But what about Tonks?"

Tonks strode into the kitchen, arm in arm with Charlie Weasley. She glared pointedly at Remus, and said

"You'll be alone for quite a while, I expect Remus, if you can't move on from somebody who isn't coming back."

"Err… hello?" I said, waving at her. She went chalk white and ran from the room. Ron snorted with laughter.

"C'mon, let us spread the good tiding, Sirius is alive! Rejoice!"

"Joy to the world, the Lord is come, let Earth receive her king!" I sang. Remus smiled, grabbing my hand and swinging it. Harry grinned.

"I kind of knew when you gave me that whole sexual ethics talk. You know, about gay people being just like me but with better hair and much better looking and having a lot more fun?"

"Oh yeah, I remember that."

"Then you started singing that song from Avenue Q…"

"If you were gay... it'd be okay…"

"The pain!" groaned Remus, putting his fingers in his ears.

"You'll have to shut me up again…" I suggested huskily, stroking his hips.

"Children present!" he warned me, nodding his head at Harry, Hermione and Ron.

"I'm not a child!" Ron said hotly. We all stared at him, and he went scarlet. "Not saying... wanted to watch…" he muttered. Then a diversion appeared in the form of the twins.

"Blimey!"

"Sirius!"

"He's alive!"

"He's back!"

"It's Sirius Black!"

"He's okay!"

They both grabbed me and started hugging me.

"And he's gay." Ron announced. Fred stared at me.

"George, you owe me twenty Galleons!" he said in delight.

"Was _everybody _here taking bets on my sexuality?" I growled jokingly.

"Oh yeah, Fleur owes me some too!" Fred remembered. I groaned, and Remus laughed. Ron kept shooting furtive glances at Hermione. Then, as if suddenly deciding something, he got up, grabbed Hermione's hand, and led her into the other room. George looked beside himself.

"Fred!!" he hollered "You owe me..."

"Yeah, yeah…" Fred grumbled, giving George his gold back. Ron and Hermione came back in, with huge smiles on their faces.

"What?" they said in unison, looking at everybody staring at them.

"Oh, nothing…"

"Nothing at all…"

"Nothing of importance…"

"What?!"

At that point Mrs Weasley bustled in, holding an armful of wedding decorations and looking very flustered.

"Now, Ron take these and put them up in the gardens... now don't complain, you can do magic now…"

She suddenly caught sight of me, and sat down heavily.

"How…?"

I sighed with a smile, and began to explain again.


	61. Making a plan to save the world

One morning, a few days after the wedding, I had a great idea.

"Remus, wake up! I had an idea where to go to save the world from evil!" I squealed, jumping up and shaking the sleeping werewolf. He opened one eye, and then grunted, snuggling down under the duvets. I pulled out my wand in annoyance and Remus was hoisted into the air by his ankle.

"Hey!"

"Now listen!" I commanded, flicking my wand and sending him back down onto the bed. He looked annoyed, and was sulking at being woken up so early.

"This better be good…" he grumbled, straightening the pillow.

"It is… listen carefully."

When I had finished, Remus' mouth was slightly open.

"Okay, that is an okay plan." he admitted grudgingly. "Completely insane though... probably never work… but a good plan."

I punched the air.

"So let's go tell Harry!"

"At six in the morning?? Can't it wait?"

"No! Remus John Lupin, get your lazy arse out of bed this second!"

"Fine, fine, but you can be the one to wake Ron up…"

10 or so minutes later, I had managed to rouse Harry, and he was staring at me, yawning but excited.

"You know, Sirius, that actually might work… well, it's the best plan we have in any case."

"Yeah… so the minute you leave this house, the Death Eaters will be able to find you. So we will have to Apparate straight there. Voldemort will bring the snake; he wouldn't leave one of his precious Horcruxes."

Harry nodded in excitement.

"Okay, I'm going!" he said. I looked at him in surprise.

"What, right now?"

"Of course!" he replied "The sooner the better… before Voldemort kills anyone else."

"Your right…" I said slowly.

He nodded.

"I'm not being reckless or anything; it's the right thing to do."

"Maybe it isn't such a good idea…"

"Sirius, it's a great idea and you know it!"

"Well, no point going till tonight, when the entire ministry have gone home. We will be coming with you, of course." I pressed. "Well, I shall, in any case."

Harry looked reluctant, but I insisted

"There will be Death Eaters, dozens of them… you need back up."

Remus grabbed my hand.

"I'll come."

"And me." Ron said from the corner.

"Me too," Hermione offered.

"I'll ask some of the other Order members," I said. And so, that night, me, Remus, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, Tonks (who had just about forgiven me and Remus), Moody and Kingsley were all standing ready and determined in the garden. Fleur was crying, and flinging her arms around Bill, Mrs Weasley was hugging each of the children in turn, telling them to be careful, Moody and Kingsley were shaking hands with Mr Weasley who was looking concerned, and Ginny was saying goodbye to Harry.

"Can't I come?" she asked, tears standing in her eyes. Harry shook his head firmly.

"Mrs Weasley would never allow it… neither do I…."

She nodded silently, and turned away. Harry stared after her, biting his lip and looking astonishingly like James. Then Ginny gave a small sob, turned around and hugged Harry fiercely. He hugged her back, and she lifted her head to kiss him. A few feet away, Ron and Hermione were kissing. Fred and George were watching the embracing couples around them with amusement.

"I hope you don't mind if I don't kiss you, old thing?" Fred asked George

"Not at all."

Remus looked sadly around at the people surrounding us, and I knew he was thinking the same as me. How many of us would come back alive?

"The Afterlife is a great place," I promised my lover with a smile. He nodded, pulling me to him by the lapels of my leather jacket and we kissed softly.

"Good luck."

"Likewise."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

We closed our eyes, and grasped hands.

"Remember, as soon as we get there, the Death Eaters will follow." Remus said. I nodded silently.

"I know."

"Ready?" Moody barked. We all stood in a row and Fleur and the remaining Weasleys stood back sadly.

"Set!" he yelled. Remus looked at me, and stole a last kiss.

"GO!"

We all turned on the spot and Disapparated.


	62. Dog Fight

Our plan was simple. Dumbledore had told me about a room in the Department of Mysteries which was full of love. Apparently only Harry can open it and the force within will destroy Voldemort. So our plan was to destroy the Horcrux, Nagini, and open the love room door. Easy. Well, I doubt it.

We Apparated into the ministry, and quickly checked that everybody was there. Ron looked a little shaky; he isn't entirely comfortable with Apparating.

"All right everybody, be on the alert!" Moody said loudly. "Constant Vigilance!"

We all groaned, but got out our wands and strained to hear. They hadn't replaced the fountain; instead there was a large statue of a phoenix. I thought of Dumbledore, and smiled. I wondered if him and Lily, James and Regulus were watching.

"To dodging bullets." I said to Remus, raising an imaginary glass.

"You watch too many muggle films" he replied with a smile. Suddenly with a loud crack, the first of the Death Eaters appeared.

"Stupefy!" Hermione shouted. The Death Eater crumpled to the floor, but his body had barely reached the ground when at least ten more figures appeared.

"He's here!" shouted a voice I had no trouble recognising. Bellatrix was pointing at Harry, a gleeful smile on her face.

"Hello, Harry!" she sneered menacingly. "Going to avenge my dear cousin this time, eh Harry? Poor Sirius, all _dead_…"

"You need your eyes testing, Bellatrix." I said calmly, stepping forwards and pointing my wand straight at the deceitful Death Eater. Her smug grin faded and her eyes widened.

"That's… not possible…"

"Not… probable." I replied. I could see Remus by my side shaking his head. I grinned at him, and then at Bellatrix, who was still looking stunned.

"How did you…?"

"Sea turtles," me and Remus said together. Harry snorted, and Bellatrix looked confused. Then she reached for her wand.

"What are you waiting for?" she bellowed to the others. "Get them! Kill all but Potter!"

With a roar, the Death Eaters surged forwards. We ran to meet them, brandishing our wands like swords. Bellatrix sent Cruciatus at me, which I sent back at her with a flick of my wand. She dodged and it hit the wall behind her, sending dust and rubble over our heads.

"Stupefy!" I yelled as she straightened up. It hit her in the chest and she toppled over. Remus cheered, and we ran forwards, leading the Death Eaters towards the Department of Mysteries.

"Keep fighting, he'll be here soon enough," I muttered to Harry. He nodded, sending a couple of jinxes at a squat Death Eater duelling with Fred.

"You can't win!" Bellatrix screamed. One of the other Death Eaters must have woken her.

"I don't want realism, I want magic!" I yelled back. "And where's your master, Bella?"

"I expect he'll be Apparating soon enough…"

"Apparating? Well not everyone can come by bubble…"

"STOP QUOTING RANDOM QUOTES!!!" Remus laughed, kicking a tall balding Death Eater in the stomach and then Stunning him.

"I thought it was appropriate… Bellatrix is the Wicked Witch of the West after all…"

"Shut up, dirty blood traitor!"

"Tsk tsk, temper temper…"

We were now mostly all in the revolving room with the doors. But Voldemort wasn't here yet, and there was no room to have a proper fight in this room. Moody seemed to be thinking the same thing. He wrenched the nearest door open and ran through, still battling furiously with Bellatrix. I followed, adrenaline pumping through me and Remus and the others followed suit. Unfortunately we were back in the veil room. Remus gave me a reassuring smile.

"She'll never touch you again." he promised. I grinned weakly, and we stood back to back, firing spells at the Death Eaters around us.

"How are you doing?" I yelled over to Harry. He gave me the thumbs up, and looked quickly around him.

"Where's Kingsley?" he shouted. I scanned the room. Everybody accounted for… but Kingsley. Then I saw him a few metres away... lying in a pool of his own blood. His eyes were blank and staring and his chest had a huge slash across it. I looked away.

"He fell..." I said. Harry's face crumpled, but he didn't pause in his onslaught.

"Ooh!" Bellatrix said, coming to face me. "Still alive, Sirius?"

"It seems so."

"Pity."

I threw a curse at her, which she managed to dodge.

"Snape taught me this little trick!" she yelled "Sectumsempra!"

She slashed her wand and I ducked just in time.

"You killed Kingsley!" I roared in realisation. She gave a mock bow, her face twisted with a wild leer. She ducked the two furious curses I sent at her, and then yelled "Crucio!"

I screamed, and she laughed crazily, her eyes widening. Then Remus punched her in the face and she fell back, her nose bleeding.

"You'll pay for that, _werewolf_!" she screamed.

"Petrificus…" I shouted

"Protego!" she retorted "I'm going to kill you, Sirius Black, and this time I'll do it properly! I want to feel your pain, and watch you die screaming in agony! And your little werewolf boyfriend can watch! Cru…"

"Avada Kedavra!" I yelled, just as Remus said the same thing from beside me. The joint force of both spells blasted Bellatrix into the dais, where she slumped, her head resting on her chest, a mad smirk still on her face. I stared silently at her body, my heart pumping very fast in my chest.

"You killed my Death Eater," said a cold voice. We spun around to see Lord Voldemort step towards us.

"So sorry." I said, sneering.

"Not at all… I expect your death will suffice as payment…"

"Oh, I'm afraid I'm not willing to die just yet." I told him.

"I don't think you have any choice, Black… Avada…"

Remus yanked my wrist and we both rolled onto the floor, avoiding the jet of green light.

"Stupefy!" I shouted, pointing my wand up at Voldemort. He deflected it, and I jumped to my feet to dodge another curse. I pulled Remus up behind me and we sent a volley of jinxes and curses at Voldemort. He conjured a shield to deflect them, but the spells knocked him slightly off balance. Taking advantage of this, I jumped up on the dais, and Remus jumped up quickly behind me.

"Where's Harry?" he muttered urgently. I scanned the room for him, and eventually saw him, his face set with concentration as he fought. I sent a jet of gold sparks past him, knocking his opponent into the wall. Blinking, he saw me, and then he saw Voldemort. Voldemort was snarling; he blasted a huge chunk of stone out of the steps behind us. We flung ourselves forwards on the dais.

"Missed!" I taunted. Voldemort strode onto the dais, and pointed his wand at my chest, his snake winding around his shoulders. I felt the muscles tauten, as if being squeezed by an invisible hand. I choked, grasping at my clothes.

"Get off him!" Remus yelled. "Relashio! _Relashio_!"

But it was to no avail. I spat blood onto the floor, gasping, sinking onto the stone. Voldemort was laughing; Remus was grabbing my shoulders, trying to release me from the curse. He stared at Voldemort with fury, and pointed his wand at him. The snake was dragged off, hissing and spitting. Voldemort pulled out his own wand, sneering nastily

"I wouldn't do that, werewolf."

Remus flicked his wand, and the snake exploded into dust, which scattered through the cold air. Voldemort hissed in wild fury, raising his wand. Still choking and gagging, I tightened my hold on Remus. If he was going to be killed, I wanted to go as well. Then Voldemort fell forwards, through the arch, into the veil. We all watched him fall; even the duelling figures around the stone arch looked up open-mouthed as the Dark Lord grasped at thin air, attempting to steady himself, and crashing heavily to the ground. The curse lifted, I breathed in sharply, feeling the blood pulse normally around my body once more. Lifting my head, I peered through the ragged material. Lord Voldemort stood up, and was looking around in numb surprise. Then hands appeared from the other veil, hands I recognised as James', Lily's, Dumbledore's' and Regulus', grasping at Voldemort's robes and pulling him through to the other side.

"Hasta la vista, Voldy." I said softly. It was over… I couldn't believe it was over… Harry looked at me and Remus with a sweet smile.

"Whoops," he said innocently.


	63. This IS the end

After they saw what had happened to their master, most of the others fled. There were a few, such as Rodolphus Lestrange, but we soon showed them. There were a lot of us. And except for Kingsley, there were no deaths. We all had a few cuts and bruises, and Mad-Eye had lost a leg… luckily it was his wooden one! He conjured another one and set about strapping it to his upper leg. Tonks had fractured her arm, but apart from that, we were okay. Well, my chest was pretty painful from where Voldemort had cursed me, but apart from that, just peachy.

"We did it!" Hermione squealed, throwing her arms around each of us in turn. Remus looked mildly amused as the twins and Ron jumped up and down singing. Mad-Eye gave a crooked grin, and Bill and Charlie set about wrapping up Kingsley. The minute we got back, Mrs Weasley screamed, and ran to us. She took in our flushed faces and ripped and bloodstained clothes and demanded

"What happened? Oh, Fred, George, Bill… thank god…Charlie, Ron, Harry, and Hermione… your all okay…"

"We lost Kingsley," Bill said sombrely, allowing his mother to embrace him. She gasped, and hurried us all into the house.

"Bill!" Fleur cried, jumping into her husband's arms. Arthur quickly hurried to assess the injuries. He and Charlie moved Kingsley's body, and then Molly fussed around mending Tonks' arm and our other minor injuries.

"I'm fine, Molly!" I said as she pressed my chest worriedly. "I'm… OW!"

A trickle of blood ran down from the corner of my mouth as I winced, nursing my ribs. Mrs Weasley tutted and diagnosed three broken ribs. She mended them with a few flicks of her wand, and I sighed with relief.

"Thanks… that _really _hurt…"

"Why did you say you were alright then, silly?" Remus asked, smiling. Molly smiled distractedly at us both, and then went off to make the dinner.

"A toast!" Arthur announced "To the fall of the Dark Side and the triumph of good over evil! To Harry Potter, the Chosen One! Who vanquished You-Know… you know what? Voldemort!"

We all cheered, and raised our glasses of Firewhisky. Harry stood up, amidst wolf whistles and cat-calls from the twins.

"Not being modest or anything… but I couldn't have done it alone. You guys all helped, and I thank you for that. And there is one person in particular who fought bravely tonight, Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was a remarkable man. And let us not forget the others who perished in the name of good."

Harry lifted his glass.

"To those fallen- may they never be forgotten."

"To those who have fallen." we echoed, drinking deeply. Then Ron stood up, pulling Hermione to her feet as well.

"We… have an announcement." Hermione said shyly. "Ron and I… well… we're getting married."

There was a small pause, and then the table erupted. Ron disappeared under Fred and George who were slapping him on the back and Harry and Ginny who were hugging both Ron and Hermione in turn. Molly burst into tears and kissed both Ron and Hermione.

"Gerroff, Mum!" Ron protested, going crimson. Hermione smiled fondly at him, her cheeks very pink.

"Well done mate!" I said over the table. He grinned.

"Cheers!"

"To Ron and Hermione!" Charlie said.

After we had drunk and eaten as much as we could, I motioned for Remus to follow me. I led him out into the hall.

"I know Voldemort is gone… but I still have a score to settle with Snape and Wormtail," I muttered. He nodded in agreement, running his fingers through his light brown hair and smiling.

"Me too. We couldn't ever be peaceful; I suppose…" he said. "Well, life would be boring without an adventure or too."

"And when that's over, we could have a holiday." I promised. "We could go to Romania or Scandinavia… Hagrid said I could have my bike back, we could travel on that, see a bit of the world… and then settle down, come back here, get to know Harry and Ginny's kids, Ron and Hermione's…"

"That sounds great…" he murmured, looping his arms around my waist.

"What's this about Harry and Ginny's kids??" Ginny demanded hotly. She and Harry came around the corner and glared at us.

"What, you aren't together?" I asked, with a sly smile. Harry bit his lip, and then turned to face Ginny.

"Um… want to get back together?" he asked in a would-be-casual voice. Her face split into a huge smile.

"Yes!" she squealed, hugging him tightly. He grinned, kissing the top of her head.

"There you go then!"

"It's nearly the end, isn't it?" Ginny said quietly. Harry smiled.

"Depends how you look at it. Personally I think it's just the beginning."

I exchanged a look with Remus, and we went back into the kitchen, leaving Harry and Ginny alone for a while. I looked angrily around at the piles of empty bottles on the table.

"Why is the Firewhisky always gone??" I demanded theatrically.

**THE END **(**or just the beginning…) **


End file.
